Regrets

Everybody, I'm sure, has regrets in life.

My sister-in-law and nephew recently climbed to the summit of Tanzania's Mount Kilimanjaro, at 19,341 feet the highest point in Africa. I regret that I will never get to do that.

Kilimanjaro

I'm simply too old. Although I exercise regularly, and I live at about 5,300 feet elevation, my muscles just don't have the strength they once had. 

The same goes for visiting Machu Picchu and Cinque Terre. And I don't see myself trekking through the jungles of Uganda in search of a family of gorillas, either. The strength just isn't there for a lot of climbing. I regret waiting so long to plan to go on these adventures.

I've done other things that require a decent amount of physical strength and endurance. I ran the San Francisco Marathon (26.2 miles) in 1984, finishing in a respectable time. I walked 60 miles over three days to raise money for breast cancer research. I did a 10-mile hike in Joshua Tree National Park two years ago. I have ridden 60 miles on my bicycle on a single day, a few times. I ran 3 miles or more six or seven days a week for more than 30 years. So I have never been a couch potato.

But climbing Mount Kilimanjaro? Not likely. I love visiting Africa (I've been there 10 times so far), and climbing this mountain would be wonderful. In addition to the physical challenges, my vision isn't what it used to be. So I will have to admire the mountain from afar. I was lucky to be able to see and photograph the mountain on a rare day when it wasn't enveloped in clouds. That will have to suffice.

I got to visit Egypt this year, and I'm going to Greece next year, so I am working through my list of places I have always wanted to visit. Italy, Iceland and Australia remain on the list. I try to visit one or two places from my wish list each year. 

I have other regrets, too, of course, but those are not for public discussion. No life is perfect. We all make mistakes. We all wish we could go back in time and do things differently. All I can do is try to live my life so when it ends, there are as few regrets as possible. I'm not going to give up having adventures, but it's important to know my limitations.

We don't know how much time we have left, so get out there and live your life so when it is over, you have as few regrets as possible.

A Picture Is Worth 1,000 Words

What do you see when you look at this image?

The photo is quite simple: a single strand of barbed wire. A brick wall with a light fixture and a sign with a number on it. Four simple elements. The focus in on the strand of wire, which is why the background is deliberately out of focus but still discernible.

I generally photograph landscapes and wildlife, things of beauty. I seldom write a post focused on a single photograph, especially one that isn't breathtaking in its beauty. People enjoy looking at gorgeous scenery and impressive wild animals. Barbed wire? Not so much.

But I wanted to share this image taken during a recent trip to Poland. This single strand of barbed wire (there were others above and below it) is part of a fence within the original Auschwitz concentration camp. The brick wall is part of Block 23, a former Polish army barracks converted, along with many others, to become a prison. Block 23 was one of several buildings that held Soviet prisoners of war. The vast majority of these prisoners died of starvation or disease.

I like this photograph for its stark simplicity. Its four elements tell a story, of imprisonment and cruelty and death. Is there any doubt about the story the image tells nearly 80 years after the end of the war? 

"A picture is worth a thousand words" goes an old adage. I think this image is worth a lot more than 1,000 words. It speaks to torture, cruelty, imprisonment, starvation, death on a mass scale, hatred, inhumanity, sadism, and so many more of man's basest actions.

I took more than 1,500 images during my time at both the Auschwitz main camp and at the nearby, and much larger, Auschwitz-Birkenau camp. I think this photo is one of the handful that really represents the horror of the Nazi effort to exterminate those they considered to be undesirable and sub-human.

Please let me know your reaction to this image. I shared this image as my 'photo of the day' on my Facebook photography page, and it received very little attention. Apparently people aren't interested in seeing a photograph that doesn't show a cute animal or a beautiful nature scene. Frustrating.

An Apology

Dear World,

On behalf of the majority of Americans, I want to apologize for the unhinged, crazy, greedy, uneducated, boorish, vile, selfish, uninformed, heartless, lying behavior of the person occupying the White House. 

I apologize to our Kurdish allies for our leaving them to be slaughtered by Turkey, with the tacit approval of the so-called leader of the free world. I apologize for the many times (too many to count) he has insulted the leaders of other countries, particularly those countries that have long been this country's allies (Germany, the UK, Canada, France, Mexico and Australia come to mind. I am sure there are others.) I apologize for his more than 12,000 lies, with more added every day.

I apologize to the Hispanics, Jews, Muslims, blacks and others he has insulted. I apologize to the women and girls he has insulted and assaulted. I apologize to the businesses he has refused to pay for their work. I apologize to the countries he insulted by calling them "shit hole countries."  I apologize to the family and friends of the late Sen. John McCain for the insulting way this five-time draft dodger spoke about a genuine war hero. I apologize to the migrant families whose children were taken from them at the border, locked in cages and kept there without showers, toothbrushes, and other basic hygiene items. I apologize to the residents of Puerto Rico, who are, after all, American citizens, for the complete lack of concern and compassion shown to them. I apologize to the family of the Muslim American soldier who died in defense of the United States, for the insults to which you were subjected because of your religion.

I apologize to the people of the world for his actions to undo a variety of environmental protections, including those that help protect our water, air and endangered species. I apologize for America's withdrawal from the nuclear treaty with Iran, the Paris climate accord, and other agreements on which this country has reneged. America's word is now worthless. Why would any nation trust us again? The orange menace has proven, repeatedly, that America's word is worthless.

I apologize for his myriad racist, sexist comments. I apologize for his name-calling and for the insults hurled at everyone who dares to disagree with him. I apologize for his ongoing insults to four women of color, all of them US citizens and all of them members of Congress. I apologize for his ignorance, his incessant bragging about himself, and for his refusal to listen to people who actually know what they are talking about. Finally, I apologize that so many millions of people in this country remain gullible enough to believe his lies and support his racism and misogyny. 

What I will not do is apologize for fighting against this petulant man-child, for opposing his hateful words and actions, and for doing my best to let others know the very real threat he presents not just to the United States, but to the world.

A Short Gratitude List

 I think it's time to start working on a new gratitude list.

I did one a few years ago, but I haven't gone back to look at it for a number of years. As I'm getting older (aren't we all?), I have begun to think more about the things in my life for which I am grateful. And under the circumstances facing America with the dictator-in-chief and his cronies in Congress hell bent on turning this country into a fascist state, a gratitude list seems more appropriate than ever.

For my previous list, I set myself a goal of coming up with 100 things for which I am grateful. I'm not going to do that this time. Instead, I'm just going to make a list of things as they come to mind.

• Rain. I live in the high desert of New Mexico. After several years of drought in this normally arid state, we have been blessed this year with a fair amount of rain. Just a few days ago, I was listening to the wonderful sound of rain on the skylights.
• Travel. I have been to more than two dozen countries in the past few years. Each of them taught me something; each of them has left me with some wonderful memories. I have made new friends, including some who live in other countries, as a result of my travels.
• Education.  I saw a post on Facebook about a young girl in Kenya who was able to enroll in high school and go on to college because of the scholarship sponsored by a couple from another country. That story made me realize again how fortunate we in the United States are to have a system of free public education. I know there are kids whose families can't afford to provide them all the clothes and school supplies they need each year. And our public schools have lots of problems. But I have yet to see an American school without electricity and running water, no supplies, no lights, only a handful of textbooks, no place for the kids to eat their lunch other than sitting on the ground outside, and trying to learn in a room with dirt floors. And yet the children in Kenya are excited to learn. I am now sponsoring the high school education of a girl in rural Kenya.
• My good health. Although I have arthritis in my hands and osteoporosis in my lower spine and hip, I am otherwise in excellent shape. 
• Food. Unlike people in much of the world, including here in New Mexico, I have always been able to afford to buy food. 
• My house. I am fortunate to have a lovely home with gorgeous views of the mountains. 
• Excellent medical care. Over the past 2 years, I have needed multiple eye surgeries to repair torn and detached retinas in both eyes. Although Albuquerque isn't known for its excellent medical care, there is a group of amazing ophthalmologists here. I have had eye surgery by four of them. I am so grateful that these skilled doctors are available to save my sight.  
• Financial security. I have enough money to allow me to live comfortably, pay my bills, and look forward to a secure future.
• Good friends. I don't have a lot of friends, but those I do have are wonderful.
• Giving back. I have the desire and the means to give to those less fortunate. From donating money to a variety of charities to collecting food to support local food banks, I am blessed to be able to give. And I am glad that I was raised with a spirit of giving.
• Photography. I am grateful that I have the talent, the desire and the means to take part in photography, and to share my talent with others. 
• New Mexico sunshine and gorgeous blue skies 300+ days every year.
• The love and devotion of my dogs.

This is a short list of 13 items for which I am grateful. I think making a gratitude list is a good exercise that makes me/us aware of the positive things in our lives. And thinking about positive things can make our outlook on life more positive. Studies have shown that people who feel thankful are happier. I take happiness wherever I can find it.

And with the world as it is today, we need all the happiness we can get. So, what are you grateful for today?

What I Would Like To Do

You know what I would like to do? I would like to live my perfect life.

In a perfect world, this is what my life would look like. I would

• live in a cozy cabin in the woods (but not too isolated, and with modern conveniences).
• spend hours every day reading.
• spend lots of time hiking with my dogs.
• travel the world pursuing my passion for photography.
• listen to music -- classical and smooth jazz -- to keep me relaxed. 
• minimize exposure to the news 
• have a small shop to sell my photographs, calendars, etc.
• live part of each year in a different country
• do more writing and get more followers of this blog

 Some of these items are a reality now, but to a lesser extent than I would like. I do spend a lot of time reading every day. I travel six to eight times each year, with some trips being devoted to photography. I listen to classical music regularly. I have cut back on how much news I watch. 

I'm not sure I will ever live part of each year in another country, and I'm not likely to have a shop where I can sell my calendars, photos, etc. And I'm not likely to move permanently to a cozy cabin in the woods. But maybe I can rent one for a few days or a week, just for my dogs and me.

What are the things you want to do to make your life happier or more meaningful?

The Red Shoes of Auschwitz

During my most recent time (several days) at the main Auschwitz concentration camp in Poland, I saw, heard and experienced many disturbing things.

I walked through the cold, dark 'Death Barracks' where female prisoners deemed too ill to work were warehoused until executed in a gas chamber. I saw the field where the ashes of countless people remain buried after their bodies were burned outside when the crematorium broke. I saw the cell where prisoners were kept until they starved to death. I walked past the building where heinous experiments were carried out on Jewish women. I entered one of the gas chambers and walked past the ovens. 

Then there were the glass-fronted display rooms that housed all sorts of  brushes, suitcases, eyeglasses, pots and pans, artificial limbs, even human hair. But of all these macabre items, it was the shoes that had the greatest impact on me this time, as a couple of years ago. Yes, the shoes. Ordinary, everyday shoes in the styles of the 1940s.

Why the shoes? I wondered. But think about it. Aside from the eyeglasses, shoes are perhaps the most personal of the items taken from the prisoners, nearly all of them Jewish. Their clothes were laundered and sent to Germany for use by the wartime civilian population. Most shoes were sent to Germany as well. But some shoes remained in the camp, perhaps at the end of the war when the Nazis realized they were losing the war and running out of time. Some shoes were given to prisoners, but without regard to size or practicality. Some received two left shoes, for example. Most prisoners were forced to wear wooden clogs.

When Auschwitz was liberated by Soviet soldiers on Jan. 27, 1945, the camp held some 43,000 pairs of shoes. Let that sink in. More than 43,000 pairs of shoes, each pair representing a human life. There are shoes of all sizes, all kinds and all styles. 

Most are brown. Most are well worn. But among the thousands of brown shoes on display, I spotted two red shoes, of different styles. Their color made them stand out from the rest. And so I began to wonder, Who was the person who once wore these shoes? Where did she live? What was her name, her story? How old was she? Did she perish immediately, or did she die later of starvation or disease? Did she die along with other members of her family? These are questions whose answers will never be known.

Despite never being able to know anything about the wearer of these red shoes, I feel a certain connection to her. In my mind, I see her as young, fun-loving, perhaps somewhat bold, and certainly full of life. 

Few physical items are more personal than the shoes people wore. Shoes take on the shape of the feet that wear them every day. They are chosen by the people who wear them, whether for comfort, style or color. Each of these 43,000 pairs of shoes, and countless uncounted millions of other shoes, were removed from the feet of people imprisoned and doomed to death because of who they were. It doesn't matter whether the people were Polish political prisoners, Roma, Soviet prisoners of war, Jews or homosexuals. All were rounded up, stripped of possessions and their identities, and murdered simply because one group of evil people decided they must die.

Piles of shoes in Auschwitz and other death camps served several purposes. They were a reminder to the Nazis of the success of their ongoing efforts to cleanse the Nazi empire of anyone and everyone not 'Aryan' enough. They provided shoes for German civilians. And they served as reminders to those still imprisoned that they, too, would soon join those whose shoes were part of a huge pile of items taken from people who no longer needed them.

I don't plan to return to Auschwitz again, having visited the camps twice. But I don't think I ever will forget the red shoes and wonder about the person who once wore them.

It's About Doing, Not Having

The older I get, the more I believe this statement. It isn’t about having, it’s about doing. 

It's about experiences. It's about giving. It's about helping. It isn't about buying.

Material things just aren’t that important to me. Yes, I live in a nice house and I drive a nice car. But the things that make me happiest are the experiences I get to enjoy through my travels and through my photography. And I like to help others.

I have worked for the past two years, off and on, to get rid of things from my house. I have given away to a local thrift shop clothes, shoes, tons of CDs and household goods. I also have given numerous books to an organization that uses the funds from the sale of these books to support our local public library. I gave two unused suitcases, a large artificial Christmas tree and boxes of lights and ornaments, as well as a couple of coats, to a shelter for victims of domestic abuse. And yet, despite all this, I still have a lot of 'stuff' in my house. So the process of getting rid of things continues.

And I don't miss any of the things I have given away. My house still looks the same, although a couple of book shelves are noticeably less crowded. My closets remain filled with clothing and shoes. But now I think twice before buying anything. Do I really need that item? Will I actually use it? Do I already have something that will serve the same purpose? Do I need it, or do I merely want it?

So rather than accumulating more items, I much prefer to do other things with my money. I travel a lot. I donate to charity. Recently I helped my daughter with a down payment on a car after hers was stolen and trashed beyond repair. All those things bring me much more pleasure than does buying something I don't really need. 

I recently returned from a 12-day trip to Berlin and Poland to learn about the Holocaust. Part of the trip was a service project at the original Auschwitz concentration camp. I joined our trip leader and 11 others in raking leaves, sweeping sidewalks, inspecting portable exhibits for damage, and checking the language on the permanent displays. The wording had been translated from Polish, and we, as native speakers of English, were asked to review and make note of any incorrect or awkward word usage, punctuation errors, etc.

A few members of my group noted that some friends had asked them why they were taking this trip, and especially why they were doing a service project for which they had to pay. "Who would pay to go to Auschwitz and work?" was the sentiment. But each person in the group saw far beyond the cost of this trip. We saw it as an opportunity to learn about a horrendous time in history, and to contribute in some small way to preserving the memory of the victims. And perhaps by sharing out experiences with others, we can make some small contribution to ensuring that another genocide doesn't happen. 

I love the experience of travel to other countries. For some, it may be taking trips with the family, or spending a day with the grandkids. Experiences don't have to involve spending a lot of money. Volunteering, taking a neighbor who doesn't drive to go grocery shopping, helping a friend with a project -- all of these experiences can make meaningful memories. When you're on your death bed, will you recall how big your house was, or what a fancy car you drove? Or will you reflect on the experiences you had and the memories you made?

It's doing, not having, that is so important. I hope Americans will remember that, especially now that the ever-earlier 'holiday season' is upon us. The garish displays of Christmas merchandise appear earlier every year, urging consumers to spend, spend, spend. If you must spend, how about putting your money into experiences rather than the latest gadget or toys the manufacturers tell you and you kids you absolutely must have?