I’m Fine

How often have we uttered those two little words? I’m fine.

And of the many times we have said I’m fine, how many times have we in reality not been fine? How many times have we been anything but fine. How many times have we said we are fine because we don’t want to explain why we’re not fine. Or we don’t want to admit that we aren’t fine. Or we don’t want to admit to ourselves that we are certainly not fine. Admitting that we are not fine forces us to admit that we are struggling, that we are less than strong, that we are human after all.

It’s easier to tell someone that we are fine rather than admitting the reality of how we are. Many of us don’t want to admit that we are less than fine. Perhaps we feel that admitting that we aren’t fine makes us appear weak. And admitting publicly that we aren’t fine also forces us to admit to ourselves that we aren’t fine. So this is a supposedly easy way to deny our true feelings.

Of course, if the clerk in the grocery store asks how we are doing, we aren't going to lay out all our fears and worries. So there certainly is a time and a place to tell someone we are fine. It's a social norm. The clerk doesn't really want to know everything about your life. Asking is just a social norm.

We construct a facade by pretending, to ourselves and to others, that we have no problems or difficulties or emotions with which we don't want to deal. We construct the (false) image we want to project to the world. And in the process, we deny our true feelings. 

The words I’m fine are uttered frequently in television dramas, when it’s all too obvious to the viewer that the characters uttering those words are anything but fine. As vierws, we know the backstory. But it isn't only in television dramas that people pretend they are fine. Real people do it all the time, to avoid admitting that they are struggling, that they aren't as 'together' as they want people to believe they are, and to avoid the potential shame or embarrassment that might arise if we admit that our life isn't what it appears to be.

Unfortunately, avoiding our true feelings is not a good, or healthy, long-term strategy. Eventually our repressed or ignored feelings will catch up with us. Perhaps we will become physically ill. Perhaps we will have a breakdown.

And if we acknowledge our problems or fears to others, we have to face them and admit to ourselves that we are not happy, that we are struggling, or that we we need help. Sometimes we pretend that we are fine to avoid conflict with others.

Please think before we utter those two little words I'm fine. Are you really fine, or is there something you are avoiding?