Who Else Feels This Way?

Who else is feeling this way in this chaotic, turbulent, stressful time? 

I'm tired, but I have trouble sleeping. I woke up this morning at 3 a.m. I did not go back to sleep, so I got up at 4 a.m. Sadly, this is not the first time this week I woke up in the middle of the night.

There are a lot of things I want to do around the house and yard, but I have zero motivation to do anything. 

If I accomplish one or two things every day, aside from taking each of my dogs for a walk, I feel quite accomplished. I set my goal of doing a couple of things everyday. Some days I'm successful, some days I'm not.

It's hard to focus on anything - - a television program or the book I'm reading.

My nerves feel frayed. I feel very stressed. My patience is extremely limited.

At least the weather is nicer and warmer, aside from some very cold nights. I'm lucky to live in a place that has more than 300 days of sunshine every year. That's always good for a boost.

Is It Time To Unplug?

Maybe it's time to unplug. Maybe it's time to get out of the rat race. 

I have been retired for nearly 16 years. While I for the most part enjoyed my job and the opportunities it offered, I don't miss working in the least. I have time now to travel, to read a lot, to write, and to spend time with my dogs. 

But I've been finding that the hectic pace of this world and the overwhelming dump of information is really bothering me.

I cringe every time my cell phone notifies me that I've received a text message or an email. I turn my phone off usually by 7:00 p.m. I limit my consumption of the daily news to one 30 minute local broadcast and one 30 minute network broadcast. 

I confess to being a news junkie. During my long career with both a federal agency and a large non-profit organization, I spent a lot of time working with the news media: arranging interviews, answering questions, writing an issuing news releases. So the news is in my blood. And I'm not interested only in US News. Because I have traveled a lot, I'm also interested in what is going on in the United Kingdom, in various African countries, and in other places around the world. 

So far I'm okay with limiting my consumption of daily news. There's nothing I can do about what's going on in this country or around the world, so I've decided to do my best to reduce my stress levels. I've started listening to relaxing music more than I did in the past. I like classical music, smooth jazz, saxophone music or kestrel music, all kinds of music without words. 

I also read a lot. I don't know how many books are on my Kindle, but I would guess the number to be somewhere around 300 titles, possibly more. Once the weather improves, I plan to do more work in my yard to prepare for the spring and summer. Not only is this something I need to do, but it also offers my dogs a chance to hang out outside and snooze in the sun if they so choose. 

I confess that there are some days I am so upset that I resort to stuffing myself with comfort food, preferably popcorn or potato chips. Neither of these items is especially good for me, but sometimes only comfort food will do. So far I have managed to drop 5 pounds despite my binge eating of comfort food. I still have another 3 pounds to lose, and I hope that once I reach that goal, I will lose even more. Like most people as they age, I have packed on extra pounds that I don't need and that are not good for my health.

I also walk between 4 and 5 miles every day. Each of my dogs gets a roughly 1 mi walk every morning, and the rest of the distance is made up by walking alone, or just by doing regular activities around the house. 

Writing this blog is another thing that helps me to decompress. Regardless of how many people do or don't read my posts, I write because I enjoy writing. 

I took a three- week break from Facebook, which was initially a challenge, but after a couple of days I didn't miss it at all. In fact, my initial plan was to take a break for three days. Then I figured I could go a week. Then I pushed that to two weeks, finally rejoining social media after three weeks. 

As much as I would like to, I doubt that I will ever totally disengage from the electronic, information heavy era in which we live. 

I would love to hear about other people's coping strategies during this very stressful in chaotic time.

When Your Heart Hurts

 What to do when your heart hurts.

I asked myself that question one evening as I thought about all the horrible things that are going on in this world. In the US, we have drought, we have massive flooding, we have record snowfall, we have tornadoes. 

And on the world stage, we have a madman president who, without the approval of Congress, which has the constitutional authority to declare war, who unleashed a massive attack on Iran, in conjunction with the leader of Israel, who is as crooked as the US president. One of the first thing the Americans did was to attack an elementary school for girls in Tehran. 

So far the US death toll is at seven, but with talks of sending US ground troops into Iran, And the possibility of bringing back the draft, we know that total will rise. Gas prices have skyrocketed, and will undoubtedly go even higher. The US economy is shrinking, with tens of thousands of jobs lost last month. Inflation remains. And the president, who as he always does was spending the weekend at his fancy resort in Florida, decided to attack Iran because he "had a feeling" Iran was going to attack the US. 

So yes, my heart hurts. I feel nauseous. I am helpless. All I can do is donate funds to organizations on the ground in the Middle East providing aid to citizens affected by the war. My long time favorite organization is World Central Kitchen. 

That's it. Like other Americans, I am helpless to do anything. I know my representatives in Congress oppose this war. So contacting them would be a waste of time. 

I'm tired of feeling this way. I'm tired of feeling angry. I'm tired of feeling upset. I'm tired of feeling ashamed of my country. I served this country as a civilian for 23 years. I held high security clearances at a couple of points during my career. So I'm a little bit more than just an American spectator. 

And quite frankly, I am sick. Literally sick. I have never hated anybody the way I hate the American dictator. His entire administration is a joke. It's nothing but a bunch of unqualified buffoons. And I see no good way out of this.

I love my country, but I despise what it has become. This is not what America has always been. We have civilians being shot in the streets by members of ICE. We have immigrants, some of them having become US citizens, rounded up and carted off to be incarcerated God knows where. 

The only thing America stands for now is greed. Greed is what runs this country. It's not honesty. It's not integrity. It's not care and concern for others. It's greed. And I hate it.

I am reaching the point where I just don't care any more.

People I Admire

I don't admire many people, and certainly their celebrity status doesn't make me admire them. 

I don't care whether they're wealthy. It's what they do that causes my admiration. 

Here's a short list of people I think are worth being admired, in no particular order. 

Dolly Parton 

The late Jane Goodall 

Sir David Attenborough 

Malala Yousafzai 

Chef Jose Andres

Taylor Swift

Pink

Three of these people are known for their philanthropy: singer/songwriters Dolly Parton and Taylor Swift, and chef Jose Andres of World Central Kitchen. Singer-songwriter Pink also has an impressive history of philanthropy.

Dr Jane Goodall is famous for her studies of wild chimpanzees and her ongoing campaigning for the environment.. 

Sir David Attenborough has spent 70 years writing and producing documentaries about the natural world.

Malala Yousafzai is a Pakistani advocate for female education. She was shot by the Taliban because of her efforts.

Taylor Swift is a mega superstar worth billions of dollars. And she is a very generous superstar who gives a lot of money to food banks and food pantries wherever she has concert performances.

These are people worth admiring. Rather than acting as so many billionaires do and working furiously to accumulate more and more money, these people work to make life better. 

They are people to admire.

Nothing To Laugh About

There's been a lot of talk lately about how the American men's Olympic hockey team defeated Canada to win the gold medal. 

These hockey players aren't some college kids who happen to be good at hockey. No, they're all professional hockey players. They're adults, not kids. So their reaction when the president of the United States, during a phone call to the FBI director who had absolutely no business being there at government expense, commented that he guessed he would have to invite the women's gold medal winning hockey team to the White House as well. Otherwise he might get impeached. 

What did the hockey players do? They laughed. Hahaha. Talk about a bunch of misogynists. We know the president is a huge misogynist and a sexist and a pedophile. But the reaction from the men's hockey team was stunning. No one protested. No one said anything. Nope. They all laughed. Hahaha. Very funny. I don't care whether they just won a gold medal or not. That doesn't excuse this abhorrent behavior. Do they act like this around their wives or girlfriends or mothers?

The men and the women were all invited to the White House so they could eat cold hamburgers and drink bottled water, as that's what's always served by the multi-billionaire president. And everybody was also invited to attend the State of the Union address. The women politely declined the invitations, citing other commitments. But 20 of the 25 men on the hockey team showed up. They didn't just show up, they showed up their collective misogyny. 

And today I read an opinion piece online by someone with whom I generally agree, but with whom I couldn't disagree more this time. He said we need to stop talking about the men's hockey team and its misogyny. Boo hoo hoo. 

No, we won't stop talking about it. We women are sick to death of the misogyny, of being overlooked and discounted. We're tired of being treated as less than, as second class citizens. The women's team also defeated Canada and by the same score by which the men won their game.

I suppose the statements from the president, who is mentioned thousands of times in the Epstein files and who has been found guilty of sexual assault, should, is no surprise. But the response from the men's hockey team is a huge disappointment. They should know better. Maybe someday they will know better. 

What Is Wrong With Men?

Why is it that the vast majority of negative, critical, selfish comments I read on many posts online are made by men? 

Women will make intelligent comments. Women are supportive. But not the men. All they can do is b**** and whine and make stupid comments. So many of these men e respond by hurling insults. And of course, men love to throw out the 'what about' card. What about this? What about that person?

Why is this?

It seems that a large portion of males in this country is intimidated or frightened by women, especially strong, intelligent, well educated women. And it's no surprise that Republican men are the majority of this group. They, as evidenced by the statements of the ruling regime, believe that women shouldn't be allowed to vote, that women should stay home and produce babies. Women should take care of the family, cook, clean, feed the kids, and welcome their partners home with a hot, home-cooked meal. Oh, and they must be young, slim, blonde and know their place.

Women are too emotional to govern, these Neanderthals claim. But guess what, cretins? Had Kamala Harris won the 2024 election, she wouldn't have us in the situation we are now in thanks to the bloated orange buffoon occupying the White House.

The differences between males and females, Democrats and Republicans, are always on stark display when a disaster happens. Democrats offer words of sympathy and condolence. Republicans blame the Democrats for something they allegedly did or did not do in previous administrations. And they blame the victims. 

There are exceptions, of course. Barack Obama is a master at conveying compassion, sympathy and words of support. Bill Clinton is similar, although not quite as eloquent as Obama. Barack Obama is such an outstanding and eloquent speaker that I think I could listen to him reading a phone book and be entranced. And his sympathies and his compassion aren't just for sure. They're not just words. His feelings and his support are genuine.

Sometimes, just for fun, I will read a comment without looking at the name of the person who posted it. In 9 percent of the time, if it's a stupid, sexist or racist comment, I would bet anything that it was written by a man. Not all men are like this, of course. Some men make supportive and thoughtful comments. But they appear to be the minority.

Again I ask, what is wrong with these men?

Messages from Beyond

I was talking to my dogs' groomer recently, and the subject of my heart dog Benny came up.

I told her about the dream I had a year or so ago, and the fact that Benny was in the dream. I have shared my life with dogs for more than 50 years, and this was the first time I ever dreamed about one.

The dream was quite short, but it left a lasting impression on my heart. In the dream, I was at the Rainbow Bridge, and I saw Benny on the other side. I called out to him, "Benny! Momma is here!" He immediately started to run toward me as fast as his little legs could move. 

(Benny was a golden retriever/corgi mix. He had the build of a corgi with the coat, ears, tail and temperament of a golden retriever.) He ran into my arms, and I knew we would never be separated again. I was sad because he has been gone almost 3 years. But I was heartened to know that we will be together again for eternity.

Before this dream with Benny, I was sitting in my office talking on the phone with a friend. Suddenly I felt a dog nose 'bop' my figer. I checked to see where my dogs were. Benny was in the back yard enjoying the sunshine, and Layla was sleeping in the living room. Her sister, Bailey, had died recently. When I told my friend about the nose bop, she said it was Bailey letting me know she was OK.

The frist time I had contact with one of my deceased dogs was years ago in California. Patches was the first dog I adopted. She was a small terrier mix, and we had a very close connection. On more than one occasion, I spotted her peaking around the corner at the end of the hallway, something she did frequently. I also heard the jingle of the tags on her collar at other times. Despite the fact that she had died of cancer, the vision of her and the sound of her tags jangling was real. The only explanation I came up with was that she was checking in to let me know she was okay. 

I would love to hear from anyone else who has had experiences like these. I've had 15 dogs all told, and 13 of them have passed. So these messages from beyond don't happen very often. Somehow I wish they did. I have asked Benny to come to me in my dreams again. Even if fleetingly, seeing his beautiful face with such a treat. And it's so reassuring to know that my dogs, no matter how long they have been gone, are doing okay and waiting for me.