So Tired

I am tired of being angry. 

I am tired of being upset. I'm tired of being disgusted. I'm tired of being embarrassed. I am tired of being afraid.

What the current regime in power in Washington and in so many states has done to this country angers me. It upsets me. It disgusts me. It embarrasses me. 

When the chief muskrat and his minions slashed funding for NOAA, what did they expect would happen? Meteorologists aren't getting the data they need to predict life-threatening meteorological events. Case in point: the devastating floods in Texas that claimed the lives of more than 100 people, including numerous children. They slashed FEMA funding, which means there will be little to no assistance for people whose lives have been devastated by natural events. 

So yeah, I'm angry and disgusted and embarrassed. Americans are supposed to look out for each other. The government is supposed to help Americans in need. But now, instead of helping those in need, we're helping the billionaires get even richer.

Non-profit organizations are struggling to help those in need, as more and more and more people need assistance. I am bombarded everyday when the snail mail is delivered with appeals for donations. I just made a donation to the local Meals on Wheels chapter. I do what I can, but I can't afford to support every appeal for money. And I refuse to donate to any organization if it isn't one to which I already donate. That would just open more floodgates of appeals for funds.

I have to wonder whether the members of the regime, and their millions of magat followers, enjoy eating. If they do, they might want to think about who is going to gather the food they enjoy -- the fresh produce, the fruits, the meat they devour. The people who harvest the crops and process the meat are by and large immigrants, many of them here illegally. Who is going to spend eight or more hours every day picking strawberries or harvesting other crops in back-breaking work? Some regime idiot said that once work requirements for Medicaid recipients take effect there will be lots of people to work the fields. Do they expect the disabled or the elderly to show up to pick crops in 100° temperatures?

Every day brings news stories highlighting the depravity and cruelty of this regime. There's nowhere to go to escape. I have been limiting my exposure to the news in order to try and safeguard my sanity. This has not been easy, as my professional career, all 20 years of it, was spent working with the news media, either for a large non-profit organization or for a federal agency. So news is something that I used to need everyday. I like to keep informed about what's going on, not just in the United States, but around the world.

So how do I keep from losing my sanity? First, let me say, it’s not easy. But as I noted above, I limit my exposure to the news media. I stay physically active every day. I read a lot, mostly biographies or historical fiction. I listen to upbeat music. Sometimes it’s Tchaikovsky or Mozart, but lately it’s been ABBA. Anything to distract me and to lighten the mood. Recently I put together a couple of photo wall calendars, one for a friend and one for me. I am fortunate that I can afford to take a variety of photography trips to beautiful locations.

I know I'm not alone in feeling frightened and depressed and overwhelmed. All we can do is take this one day at a time. Thinking that we still have three and a half more years of his madness is something I can't even consider.

Words

There are some words I just don't like. 

Sometimes it's the sound of the word. And sometimes it's what image the word conjures up in my mind. 

Let's start a list of my least favorite words. 

Snack

Patty

Panty 

Beverage 

Vomit

Merch

Wipes

App

Hack

Crotch 

Scalp

Some people have issues with the word moist. That isn't one of my favorite words, but it doesn't really bother me.

As a writer, I love words. I love playing with words and finding just the right word to fit the sentence I'm writing. But some of the words above I will never use in my writing. Not only do certain words sound ugly, some, even most, of the words on my list, represent something ugly.

Why use these ugly words when there are so many beautiful words to choose? Words can express emotions. They can explain things. They can bring back memories both good and bad.

There are too many beautiful words to use to waste my energy on these ugly ones. 

Unrealistic Expectations

I read trip reviews before I plunk my money down for a trip deposit.

Lately, I have been seeing a lot of what are, in my mind, ridiculous complaints. Many come from people who have traveled to other countries and who had difficulty finding vegan or gluten-free meals. 

These kinds of meals are not so difficult to find in the US, but in many developing countries, I'd guess that chefs aren't very familiar with vegan diets or with gluten-free foods.

One woman complained that while in Kenya, the selection of gluten-free foods was extremely limited. Nobody even offered her peanut butter, she complained. I have been to Kenya and other east African countries many times, and peanut butter has never been part of the diet there. Research shows me that peanut butter is sold in Kenya, but how popular it is I don't know. I have never seen it offered as part of the menu.

I have been known to pack a small jar of peanut butter in my suitcase simply because it is one of my favorite foods. I take a small spoon along so I can scoop some peanut butter from the jar. 

I am not vegan, and I certainly could never be vegan, as I love cheese too much. The same goes for gluten-free foods. I don’t need to avoid gluten in foods. I have read that many European countries have plenty of gluten-free options, but if those foods aren't part of the typical Kenyan or Tanzanian diet, or the diet of other developing countries, perhaps the traveler's expectations are too high. I know from research that gluten-free foods are available, but my guess is the chefs aren't all familiar with the concept of gluten free.

When I travel, I expect to enjoy trying the local cuisine. I was offered kudu (a large African antelope) at dinner once in Kenya. I passed, and there were plenty of non-meat foods to enjoy. The kudu on the menu were farm-raised, but I still couldn't bring myself to eat an animal whose relatives I had photographed earlier that day.

A couple of people complained that they returned from a trip with covid. Someone else returned with a swollen knee. Really, people? Covid is still an issue. Why didn't the people wear masks while on the bus or inside a building? There is, or should be, a certain amount of personal responsibility involved. And unless the tour operator was negligent, somebody's swollen knee isn't their problem. 

I tripped on a log that had washed ashore along a rain-swollen river in Kenya. I fell and broke my wrist, which required surgery in Kenya. It was nobody's fault, except maybe mine for not paying more attention to where I was walking. I didn't blame anybody, and I later stayed at the same lodge twice more. Things happen.

One time in Tanzania, as I was exiting the safari vehicle, I slipped on a mud-covered step, twisting my knee. That was nobody's fault. The knee was sore, but it was fine by the next day. Should I have castigated the tour company because there was mud on the step of the vehicle? Absolutely not. These things happen. I, and the tour companies with which I travel, take appropriate precautions, but things still happen. People get sick. People get injured.

International travel is a wonderful thing that I enjoy immensely. I’m looking forward to more international trips over the next few years. But I think those of us who travel internationally must set our expectations and our demands realistically. Things in Kenya or Tanzania or South Africa or Brazil aren’t the same as they are in the United States. If they were, there would be no reason to travel.

My advice? Travel wherever you are called to go. Take precautions. Be fully vaccinated against whatever is recommended by staff of a travel medicine clinic. Pay attention to your surroundings, but don't expect everything to be as it is in the US. I notice things in other countries that wouldn't be allowed in the US. So it's up to me to remain alert and more observant. Most of all, my expectations must be realistic when I travel outside the United States.

Who Else Feels This Way?

Who else is feeling this way in this chaotic, turbulent, stressful time? 

I'm tired, but I have trouble sleeping. I woke up this morning at 3 a.m. I did not go back to sleep, so I got up at 4 a.m. Sadly, this is not the first time this week I woke up in the middle of the night.

There are a lot of things I want to do around the house and yard, but I have zero motivation to do anything. 

If I accomplish one or two things every day, aside from taking each of my dogs for a walk, I feel quite accomplished. I set my goal of doing a couple of things everyday. Some days I'm successful, some days I'm not.

It's hard to focus on anything - - a television program or the book I'm reading.

My nerves feel frayed. I feel very stressed. My patience is extremely limited.

I'm usually not a terribly emotional person, but these days, I am. There's so much cruelty and hatred in this country that it's difficult to hear about it.

At least the weather is nicer and warmer, aside from some very cold nights. I'm lucky to live in a place that has more than 300 days of sunshine every year. That's always good for a boost.

Is It Time To Unplug?

Maybe it's time to unplug. Maybe it's time to get out of the rat race. 

I have been retired for nearly 16 years. While I for the most part enjoyed my job and the opportunities it offered, I don't miss working in the least. I have time now to travel, to read a lot, to write, and to spend time with my dogs. 

But I've been finding that the hectic pace of this world and the overwhelming dump of information is really bothering me.

I cringe every time my cell phone notifies me that I've received a text message or an email. I turn my phone off usually by 7:00 p.m. I limit my consumption of the daily news to one 30 minute local broadcast and one 30 minute network broadcast. 

I confess to being a news junkie. During my long career with both a federal agency and a large non-profit organization, I spent a lot of time working with the news media: arranging interviews, answering questions, writing an issuing news releases. So the news is in my blood. And I'm not interested only in US News. Because I have traveled a lot, I'm also interested in what is going on in the United Kingdom, in various African countries, and in other places around the world. 

So far I'm okay with limiting my consumption of daily news. There's nothing I can do about what's going on in this country or around the world, so I've decided to do my best to reduce my stress levels. I've started listening to relaxing music more than I did in the past. I like classical music, smooth jazz, saxophone music or kestrel music, all kinds of music without words. 

I also read a lot. I don't know how many books are on my Kindle, but I would guess the number to be somewhere around 300 titles, possibly more. Once the weather improves, I plan to do more work in my yard to prepare for the spring and summer. Not only is this something I need to do, but it also offers my dogs a chance to hang out outside and snooze in the sun if they so choose. 

I confess that there are some days I am so upset that I resort to stuffing myself with comfort food, preferably popcorn or potato chips. Neither of these items is especially good for me, but sometimes only comfort food will do. So far I have managed to drop 5 pounds despite my binge eating of comfort food. I still have another 3 pounds to lose, and I hope that once I reach that goal, I will lose even more. Like most people as they age, I have packed on extra pounds that I don't need and that are not good for my health.

I also walk between 4 and 5 miles every day. Each of my dogs gets a roughly 1 mi walk every morning, and the rest of the distance is made up by walking alone, or just by doing regular activities around the house. 

Writing this blog is another thing that helps me to decompress. Regardless of how many people do or don't read my posts, I write because I enjoy writing. 

I took a three- week break from Facebook, which was initially a challenge, but after a couple of days I didn't miss it at all. In fact, my initial plan was to take a break for three days. Then I figured I could go a week. Then I pushed that to two weeks, finally rejoining social media after three weeks. 

As much as I would like to, I doubt that I will ever totally disengage from the electronic, information heavy era in which we live. 

I would love to hear about other people's coping strategies during this very stressful in chaotic time.

When Your Heart Hurts

 What to do when your heart hurts.

I asked myself that question one evening as I thought about all the horrible things that are going on in this world. In the US, we have drought, we have massive flooding, we have record snowfall, we have tornadoes. 

And on the world stage, we have a madman president who, without the approval of Congress, which has the constitutional authority to declare war, who unleashed a massive attack on Iran, in conjunction with the leader of Israel, who is as crooked as the US president. One of the first thing the Americans did was to attack an elementary school for girls in Tehran. 

So far the US death toll is at seven, but with talks of sending US ground troops into Iran, And the possibility of bringing back the draft, we know that total will rise. Gas prices have skyrocketed, and will undoubtedly go even higher. The US economy is shrinking, with tens of thousands of jobs lost last month. Inflation remains. And the president, who as he always does was spending the weekend at his fancy resort in Florida, decided to attack Iran because he "had a feeling" Iran was going to attack the US. 

So yes, my heart hurts. I feel nauseous. I am helpless. All I can do is donate funds to organizations on the ground in the Middle East providing aid to citizens affected by the war. My long time favorite organization is World Central Kitchen. 

That's it. Like other Americans, I am helpless to do anything. I know my representatives in Congress oppose this war. So contacting them would be a waste of time. 

I'm tired of feeling this way. I'm tired of feeling angry. I'm tired of feeling upset. I'm tired of feeling ashamed of my country. I served this country as a civilian for 23 years. I held high security clearances at a couple of points during my career. So I'm a little bit more than just an American spectator. 

And quite frankly, I am sick. Literally sick. I have never hated anybody the way I hate the American dictator. His entire administration is a joke. It's nothing but a bunch of unqualified buffoons. And I see no good way out of this.

I love my country, but I despise what it has become. This is not what America has always been. We have civilians being shot in the streets by members of ICE. We have immigrants, some of them having become US citizens, rounded up and carted off to be incarcerated God knows where. 

The only thing America stands for now is greed. Greed is what runs this country. It's not honesty. It's not integrity. It's not care and concern for others. It's greed. And I hate it.

I am reaching the point where I just don't care any more.

People I Admire

I don't admire many people, and certainly their celebrity status doesn't make me admire them. 

I don't care whether they're wealthy. It's what they do that causes my admiration. 

Here's a short list of people I think are worth being admired, in no particular order. 

Dolly Parton 

The late Jane Goodall 

Sir David Attenborough 

Malala Yousafzai 

Chef Jose Andres

Taylor Swift

Pink

Three of these people are known for their philanthropy: singer/songwriters Dolly Parton and Taylor Swift, and chef Jose Andres of World Central Kitchen. Singer-songwriter Pink also has an impressive history of philanthropy.

Dr Jane Goodall is famous for her studies of wild chimpanzees and her ongoing campaigning for the environment.. 

Sir David Attenborough has spent 70 years writing and producing documentaries about the natural world.

Malala Yousafzai is a Pakistani advocate for female education. She was shot by the Taliban because of her efforts.

Taylor Swift is a mega superstar worth billions of dollars. And she is a very generous superstar who gives a lot of money to food banks and food pantries wherever she has concert performances.

These are people worth admiring. Rather than acting as so many billionaires do and working furiously to accumulate more and more money, these people work to make life better. 

They are people to admire.