Trying to Find the Words

This has been a horrible year for people around the world.

The exceptions, of course, are the billionaires and mega-millionaires who have increased their wealth by even more billions. The wealthiest Americans have more money than ever, while ordinary Americans struggle to pay rent and buy food. All of us are more stressed for far longer than we have ever been. People have lost their jobs and their businesses. Congress (the Senate in particular) has spent more time pushing through a new Supreme Court justice than on passing a relief bill for Americans in need. More than 230,000 Americans have died from Covid-19, while countless others will live with the lingering effects of the virus.

Tempers are short (I know mine is). I have lost interest in taking care of housekeeping and other mundane chores. People are stressed beyond belief. Insomnia is rampant. Alcohol use has increased dramatically. Parents struggle with trying to work from home while taking care of their kids, or homeschooling them. 

As a writer, I usually don't struggle to find the right words. But now, just days before the most crucial election of my lifetime, the words aren't there to describe how I feel. I am worried. Stressed. Anxious. Frustrated. Bored. Angry. Despair. Tired. Sad. Disgusted. Isolated.  Frightened. Unable to focus. Easily distracted. Uninspired. Yet these words just scratch the surface of my feelings.

I am fortunate that I don't have to worry about losing my job (I retired 10 years ago). I don't have to worry about making a mortgage payment or paying rent. I have food. I have no children at home. I have good health insurance, thanks to that horrible "socialist" health care program called Medicare. I have no business to worry about.

But I do worry. And I am afraid for our health care workers, for those suffering with Covid-19 and struggling even after recovering from this horrible disease. I worry about myself when I hear about others who get coronavirus despite following the recommended precautions. I worry about the stress so many are under. I worry about those in minority populations who are even more greatly impacted by Covid. I worry about the deep divisions in our country. I worry about the hatred that fills so many Americans. I worry about the threats to our civil rights from a president* who attacks the news media and reporters who don't praise him constantly. A president* who questions whether public protests should be permitted (they are allowed by the Constitution of the United States). A president* who has packed the Supreme Court with conservative justices only too willing to do his bidding. An attorney general who serves not on behalf of the American people, but on behalf of his cult leader. 

My greatest worry, of course, is the survival of my country as a democratic republic as it is being dragged into becoming a divided country led by a would-be autocrat. Regardless of who wins the elections, I expect much civil unrest. Reversing the damage of the past 4 years won't be easy. Harder still will be to heal the hatred, violence and divisions encouraged by the occupant of the White House.

Politics has never been something of which I took much notice. I voted in major elections. I was familiar with presidential candidates and their platforms. But never did it occupy so much of my mind. Never did it present the threat to our country as it does now. Never has this country had such an unhinged president* and a political party bent on destroying the country.

I don't post political signs in my yard for fear of retribution from members of a certain political party, although there are signs supporting both presidential candidates in the neighborhood and none has been stolen or destroyed. Things appear to be very civil. Besides, I doubt that a campaign sign has ever persuaded anybody to vote for or against a particular candidate.

I told a neighbor recently that I wish I could do what the bears do: Stuff my face, consume many calories, and then hibernate for several months, reappearing in the spring. Sadly, I can't do that. 

So I will resist stuffing my face. I will continue to write, to read and to edit my photos. I will do my daily walks and watch television if I feel like it. I will cook comforting foods. (So far I have made stew and chicken noodle soup, and a batch of homemade granola). I will take a nap if I feel tired. And if the house is dusty, who's going to see it? I don't have visitors, and my dogs (the source of much of the dust) don't care.

At this point, I and most others are in survival mode.  We must take care of ourselves. Give ourselves a break. Find, and do, things that bring us joy. Step away from social media and the news. We must survive to fight for our country, and to help rebuild it.

 

I Hate the Telephone

I am an introvert, and I detest the telephone.

I simply hate the telephone. It doesn't matter whether it's a land line (yes, I still have one of those for my home security system) or a cell phone. I hate hearing an incoming call.

Incoming calls are more than likely from a politician, a charity, a telemarketer or a spammer. All of these are simply trying to get money from me. Being on the federal 'do not call list' does nothing to stop the calls.

I have lost track of how many calls I have received from somebody calling about a warranty for my car. I have been tempted to ask whether the person is calling about my 2013 car (whose warranty has long expired, a car I no longer own) or about my 2019 car (which still has more than 2 years left on its warranty). Often the call is a recording, but if it is a live person, I simply tell the caller to F--K OFF! and end the call. It is rare that I answer a call from an unknown number, but recently I was dealing with some medical offices whose numbers I didn't recognize, so I answered the calls. 

Phone calls are intrusive. They are disruptive. They interrupt whatever I was doing, whether it was reading or watching television or enjoying a walk outside on a beautiful day. And there is always the expectation that I should answer the phone. It's not as if I disrespect the caller, or that I dislike the caller if he/she is a friend or family member. 

Many/most introverts don't like small talk. I used to work for a guy who was amazing at small talk. He could meet someone and a few minutes later one would think they had known each other for years. Not me. I hate small talk, and I'm really not good at it. This is one reason I don't go to parties. Not engaging in small talk can make introverts seem brusque, but we aren't trying to be rude. We're simply not good at small talk.

The other thing I dislike about phone calls is the lack of a way to gracefully, and graciously, end the call. Sometimes I really do need to end the call and attend to something else. Sometimes the caller needs end the call for a legitimate reason. But too often the conversation becomes repetitive or just needs to be ended.

And as much as I hate incoming calls, I detest making calls to anyone for any reason. If I am researching something online with the goal of making a purchase, and I have to call in order to place an order or ask a question -- I won't. I will find a company that allows me to make a purchase online without calling. Making a call obligates me to talk to a stranger or to a friend for who knows how long. I have one friend who is very extroverted and loves to talk. Our longest call lasted 3 hours! She is a wonderful friend, but I really don't want to be on the phone for 3 hours.

I also hate playing phone tag. Making one necessary call is bad enough, but I won't call, leave a message, miss the return call, and call again.

My hobbies are reading, writing and nature photography -- things that are solitary and devoid of small talk and mindless chit chat. Yes, I take group trips to a variety of places to take photographs, but the group always spreads out, with each photographer staking out his/her own place from which to shoot. Small talk is minimal. I always get a private room so I can decompress alone after a day of togetherness. Photo editing also is a solitary pursuit. 

And while I may enjoy getting together with a friend for lunch (pre-pandemic), I usually initiate the invitation by e-mail.

I'm not a hermit. I call my sister, or she calls me, every couple of weeks. My daughter calls from time to time. I talk to another friend when she calls (but I rarely call her unless it's her birthday or to check up on her).  

I carry my cell phone with me when I go for a walk, and when I walk my dogs, in case of emergency. I don't carry it because I simply can't be without it. Going for a solitary walk is good for my soul. I don't want an uninvited phone call to ruin it.

America Is Not Great

Republicans who support the current occupant of the White House like to use his slogan ‘Make America Great Again.’ 

And now that the 2020 election is upon us, the slogan is ‘Keep America Great’. I have to ask, what exactly has he done to make America great? And what is he doing and what does he plan to do to keep America great?

America is not great when the president* of the United States refuses to deal with a pandemic he was warned about months before he warned the American public. 

America is not great when 30 million people have lost their jobs due to the president's* mishandling of the pandemic. 

America is not great when citizens are forced to stand in line for up to 10 hours in all kinds of weather to cast their votes because rethuglicans have actively engaged in voter suppression by closing polling places in predominantly Democratic areas.

America is not great when schools are forced to close because of the pandemic. 

America is not great when its national debt increases by nearly $7 trillion in less than 4 years.

America is not great when urgently needed assistance is dole out based on the political affiliations of the governors and on whether or not they are "nice" enough to the president.*

America is not great when health care workers caring for Covid patients are unable to obtain the requisite personal protective equipment they need.

America is not great when a large part of the population refuses to accept the guidance of medical and public health experts, instead believing the rantings of someone who has told more than 25,000 lies since taking office.

America is not great when it alienates its strongest allies.

America is not great when its supposed leader mocks and insults its military members, referring to them as "losers and suckers."

America is not great when the president* refuses to listen to the country's military leaders.

America is not great when followers of the cult threaten, attack and insult those who don't share the same beliefs. 

America is not great when the party in power uses every dirty trick it can think of to hold on to its power.

America is not great when we lock immigrant children in cages, deports their parents, and then reports that it cannot find the parents of 545 children. Is this the hallmark of a great country? I think no.

America is not great when the party in power rams through a nomination to the Supreme Court a  week before the election after refusing to consider the nomination to the same court 8 months before the 2016 election.

America is not great when the administration seeks to remove health care from millions of Americans.

America is not great when the president* pledges to decimate the lifelines of Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid. 

America is not great when the president* believes the word of the country's enemies over the words of its intelligence community.

America is not great when its leader* openly admires and sides with dictators.

America is not great when the US Congress refuses to take up legislation to provide critical funds to those who have lost their jobs and whose businesses are failing due to the pandemic.

America is not great when the administration trashes environmental protections and regulations that protect our water, air and food. 

America is not great when the president* foments violence and embraces anarchists and white supremacists.

America is not great when the country's 'leadership', rather than trying to bring people together, does everything it can to deepen the divide.

America is not a great country at this time in its history. America is the laughingstock of the world. People in other countries pity us. So no, America is not great.

These are not the actions of a great nation.

America can once again become a great country. It won't be easy. It won't be quick. The current administration has done an immense amount of damage to this country. The followers of the cult in power now will not go quietly away when their candidate loses the upcoming election. 

It is up to those who still believe in democracy, equal opportunity and equal justice untdr the law to do all we can to once again make America great.

What I Learned This Year

Despite the sense of isolation and frustration that I and so many Americans feel due to the failed US response to the coronavius, I have learned a few things this year.

I was reminded that we humans, as mighty and omnipotent as we think we are, can be brought down by something as tiny as a virus. Our economy can crash, businesses shutter, and people lose their jobs, all because of a tiny virus.

I learned that the earth can heal itself very quickly when humans, with their trash and destructive actions, are removed.

I have learned that far too many people are greedy, self-centered, easily duped and scientifically illiterate (and probably uneducated about many things). 

I have been shocked to learn how many people believe in conspiracies.

I have always sought refuge in being outdoors. Since the pandemic started, I have met many others from my neighborhood I never saw until the pandemic hit, and people suddenly started seeking a bit of refuge by walking outdoors.

People are, with a couple of exceptions, much friendlier and willing to greet each other during the pandemic. 

I have learned that far too many people lack critical thinking skills. 

Far too many people reject science and logical thinking.

 

Too many members of a certain political party have no tolerance for those with opposing opinions.

 

Some members of a certain political party believe it's fine to threaten, intimidate and destroy the property of those who don't share their views.

 

Reasoned political discourse is dead. 

Friendships and relationships have been destroyed by the hatred and rhetoric of those who support the occupant of the White House.

Racism, misogyny, lying, name calling and cheating are just fine if your party is the one doing  these despicable activities.

A cult has developed around the current occupant of the White House. These cult members agree with his racist, anti-science, misogynistic pronouncements.

Remaining silent in the face of racism, misogyny, personal attacks on others, outright lies and other egregious actions makes you complicit.

I am in awe of the frontline nurses, doctors, respiratory therapists and other healthcare workers who daily risk their lives to care for those afflicted by the virus. 

Thank you to everyone who is working to stop the spread of this virus. Condolences to those who have lost loved ones to the virus. And to those who refuse to take the simple steps to help stop even more deaths (223,000 so far in the US), I hope Karma finds you.

 

 

Enough of the Word Salad

We all know that the current president* is the most inarticulate, bumbling person to hold office in recent memory, perhaps in the history of this country. His utterances are generally outright lies, exaggerations or what some call a 'word salad' of words and thoughts that make absolutely no sense. He is incapable of forming coherent thoughts and sentences. He cannot stay on topic. He gets visibly irate when asked real questions about issues of concern to Americans by the news media.

Here are some of the trumpisms I hope to never hear again after January 20.

• Fake news 
• It's a hoax. 
• No one knows more about (fill in the blank) than I do. 
• Nobody but me can fix this. 
• Many people say ... 
• Losers and suckers
• Believe me
• The best people
• He's a great guy.
• I really don't know him.
• Yuge/huge
• A lot of people are saying ...
• Bigly
• Great
• Incredible
• Tremendous
• A lot of money
• Very fine people
• People say 
• Very stable genius
  

Most people have words and phrases they commonly use while speaking. That is part of what makes each of us unique. But he seems to have an extremely limited vocabulary, dragging out the same tired words and expressions repeatedly. And not unexpectedly, the words he uses to refer to himself (often in the third person) are those that praise him, while he hurls insults at others.

With the 2020 election fewer than 2 weeks away, I cannot wait to put politics behind me. Sadly, I doubt that the end will come anytime soon. If Chump loses, we will be subjected to his unfounded claims of cheating, voter fraud and anything else he can come up with to rationalize his loss. If he wins, God help us. Even worse, there is a good chance we won't know the outcome of the election on Nov. 3.

As a retired communications professional, I cringe whenever I hear (on the evening news) or read the babble this president* utters on a daily basis. Let us hope we are nearing the end of his inarticulate rants and babbling, his insults and lies.

America and we the people deserve so much better.

Spare Me Your Angst

Conservative Supreme Court justice Clarence Thomas has suggested that the court should overturn a 2015 ruling that allows same-sex marriage because it "had ruinous consequences for religious liberty."

Somebody, please help me understand his reasoning. How does giving gay and lesbian couples the same rights as heterosexual couples impact religious liberty? The only impact I can see is that equal rights under the law stymies the efforts of evangelicals to force everybody to live according to their beliefs.

Giving equal rights to others does not mean fewer rights for anyone else. As someone pointed out, rights are not pies. Giving some to others doesn't mean that you get fewer rights. And no one is asking for extra rights, merely to be treated equally.

What happened to freedom of religion, and freedom from religion if that is what people choose? The only credible reason to see the 2015 court decision as "ruinous" for religious liberty is that it removes the religious basis for opposing equal rights for the LGBTQ community. And since the United States supposedly has separation of church and state, Thomas's objection seems very suspect. Religious beliefs should have NO role in court rulings.

Religious liberty does not mean allowing certain religious groups to impose their beliefs on others. It means that people are free to practice whichever religion they choose, or to practice no religion if that's their preference. Big difference.

I have to wonder whether evangelicals, who apparently think it's fine to impose their religious beliefs on others, would feel the same way about a group of radical Muslims trying to impose their religious beliefs on America. Would they be OK with sharia law, for example? I think the answer is clear.

So if we remove the religious justification for denying gays and lesbians the right to marry, what possible reason is there to object?  And Christians are not being persecuted when they are kept from using their religious beliefs to discriminate against others. They are still free to practice Christianity as they see fit, but freedom of religion does not extend to discrimination against others.

I admit that I don't understand the gay lifestyle. It isn't for me. But I accept that some people are born gay. I have a good friend who is gay. As he once said, "Why would I choose to be gay when it causes some people to hate me and discriminate against me?" I was a witness at his wedding. I signed the marriage certificate as a witness, and I took photographs of the secular ceremony for the couple. They are still together after 25 years.

Being gay or lesbian is not a choice, just as being short or blue-eyed or Black is not a choice.Some people report that they knew they were gay at a very young age, although they didn't really understand what that meant. I used to work with a transgender woman. Previously known as Steve, she transitioned and became Stephanie. I had no problem working with her, and I found her to be a bright, kind person. Her personal choice was none of my business. I was glad that she was finally living her authentic life.

So spare me your angst about how gay marriage is "ruinous" for your religious beliefs. Perhaps you should spend more time understanding what Christ's message really was, and less about corrupting his teachings and using them to justify your hateful behavior.

Americans Should Be Afraid of Covid-19

Yesterday, after receiving two experimental drug treatments and other standard medications, at one of the top hospitals in the country and after being attended by a fleet of physicians, the president* tweeted that Americans shouldn't be afraid of Covid. And we shouldn't let it take over our lives.

Really? This is the advice given to a nation that has so far lost more than 210,000 lives to Covid-19? These people had friends and families who will forever mourn their loss. And let's not forget the untold thousands who may have recovered but who will be plagued by the effects of this disease for the remainder of their lives. 

So yes, I am afraid of this disease. I leave my house only for shopping and medical appointments. I always wear a mask when I'm out in public. I have lots of hand sanitizer, and I use it regularly. As someone who is in a high risk group, I certainly am afraid of Covid-19. And like millions of other regular citizens, Covid has taken over my life. It has forced the cancellation of seven trips this year. It has forced me to have three Covid tests before I could be treated for kidney stones. It has forced me to cancel my usual lunches with a friend. It has caused me to have to settle for alternative foods because what I wanted to buy was unavailable. And these are only the things this pandemic has done to me. Countless others have lost their jobs, their home, their ability to feed their families, their dignity.

And what does the president* do? Does he lead by example? Does he tell people to wear masks? No, he has his Secret Service agents take him for a joyride in a hermetically sealed SUV so he can get his fix of adoration from his supporters camped outside the hospital. He was then, and still is, infectious. He left the hospital before he should have, taking a victory lap over Washington, DC, in a Marine helicopter. 

After he climbed the steps to the White House, huffing and puffing, he stood on the balcony and promptly removed his mask before giving a prolonged salute (to whom is unclear) as he posed for a video and photo op before entering the building, where more than a dozen staff members have already tested positive. Apparently unhappy with the video, he emerged again to reshoot the video for a campaign ad.

With him, it's all about the optics of appearing to be strong and in control and presidential. This is all important to him as he continues to fall behind Joe Biden in the upcoming election. He continues to give his response to the pandemic an A+, a rating shared by fewer and fewer people. His Secret Service team is outraged by his actions that put their health at risk. His White House doctor repeatedly lies to reporters, and the American public, about the condition of the president.*

This president*, who received the best treatment available and who has consistently downplayed the pandemic and mocked those who wear masks, has uttered not one word of sympathy or support to those afflicted with this disease. He has not once offered compassion to those who have lost loved ones to Covid-19. "It's no worse than the flu," he claims. Well, I'd guess that if they could speak, the more than 211,000 Americans killed by Covid would disagree. 

So yeah, I am afraid of Covid-19. And I will continue to be afraid until we have an administration that actually cares about Americans, that encourages us to do the right thing to defeat this pandemic, and until we have a proven safe and effective vaccine. 

It Is What It Is

This is how far America has fallen.

After the president* tweeted that he and his wife tested positive for the coronavirus, many people (and I am one of them) started to question whether this is true or merely another distraction. After all, his performance at the recent debate was abysmal. Deaths from Covid-19 continue to skyrocket. The New York Times got its hands on several years of his tax returns that show he has paid little to no income taxes over many years. So there are several stories dominating the news, none of them positive. Announcing that he has Covid-19 would be the perfect distraction, and it is guaranteed to get him some sympathy, too.

I was raised not to wish ill of anyone. And I certainly would never wish Covid-19 on anyone, even those I consider evil and immoral. Covid is a horrible, nasty disease. But it is definitely a struggle not to inwardly appreciate the fact that the person who horribly bungled the nation's response to this pandemic, who refuses to wear a mask and insist that others do as well, who failed to warn the American public of the dangers this virus presents, who purchased essential personal protective equipment to keep states from obtaining it for medical personnel, and who repeatedly downplayed the virus as a 'hoax', now is hospitalized with the disease. 

As others have said, this may be karma paying the president* a visit, it may be yet another distraction to try to garner sympathy and to change the focus of the news media, or it may be a legitimate story. I guess time will tell.

If it is a distraction, it is a horrible thing to do. If it's real, I have a hard time finding any sympathy for him or his wife, particularly after last week's release of a damning phone call between her and a former assistant. Likewise, I have little sympathy for all those sycophants who gathered in large groups and refused to take even basic precautions (such as wearing a mask) to protect themselves.

After all the lies (more than 25,000 so far) and distortions of the truth, it is no surprise that Americans are rightfully skeptical. And the timing of this 'news' also is suspect.

In any event, to quote the president* "It is what it is." And to quote the White House 'escort', "I really don't care, do u?" 

I don't wish anyone ill. I don't hope that anyone dies. But I just can't muster any sympathy for those whose deliberate gaslighting, lies, deceptions and mismanagement have cost so many their lives, their jobs and their businesses. Those people deserve our sympathy and empathy, for their are innocent victims of this horrible disease.

Trump and his cult followers have never expressed one iota of sympathy for their fellow Americans who have suffered and, in many cases, died from this virus. Their sole focus has been on the stock market and the economy, on businesses reopening despite the very obvious risks.

So no, I will save my sympathy for those who are the innocent victims of this administration. To quote the president*, "It is what it is."