My Favorite Things

Central New Mexico is having some very cold weather. Tonight is supposed to be only 5 degrees, with a high tomorrow of 27. Strong winds make it seem even colder. So as I lay in bed early this morning, long before the sun tried to make an appearance, I started thinking about some of my favorite winter things. If I thought about all the things I don't like about winter, I would probably never get out of bed until spring.

Winter weather is definitely not one of my favorite things. But there are a few good things about this time of year:

• Lying on my wonderful bed, snuggled between flannel sheets and covered by several warm blankets.
• Listening to my 14-year-old dog sleeping, and sometimes snoring, in her bed.
• Making homemade macaroni and cheese from a new recipe.
• Drinking a cup of hot tea as I read the morning paper.
• Eating hot soup or chili to ward off the cold.
• Enjoying a bowl of hot oatmeal or multi-grain cereal for breakfast.
• Putting on a warm cotton sweater and cozy socks.
• Feeling the temperature inside the house rise after I turn up the thermostat.
• Feeling my car seat warm up once what I call the 'bun warmer' is activated. 
• Contacting a real estate agent in Tucson to start the search for a winter home so I no longer have to put up with this awful winter weather.

Do you see a pattern here? Most of my favorite winter things are about getting me warm. Snow-shoeing, skiing and ice skating are NOT on my list of favorite winter things. I passed up a hike recently because the weather was too cold and windy to enjoy a nice hike. Staying warm definitely is one of my favorite things.

I don't have a lot of good things to say about winter. But at least there is a handful of things I can enjoy while I eagerly await the arrival of spring.

From Hopeless to Hopeful

Today is a very exciting day for me. More than than three years ago, I was encouraged by my daughter's therapist to write a book about my experiences raising a child adopted from Russia when she was 11 years old. Today, my book has been published. Well, it has been self-published through www.lulu.com. 

I had several reasons for writing this book. First, I have loved to write since I was in middle school, way back when. Writing provides an emotional outlet for me. Many people have told me how much they enjoy my writing. But the primary reason I wrote this book was to encourage other adoptive parents who may be struggling with their adopted children's behaviors and emotional issues, to let them know that no matter how dark things appear, there is hope for their family, and to help educate prospective adoptive parents about the challenges they will likely face should they choose to adopt.

I suspect that those in the adoption industry won't be happy with being 'called out' in this book for their failure to educate people before they adopt and for failing to provide support after the child is home. Adoptive parents are largely left to find qualified attachment therapists, physicians and caregivers on their own, through trial and error or by word of mouth.

Adopted children, particularly older children, often present parents with issues such as attachment problems, post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety and depression. Children adopted from Russia and Eastern Europe also are more likely to have fetal alcohol syndrome to one degree or another. And spending even a brief time in an orphanage can have profound effects on the developing brain of a child. Unfortunately, the adoption industry has done little or nothing to educate prospective adopters about these issues. The result has been families completely unprepared to deal with, these issues. Love is not enough to treat these serious emotional issues, the result of broken attachments with the birth family, institutionalization, and often, exposure to alcohol in utero.

Raising an adopted child is far different from raising a biological child, particularly if the child is older at the time of adoption. My daughter, who is now 19, and I faced a myriad of attachment- and childhood trauma-related issues. I was totally unprepared to even put a name to her afflictions, much less know how to deal with them. Many of the traditional parenting techniques for dealing with 'difficult' children not only don't work, but may actually make things worse. And many therapists, lacking knowledge of attachment issues, are unable to help. Fortunately, we were able to find, after several false starts, an excellent therapist who understands the special issues of adopted children.

With a great deal of therapy, residential treatment and her own determination and hard work, combined with my love and support, my daughter has made tremendous strides in self-esteem, confidence and self-understanding. She is a wonderful, charming, beautiful and caring young lady.

I hope readers will find support, encouragement and useful information in this book, which is, as a friend told me, truly a labor of love.

From Hopeless to Hopeful: Raising an Adopted Older Child is available at http://www.lulu.com/shop/ann-sullivan/from-hopeless-to-hopeful-raising-an-older-adopted-child/paperback/product-20619017.html or by clicking the button at the top right of this page.

Keeping It Positive

Keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts become your words. Keep your words positive because your words become your behaviors. Keep your behaviors positive because your behaviors become your habits. Keep your habits positive because your habits become your values. Keep your values positive because your values become your destiny. -- Gandhi


This is another quote that showed up recently on Facebook, and I thought it was a great reminder of the importance of positive thinking. Our thinking truly can color our outlook on life, how we treat others, how we feel, and how we act.

It is, I admit, often difficult to be positive in our crazy, stressful, anger-filled world. The U.S. Congress refuses to deal in a meaningful way with our huge deficit. Wild species are threatened as never before, either for profit or sport. Threats to the environment abound. Mentally ill people with assault rifles continue to kill and injure innocent victims.The economy remains fragile, with millions of people unemployed. Add in our individual and family problems and challenges, and it is amazing that anyone can keep a positive attitude.

I am a pretty positive person, but as we begin a new year, I am making an effort to be even more mindful of my thoughts and words, and to keep them positive. No matter what I may be dealing with, there are many, many people facing far greater struggles.

A recent column in the Albuquerque Journal introduced a man who decided to make a new beginning, to commit to being more positive. If enough people do this, he believes, the world will become a happier place. And this world certainly can use a shot of happiness.

“No more hate,” he said in e-mails to the columnist. “It starts with one family at a time and one city at a time. Teach your family not to hate, and we will not have the tragedies that have recently plagued us.”

He urges us to refocus our priorities, to change our focus, and to try to be a source of happiness to others. What if we wake up every morning, expecting, as singer Dolly Parton once said, to have a good day? What if we focus not on what we can't do or what we don't have, but on what we can do and what we do have? I sometimes need to remind myself that I am very healthy and still able to enjoy hiking, bicycling and other outdoor activities, despite the fact that I don't have the muscle strength I once had, and I good workout leaves me more tired than I would expect. But at least I still can get outdoors and enjoy activities that make me happy.

What if we make a real effort practice kindness in our words and in our actions? It's worth a try, isn't it? We never know when a simple, random act of kindness will really make a difference in someone's day. And it will make us feel better, too.

Pay it forward.

Just Do Something

On New Year's Eve, I noticed a Facebook post about an elderly, disabled woman who had received a small ($10) increase in her disability payments. She said she wanted to 'just do something' to help animal victims of puppy mills, and contacted a woman active in this cause about donating her extra $10 to help.

How wonderful would it be if everybody committed to 'just do something' to make the world a better place? Buy an extra can of soup or package of pasta and donate it to a food bank or pantry. Donate an old winter coat. Buy a meal for a homeless person. Help an immigrant learn English. Tutor a child. Join the PTA. Foster an animal until it is adopted. Volunteer to walk dogs or play with cats at a local animal shelter. Form a team to do a charity walk or run. Write a letter to the editor or elected official about a cause that concerns you. Visit a veterans hospital or an elderly person in a nursing home. Drive a neighbor who no longer drives to the grocery store or to a doctor appointment.

Use your imagination. Think about what cause is important to you, then 'just do something.' Find a way to get involved, to help, to encourage, to support. If you can't give money, give a few hours of your time. If you have a special talent or skill (photography, Web page design, accounting or sewing, for example), share it with an organization. A group of people who love to knit and crochet makes baby blankets and hats for newborns. If you have children at home, get them involved in your charitable efforts, too. Teach them to give back. Ask them how they want to help.

Today is Jan. 1 -- the beginning of a new year. Many people vow to exercise more or to lose weight. How about adding something else to your plans for the new year, something that is guaranteed to make you feel better? Get involved. Make a difference in the life of a person or animal. It doesn't matter which cause  you embrace. JUST DO SOMETHING!

Fighting Back Against the Heart of Darkness

"With such a killer culture in the United States, with such a dismissal of the value of all life, is it any wonder that little children are killed in Connecticut, people gunned down in Aurora and American military wipe out Afghani families? There are clear connections here–no difference between slaughtering wolves and their cubs and killing children. The heart of darkness rules this nation and has since its origins in Colonial times. The people must change."

This comment was posted recently on a blog called Howling for Justice, which monitors the ongoing slaughter of wolves for 'sport' and 'fun.'

It does seem that "the heart of darkness" has taken up residence not just in America, but throughout the world as a whole. Syrian army troops routinely shell civilian neighborhoods. Palestinian terrorists detonate bombs on crowded Israeli buses, while Israel lobs bombs into residential areas of Palestine. Thousands suffer and die in Somalia while armed factions fight. In the U.S., innocent school children are murdered as their teachers try in vain to protect them. Firefighters are ambushed by a crazy person who set his house on fire, then shot and killed two of the firemen who responded. Congress goes on vacation after failing to deal with the nation's pressing problems. Animal abuse is rampant, and usually unpunished. The president of Russia this week signed a law banning all adoptions of Russian orphans by U.S. citizens, dooming the children to a life of poverty and discrimination. Wolves are murdered with guns and traps simply for being wolves -- for 'sport.' What a sick sport it is to kill animals for fun.

What has happened to the human race? What makes us so cruel and uncaring about others? People are rude. I see it all the time when I am out walking. Cars blast by me on the dirt roads of my neighborhood, leaving me in a cloud of dust. I frequently pick up trash tossed from cars onto the nearby streets -- often a McDonald's bag in the same place day after day -- an obvious repeat litterbug. Drivers run red lights and stop signs. Children and animals are abused, perhaps even killed. People trample other shoppers in a frenzy to take advantage of some must-have 'deal' on Black Friday.Thieves empty storage sheds full of donated toys for needy children. Innocent commuters are shoved in front of on-coming subway trains. And yesterday, as I finished my daily walk, I passed my neighbor skinning a deer carcass suspended from a large hook on the back of a truck. Two deer heads lay on the ground nearby. This is NOT something that should be done on a public street, in full view of everybody who happens to pass.

But more than simply being rude, so many people are filled with hate and anger. Rather than settling their differences in a civilized fashion, they pull out a gun and murder their opponent. Or they show up with a whole arsenal and murder countless innocent people. Sometimes people are killed because they are different -- gay, Hispanic, Asian or African-American. The prevailing attitude seems to be that everyone who isn't like us is 'less than' human and doesn't deserve respect. If somebody has something we want, we feel justified in taking it.

Where, and how, do we start to cleanse ourselves, our nation and our world of this darkness? How do we regain a more civilized society? Obviously, the causes of evil are many and varied. Today's newspaper contained an editorial cartoon that suggested the following reasons for the prevalence of evil in today's world: exposure to violence, dissolution of the family, decaying morality, mental illness, apathy, desensitization, lack of social contact, pop culture and unearned fame.

Turning around our society won't be easy. It isn't so much a matter of money (aside from doing a better job of providing mental health care) as it is a matter of attitude. The 'me first' attitude must change. We need to teach our children respect and healthy boundaries. We need to instill in them a sense of compassion, caring and sharing. We need to control or eliminate the violent video games and television programs to which our children are exposed. We need to teach our children about the wonders and beauty of nature. The natural world is not here for us to exploit; it is here to teach us and to restore us. We need to help those in need, whether we know them or not. We need to connect with others in person, not just via e-mail or Facebook or Twitter. We need to make time for our families, not just for our jobs.

There is no easy solution, and whatever we do won't result in an immediate change. But we must start. The 26 acts of kindness movement initiated by NBC News reporter Ann Curry is a wonderful start, with people throughout the world carrying out their own acts of kindness in memory of the 26 people killed in Newtown, CT, just before Christmas.

How about it? Whether you do 26 or one act of kindness, I encourage you to make 2013 the year you -- we -- start to fight back against the heart of darkness. Happy New Year, everyone.

Looking Back on 2012

I can't say I'm sorry to see the end of the year 2012, which saw the death of my father and the unplanned pregnancy of my teenage daughter. But the year saw several good things as well, and it is those on which I will dwell. I made a real effort to get out and do things I enjoy and visit new places, and I did a lot of hiking and photography.

In June, my daughter and I visited Sedona and the Grand Canyon. We spent a day at the Grand Canyon last December, so it was nice to return in warmer weather. It was a short trip, but one that motivated me to return to Sedona next year for hiking and photography. Sedona's red rocks are beautiful beyond words. I also hiked 1-1/2 miles down into the Grand Canyon (and back up), something I had never done before.

In the spring, a friend and I visited the lovely Monastery of Christ in the Desert, near Abiquiu. It is very isolated and quiet, and set among some of New Mexico's beautiful red rocks.

In July, my daughter and I spent six days in London, followed by a couple of weeks visiting Russia, her birthplace. We went to Moscow, where I used to live, followed by a trip to Tyumen' and Berkut in western Siberia, and finally to St. Petersburg. While in Berkut, we spent several hours with the former director of her orphanage and were treated to a Russian lunch in her honor.

Changing of the guard at Buckingham Palace

One of the Kremlin Churches and Ivan the Terrible bell tower.

Catherine Palace

Mesa Verde's Cliff Palace

I went hiking to several places I had not visited before: Mesa Verde National Park in southern Colorado, and Arches and Canyonlands national parks in Utah. I also took my very first rafting trip, on the Colorado River, which was a lot of fun. What a treat it was to stay in the Red Cliffs Lodge, on the Colorado River and among towering red rocks a few miles from Moab, Utah.

Colorado River near Moab, UT

Death Valley's Zabriskie Point

A month later, I went hiking in Death Valley. It isn't a place I want to visit again, but I am glad I got to see it. Even in October, it was quite hot. It is much rockier than I had expected.



My daughter and I spent a late-autumn weekend in Durango, CO, riding the narrow gauge steam train from Durango to the old mining town of Silverton. The train chugged along through lovely aspens and along a sparkling river, stopping a couple of times to take on water. When we reached Silverton, we stopped for lunch and explored the town.

I continued my weekly volunteer work at St. Felix Pantry, and my daughter and I helped at the pantry's annual free community dinner on Thanksgiving Day. I also continued volunteering with Wanagi Wolf Rescue, which said a sad good-bye to Silver Bear and welcomed new wolf O-tai-oni. I even volunteered to work a couple of shifts at a low-cost spay/neuter clinic sponsored by the Santa Fe Humane Society and by New Mexico Dogs Deserve Better.

Aztec Ruins

I enjoyed some local events as well. I went with a friend to a sunflower festival, an Indian market at the nearby Santo Domingo pueblo and to the Indian Pueblo Cultural Center in Albuquerque, where I bought an amazing Navajo rug. I also visited the ancient ruins at Chaco Canyon, Pecos National Historical Park and Aztec Ruins in northwestern New Mexico (which have nothing to do with the Aztecs).

I also made four trips to the Chicago area, two by car and two by air, all related to my father's illness and death.

In November, after three years of writing and editing, I finished my book about the challenges and joys of raising an adopted child. It will be available through www.lulu.com in early 2013. Formatting is now complete, and a cover has been designed. I am looking forward to finally seeing my book in print after such a long time.

For 2013, my daughter and I have tickets to a Carrie Underwood concert in early March, and we hope to return to see Celine Dion perform in Las Vegas again. I have made reservations for a hiking trip in Turkey in May, and one in Yosemite National Park in September.

I am hopeful that 2013 will be a good year for everyone, that it will bring greater peace and compromise in the world, and greater respect for our environment and the animals struggling to share the world with us.

Christmas is Missing This Year

It's two days before Christmas 2012, and rather than feeling excited and joyful, my heart is sad.

Despite the relentless commercials touting 'the perfect gift' and the daily newspaper stuffed with last-minute ads, the holiday spirit is burning rather dimly this year. There are several reasons for this.

My father died in April, and although I didn't live near him, I find myself frequently missing him. His death means that my siblings and I now have no parents, as my mother died in 2006. That we have no more parents or grandparents is a hard fact to accept.

My daughter is pregnant with a baby girl, due to be born in early February. She has decided to place the baby for adoption with a wonderful couple, who can give this new life all the things my daughter cannot due to her age and circumstances. Anticipation of the heartache to come for my daughter worries me greatly.

The U.S. economic problems continue to rush the country toward the so-called fiscal cliff, while members of Congress and the president have headed to their respective homes for the holidays, leaving the nation's problems unresolved. Apparently going on vacation is more important to our elected 'leaders' than doing the critical work they are paid to do. Why do they care if Social Security or pension checks are late? Middle- and lower-income people obviously don't matter to them. Only the multi-millionaire leaders of industry are important.

The nation remains under a deep pall resulting from the murder of 20 first-grade students and six teachers at a school in Newtown, CT. The last funeral for the tiny victims was held yesterday, so this is hardly a time for joy and good cheer. And rather than addressing the critical need to prevent future tragedies such as the one in Newtown, politicians point fingers and wring their hands, while the National Rifle Association's solution is to put armed guards in each of the nearly 100,000 public schools in the United States. School districts that don't have money to hire more teachers or provide school supplies are now supposed to fund armed guards in every school?

More people are seeking assistance to feed themselves and their families, while the prospect of $7/gallon milk looms ever closer due to the failure of the inept Congress to act on an agriculture subsidy bill. The small food pantry where I volunteer served 960 meals this Thanksgiving, compared with 520 meals just a year ago.

Our people are hurting. They are hungry, they are unemployed or underemployed, they are frustrated. We are facing big tax increases in 2013, while our Congress goes on vacation and while our country continues to give billions of dollars to foreign countries whose people hate us for being Americans. And why in the world is the U.S. buying bullets and weapons for Israel to replace those used to kill Palestinians? Let the Israelis buy their own weapons! Rather than spending billions of dollars to set up a postal service in Iraq, why not use some of that money to shore up our own, struggling postal service?

We need to start taking care of our own people. Make sure that Americans have food, shelter and medical care. Non-profit organizations and individuals cannot solve the problems of homelessness and hunger. We cannot provide the mental health care needed by many people, nor can we as individuals and non-profits provide the range of health care needed by the uninsured.

The world economy is on the verge of collapse. The war on wolves is growing, with more states allowing hunting and trapping of wolves this year, and others rushing to join the slaughter. Animal abuse is rampant, and often, unpunished. The world seems overtaken by greed, selfishness and evil.

So no, there is little Christmas spirit in my heart and home this year. I put up the tree and decorated it. I have made fudge and baked dozens of cookies, and I have listened to all of my Christmas music CDs (probably close to 50 of them). The Christmas cards have been mailed. But the holiday spirit remains elusive. I pray that 2013 will bring a new spirit of love, compassion and sharing to our once-great nation and its citizens.