This Is What I Want For Christmas

Every year, advertisers bombard us with ads for things they think we should want. How about a fancy new car? Maybe a big diamond? 

When my daughter asked me this year what she could get me for Christmas, I told her 'nothing.' There is nothing I need or want. I have all I need. In fact, I am trying to get rid of things. She told me she would like a slow cooker or a set of good knives. So I ordered those things, one each for her December birthday and for Christmas> These things aren't exciting or glamorous, but they are things she needs and wants. So I believe each of these kitchen items is, in fact, 'the perfect gift.'

I have everything I want and everything I need. So here is my new, grown up Christmas wish list. 

l want people who are sick with horrible illnesses to be cured. 

I want children with no families to be adopted. 

I want people to never have to worry about food and shelter and heat. 

I want people in nursing homes to feel wanted and loved. 

I want an end to war and to discrimination and to murder. I want people to live in peace. Sadly, the world remains at war, in Ukraine, in Gaza, and most probably, in Venezuela..

I want people to wake up and realize that planet Earth is our only home, and we need to start taking care of it. 

I want an end to child abuse, to domestic violence, to animal abuse and to elder abuse. 

I want the homeless to have a safe place to live. 

I want all the homeless and unwanted animals to become part of families that will cherish, love and care for them.

 I want a government that actually works for the benefit of the people it is supposed to serve, rather than serving billionaires. 

I want a return to civility and concern for others regardless of their race, ethnicity or religion. 

I want people to care.

This, friends, is my grown-up Christmas wish.

And So This Is Christmas

 And so this is Christmas.

Apologies to John Lennon for borrowing this line. The inspiration for this post came to me early one cold and dark morning recently as I was dropping some recyclables into the outdoor bin.

We've all heard the refrain about how Christmas is the season of love and goodwill toward others. Well, it seems the spirit of the season is sorely lacking in much of the world.

At home, a woman pregnant with a non-viable fetus was forced to flee her home state of Texas to obtain an abortion after the state supreme court forbid her from getting an abortion. Her need for an abortion was just that -- a medical need to abort a fetus that will not survive after birth and that threatens her ability to have a child in the future. I guess women aren't worthy of making their own medical decisions in the eyes of the far right wing republicans. Merry Christmas, women of America!

On the other side of the planet, Israel and Hamas are going after each other, with innocent civilians on both side paying the greatest price. Neither Jews nor Muslims celebrate Christmas, but the spirit of the season is sorely lacking in that part of the world, regardless of one's religious affiliation.

All of the traditional Christmas activities in Bethlehem have been canceled by Christian leaders in solidarity with the people of Gaza. I have visited Bethlehem. Unlike the village of some 2,000 people at the time of Christ, it is now a city with more than 28,000 residents. It is filled with shops that cater to the tourists that visit the city's Church of the Nativity. The photo shows a metal star placed above the traditional birthplace of Jesus.

In New Mexico, two teenage boys were playing with guns one night at the high school they both attended. One boy was shot and killed; his friend has been charged with manslaughter. Why teenagers were out of the house, and more importantly, why they had guns, has not yet been explained. But two families will remember this Christmas, and not in a good way, for the remainder of their lives.

The people of Ukraine continue their fight for freedom as they battle the invading forces of Russia and face the real possibility of running out of ammunition because the republicans in Congress refuse to authorize the expenditure of more funds.

In Africa, where hunger is a persistent problem, years of climate change- related drought have left tens of millions facing starvation. I witnessed the drought in February during a trip to Tanzania. Fields that should have been filled with crops were nothing but blowing dust.

I know there are good people and organizations doing good things to help, but this year, perhaps more than others, I have no Christmas spirit. My Christmas CDs remain tucked away. Christmas decorations and lights remain stored in the garage. There is no holiday baking to fill the house with wonderful smells. 

I will do nothing except make donations to 10 or so of my favorite charities and hope that things will get better. Doing something for others reminds me of the good being done to bring a bit of hope to this sad, war-torn world.

What Happened to Christmas?

What did happen to Christmas?

Christmas used to be a religious holiday. It was simple. It was about spending time with family. It didn't start in August. There was no 'black Friday' with its throngs of people pushing and shoving, or in some cases, shooting, each other. Families didn't go into serious debt buying 'the perfect gift' for everyone. Commercials didn't encourage people to buy a $70,000 car for that special someone. Many families, including mine, attended church on Christmas Eve.

People made homemade gifts for others, perhaps a jar of homemade jam or a dozen cookies baked at home. Kids' wish lists weren't pages long. We had a couple of items on our list, and that was it. One year I got a small record player that played 45 rpm records, along with my favorite record at the time. Another year it was a metal fort with horses and soldiers; I think I shared that with my brother. I got a doll one year, which didn't thrill me, as I always preferred stuffed animals to dolls. My brother got a Lionel electric train set one year. These were gifts that encouraged us to use our imaginations, rather than sitting in front of a computer or television.

What about the Christmas tree, once the centerpiece of the holiday celebration? Gone are the days of heading off to chop down a pine tree (or buying one from a Christmas tree lot), hauling it home atop the family car, cutting a slice off the bottom so the tree could drink water, setting it up inside the home, and then decorating it. Ornaments were often handmade, and strings of popcorn added another festive touch. My family had some bubble lights that I really liked -- when they were working. Today, somebody drags the plastic tree out of the garage or attic. Most ornaments are made in China. Some trees come predecorated with lights. Where's the fun in that? 

When my daughter was younger, we decorated the tree together. I have a lot of ornaments with sentimental value, and several that I bought during trips to Russia, Poland and Kenya. Some are typical of the area in which I live. Many of my ornaments reflect my love of animals. Each of my dogs through the years had his or her own ornament.

My mother made cookies, a tradition I carried on for many years. Once I retired and no longer had people at work with whom to share the cookies and fudge, I cut down on my holiday baking. After I stopped running, and controlling my weight became an issue, baking became even less of an event. My mother also made fudge and a confection known as 'divinity.' Later, she and my father made popcorn balls and peanut brittle every holiday season. 

This year's holiday will be a total non-event. I stopped sending Christmas cards a few years ago. Last year I didn't bother setting up a tree, although I did decorate the house with the various Grandfather Frost wooden sculptures I bought during my time in Russia. I also have some things to hang on the wall, as well as a wreath of chile lights, reflective of the state where I now live. This year I'm not decorating at all. My only nod to the holiday is listening to each of the 40 to 50 Christmas CDs in my collection. I have everything from opera to classical to Mannheim Steamroller, the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, Spanish guitar, Celine Dion and Kenny G. 

I still do the bulk of my charitable giving during December, so that hasn't changed. Today I made some almond shortbread, rather than buying some as I used to do. I might make a batch of peanut butter cup cookies at some point. But I don't need either the sugar or the calories.

What happened to Christmas for me? I got old, my daughter moved away, and the commercial nature of the season has made it decidedly less appealing. I was in Costa Rica just before Christmas a few years ago, and I was amazed by how low key it all was. The mall had a couple of displays reflective of the season, but that was all. The hotel where I stayed in San Jose had some decorated trees. A private home where we had dinner had a tree and a Nativity scene. It was a nice change from the pressure and stress of Christmas in 21st century America.

I know we will never return to the days of my youth. Expectations for Christmas are high. Kids would be bored with the things that brought us joy. They can't compete with the latest Apple watch or video game. Such a pity. We loved playing with our toys, and engaging our imaginations. I liked surprising my daughter at Christmas, although I had to hide her gifts at work, so thorough was she in searching the house. Two years ago all she wanted for Christmas was money or gift cards. That's practical, I guess, but not a lot of fun to give.

Times changes, but progress isn't always better.

My Grown-Up Wish

This is my grown-up Christmas wish list. I wish that

• people don't hate each other because of their religion, the color of their skin, where they were born or whom they love 
• everyone who wants a safe place to live has one
• people no longer need to flee their country to feel safe
• the environment is safe from pollution and harmful exploitation
• wild animals are no longer hunted as trophies or for 'fun'
• Congress finds the courage to address the growing gun violence in America
• school children no longer fear being shot while getting an education 
• chronic hunger is a thing of the past 
• our elected officials finally put the best interests of the country and its people above the wants of the party
• violence against others, both human and non-human, is relegated to the dust bin of history

There is nothing I want or need for myself. I have spent this year getting rid of stuff (books, CDs, clothing and furniture) I no longer want, need or enjoy. This process of purging things from my life will continue in 2018. My focus now is on doing good where I can, and on having memorable experiences.

Whatever is on your Christmas wish list, I hope your holiday is filled with good times, good friends and good memories.

Christmas Present

I don't like the modern version of Christmas.

It sounds good, doesn't it? A season of joy, goodwill, family and giving to the less fortunate among us. But the reality of Christmas these day is far, far different.

The non-profits use this season as a reason to ramp up appeals for money, sending out endless piles of sorrow-filled letters, complete with a convenient form and unstamped return envelope, so we can mail in our donations. But that's just the beginning: Once we send money, we are immediately added to a list to be hit up for more and more money via mail and e-mail. I am still getting appeals for funds from a group I donated to ONCE more than 20 years ago! I got something in the mail recently with the always-present form on which to check the amount I wanted to give, starting with $500 and decreasing to $100.

The Christmas shopping season, which previously began the day after Thanksgiving, now starts in August, when the first decorated trees begin to appear in stores.Television commercials breathlessly scream about the "lowest prices of the season," "doorbusters" and cars for lease for "only $699/month." And don't forget the search for "the perfect gift." Black Friday has now become Gray Thursday or even Gray November as the push to buy, buy, buy begins ever earlier each year.

Malls are insanely overcrowded as people push, shove and fight to get the hottest 'must have' toy or electronic gadget. People rush around mindlessly as they spend money they don't have on things others don't want or need, all in the name of Christmas. Recent videos showed throngs of crazed shoppers pushing, shoving and tripping others, with some people literally being knocked down and at risk of being trampled.

STOP the madness for a minute and think about this season. It isn't about finding "the perfect gift" or putting oneself into debt that will take months to pay off. It isn't about stressing our minds and bodies as we strive to host the perfect family gathering or prepare an unforgettable meal. Forget those happy family gatherings where everybody smiles and has a good time. Do you know families like that? I don't! Think about the real meaning behind Christmas. 

Besides, it's hard to get into a celebratory mood when this year has brought still more mass murder by gun-toting men, when the Congress remains firmly in the grip of the NRA and therefore refuses to do anything about the increasing gun violence in our country, and when the country itself is ruled by a mentally ill man-child more interested in his golf game than in addressing the problems facing America. Let's not forget the Republican-led attacks on our wildlife and wild places, all in the name of greed. There is absolutely nothing to celebrate.

Once upon a time, when I was a child, Christmas was about spending time with the family. It was about watching the kids' faces light up on Christmas morning. It was about going to church as a family. It was about surprising family members with something they'd been wanting, and not going into debt to do so. It was about sharing with those less fortunate. My family, in addition to donating to church, also always sent a check to the children's shoe fund sponsored by the local newspaper.

Black Friday shoppers have less control than this herd of stampeding wildebeest..

One doesn't have to be religious or Christian to celebrate the meaning of this season. But somehow I think pushing, shoving, shooting someone and going into debt as we search for "the perfect gift" or the "must-have' item is not what this season should be about.

 
My Christmas celebration gets smaller each year. I have given my artificial tree to my daughter and son-in-law, along with nearly all the lights and many decorations and other holiday items. I will donate to my favorite charities, as I do every year, but not to those that bombard me with incessant demands for money. I will do a small amount of holiday baking, and if the opportunity presents itself, pay for groceries for someone in line at the store. 

Don't be one of the herd this holiday season. Slow down. Be kind. Be patient. Be generous with your time and your resources, no matter how limited. Volunteer your time. Spend time and spend holiday spirit rather than spending so much money. 

Go see the neighborhood Christmas lights. In Albuquerque, you can visit the River of Lights at the zoo and be awed by the magical creatures and plants created of colorful lights. Don't be another member of the herd rushing around mindlessly.

Christmas Nostalgia

It's Christmas Eve 2016. I'm listening to one of my favorite Christmas CDs, by Mannheim Steamroller. And I feel nostalgic.

Christmas isn't a big thing for me. For the past three years, I have neither sent out holiday cards nor set up a tree. This year I didn't even set out my many Christmas decorations, including my small collection of hand-carved, wooden Grandfather Frost statues from Russia. And I have really cut back on my holiday baking. Gone are the days when I would make three or four kinds of cookies and a 3-pound pan of fudge. As a retiree, I no longer have the option of taking my sweet treats to work to share with coworkers. And I certainly don't need to eat all those calories by myself. I did make some peanut butter cup cookies to share with my daughter and son-in-law, and some shortbread for me. But that's it.

I am nostalgic because I'm thinking back to just a few years ago when my daughter (adopted at age 11 from an orphanage in Siberia) would get so excited about Christmas. I loved to shop for her and watch her face light up in delight on Christmas morning. She, of course, always had a list of things she wanted, and I was always able to come up with a few surprises as well.

She was so good at finding her presents, no matter where I hid them, that I finally resorted to hiding them in my office at work. But even that didn't keep them safe. So a co-worker suggested I hide them in her office when my daughter came to work to see me. So that's what I did. 
 
Now, my daughter is 23, newly married and living a 45-minute drive from me. She and her husband will join me for Christmas dinner, but the joy of watching her open gifts is long gone. This year, as for the past few, I gave her money and gift cards. They recently moved into a rental townhouse and requested money to help pay for things for their new place. I also bought her a good set of kitchen knives and a toaster oven, two things she needed. 

I know she has bought a couple of small items for me. There isn't much I need these days, but she did buy me a turquoise wallet to replace the one that wore out, as well as a couple of things for my house. So there is no surprise there. But that's OK. I don't need anything, and money is tight for her.

So even though the days of watching her face light up on Christmas morning are in the past, I still get to spend some time with her and my son-in-law on Christmas day. And that's a pretty special thing.

 

Simple Pleasures

Today is Christmas Eve, but I can't tell by looking at my house.

The only decorating I did this year was to hang a fresh pine wreath on the front door. And I bought that only to help out a local animal rescue that was selling them. There is no Christmas tree, no ornaments or lights, no Christmas-themed things hanging on the walls or sitting out. I just don't have the spirit to decorate this year. And for the second year in a row, I didn't send Christmas cards, and my holiday baking hasn't happened yet.

But I am content. As I sit in my office reading a book, my three dogs are sleeping contentedly on the floor nearby. My third dog, Benny, isn't officially mine yet, as the paperwork making his adopting final hasn't been mailed to me. But he is mine nonetheless.

Outside, the day is grey, with threats of rain or snow. But I was able to walk the dogs and finish my exercise. I have listened to most of my 40-50 Christmas CDs. I got to spend time with my daughter at the beautiful River of Lights at the Albuquerque botanical gardens. Each year, the gardens are transformed into a wonderland filled with wire sculptures covered with some 2 millions lights. 

My house is warm and secure. I have donated money to some of my favorite charities, and several bags of food to the big food bank. My daughter is happy in her new career and engaged to a great guy. I have lots of food in the pantry and freezer. I got to travel to many amazing places this year, and my travel schedule for 2016 is already filled with adventures to foreign lands. My life is good.

It is these simple pleasures that have become most important, not the endless search for 'the perfect gift' or fighting the hordes at the mall to buy things for people who need nothing and whom I seldom see. Nothing brings me more pleasure than traveling someplace I have never visited, or visiting Yellowstone National Park to watch wolves and bison. My favorite place to be is in nature, hiking, taking photographs or just observing. Fighting hordes of people in a mall isn't something I am willing to do. A walk along the river, a hike in a beautiful national park or getting up early to photograph an amazing sunrise -- these are the things that fill my heart with joy.

So on this Christmas Eve 2015, I wish you tidings of joy, peace, contentment and pleasure in the simple things.

A Stress-Free Christmas

It's less than two weeks before Christmas, and I am feeling no stress.

Why? I'm sending no Christmas cards. I have done no decorating aside from hanging a fresh pine wreath on the front door (I bought it as part of a fundraiser for a local animal rescue group). I am not putting up a Christmas tree despite having some lovely ornaments collected over the years. I have done almost no shopping (I made a quick trip to one store and got a couple of things for my daughter), and I plan to do a bare minimum of baking, and only because I really like the cookies and this is the only time of year I make them.

I have started to work my way through my collection of 40 to 50 CDs of Christmas music, but that's it as far as 'celebrating' the holiday goes.

It's actually very liberating not to be caught up in the traditional holiday madness. I'm not wracking my brain trying to think of something to mail to relatives I seldom see and who don't really need anything. I haven't sent cards since 2013, and I haven't heard that anybody missed receiving a card from me. Since I am retired, I have nowhere to take extra fudge (my recipe makes 3 pounds) and cookies, and I'm not supposed to eat a lot of sweets. I don't enjoy going to the mall any time of year, and I particularly avoid it during the holiday madness.

Sure, I still wish people a Merry Christmas, and I enjoy listening to my CDs. But I much prefer avoiding the pushing crowds, the long lines at the post office and the stress of trying to figure out what to mail to people I seldom see. I do enjoy buying things for people when I have an inspired idea or see something I think they would like. But I hate feeling obligated to buy something for somebody just because they bought something for me or because we 'always' send things to each other.

I have donated several bags of food to the local food bank, I volunteered my photography skills to a local animal rescue group, and my daughter is coming over this week to make cookies for her salon's cookie exchange. We plan to go to Santa Fe together and next week, we plan to go together to the annual Festival of Lights. I am looking at the snow-dusted mountains from my window. And I am in the process of adopting a new dog who needs love and stability in his life.

That is how I am celebrating Christmas this year. 

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! 

The Perfect Gift

Want to find 'the perfect gift'?

It's easy. It doesn't come in a box. You don't have to shop for it or order it or drive all over town trying to find it. It always fits and it never goes out of style. There are no screaming commercials involved. Best of all, there is no financial cost.

What is this 'perfect gift,' you ask? It isn't a fancy car or expensive jewelry or clothes that the recipient doesn't want or like. For me, it is spending time with my daughter, baking cookies or preparing Thanksgiving dinner together. After years of a somewhat contentious relationship as she worked through the demons of her horrible childhood in Russia, we now have a great relationship. She is now a mature, considerate young woman of 22. We are mother and daughter, but we are also close friends. She knows she can come to me with any concerns or problems, and I do my best not to judge or try to solve the issue for her, but to offer suggestions and advice. 

Her salon is having a cookie exchange next month, and she is planning to bake cookies at my house, with its larger kitchen, lots of cookbooks and Mom's advice and ingredients. Spending time with her, making memories and traditions that she can share with her children in the future, is what I like about the Christmas season. I have always done a lot of holiday baking, including my world-famous fudge, but as I got older I scaled back on the cookie making. Now I can continue to bake and share my knowledge with her.

I don't know how many more opportunities there will be to share these special times. I keep thinking about moving to a more progressive, less dangerous state, and one with a warmer winter climate. She doesn't want to stay in Albuquerque forever. Her boyfriend in in the military, so he can be deployed at any time. So as the old Latin saying goes, 'Carpe diem' or 'Seize the day.'

Another 'perfect gift' for me is being able to make a large donation to my favorite charities, including the hospice that cared for my dad at the end of his life, as well as ]golden retriever rescue groups from which I adopted two of my dogs. Finally, I always buy food baskets to be distributed to needy members of the Navajo Nation in northern Arizona. Now those are 'perfect gifts.'

So there is no need to search high and low for 'the perfect gift.' The perfect gift is here, just waiting to be shared..  

Creating a New Version of Christmas

Last year, I turned against Christmas.

No, I'm not denying the real reason for Christmas, to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ (although some scholars believe the birth actually happened in April, not December). I am, however, fed up with the constant media hype about 'the perfect gift' and commercials depicting a loving man buying his beautiful family a $50,000 Lexus for Christmas. I am fed up with seeing Christmas decorations in some stores in August. I am fed up with being bombarded by demands for money from various non-profit organizations, some of which send me an appeal every week starting in July.

I understand that not everybody celebrates the religious aspects of Christmas, and I have no quarrel with that. I once had a Jewish colleague at work who celebrates Christmas in its non-religious aspects. But for many people, Christmas is nothing more than an adventure in shopping and spending. And apparently stores and online sellers would like to keep it that way. People get trampled or shot as they rush to get the latest must-have electronic gadget or toy on Black Friday (which now starts on Thanksgiving). Fist fights break out as people squabble over the last remaining item without which there just will be no Christmas. So this is the Christmas spirit?

My mailbox, my e-mail, and my Facebook feed are swamped with appeals for money. Yes, I know that times are tough and the need is great, but enough is enough! I cannot donate to every worthwhile charity; I cannot save every animal in need. I cannot help fund research into every worthwhile medical issue or help feed every hungry person. I do what I can, but it seems that never is enough. The more I donate, the more frequent the appeals for still more money.

I don't want to hear radio stations playing nothing but Christmas music on November 1. I want to be able to enjoy Thanksgiving without it being just a bump in the road on the way to the over-hyped Christmas season.

I am disgusted by the whole business. This year, I will not mail Christmas cards to anybody. My shopping, which is very limited already, will be done online with organizations that use the proceeds to do good. So far I have ordered salsas and preserves from Shane's War, to benefit an organization that works to improve the lives of animals in underfunded animal shelters. I also will shop at the Southwest Indian Foundation, which works throughout the year to provide food, shelter and heat to impoverished residents of the Navajo Nation. I will make fudge and a variety of cookies to send to some out-of-town friends.

I plan to spend the week before Christmas in a place where commercialism and greed haven't yet overtaken the true meaning of this day. Then I want to enjoy a day with my daughter and my dogs, although her Scrooge boss expects her to work both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.

 I love Christmas music, and I have more than 40 CDs of Christmas tunes by a wide variety of artists. I have a collection of ornaments from around the world -- Russia, Poland, Kenya among other places. I like to decorate the house, although putting up a tree is a chore. I want to find ways to celebrate the true meaning of this special holiday, and that does not include fighting throngs of shoppers at the mall and driving myself into a frenzy in an ill-fated attempt to find 'the perfect gift.' I will not run up massive debt buying things for people who don't need or want anything. Instead, I will make my shopping count by buying from organizations that put the money I spend to good use helping others.

This season really is about giving back to our communities, helping those not as fortunate as we are, fighting for what we are most passionate about (whether that is an endangered animal species, preservation of wilderness, fighting an injustice or feeding the hungry), and—as old-fashioned as it might appear—doing what is right. Please join me in creating a new, less stressful, kinder and more meaningful version of the Christmas holiday.

My Grown-Up Christmas List

With thanks to the creator/s of the song "My Grown-Up Christmas List" for the inspiration, my Christmas wish is the same as it always is. And sadly, my dreams seem as unlikely to come true as ever. I don't wish for massive amounts of money or a new car or a bigger house. My wishes aren't even for myself. I have everything I need to live a comfortable life.

No, the things for which I wish are things over which I have no control, and which, sadly, seem to be moving further and further from ever becoming reality. So here are my Christmas wishes:

I wish for an end to the slaughter of wolves. I wish for rescue for all animals suffering in any way, physical or emotional. I wish comfort and love for them, for loving homes, food for their bellies and an end to their pain. I wish for an end to forcing dogs to live their lives on chains, for an end to dog-fighting and puppy mills and pet shops that exploit these animals. I wish for strict penalties for those who abuse non-human animals, children and the elderly, not community service or probation.

I wish for a warm bed and hot food for the homeless people of our country. I wish for jobs for the unemployed, for the safe return of our military forces serving in the world's most dangerous places, and for an end to abuse of children, the elderly and the animals. I wish for a world that respects and cherishes the planet on which we live, and all those who dwell here.

I wish for a kinder, more generous America, one that no longer turns its collective back on the most vulnerable among us. There is no reason why, in the wealthiest country on Earth, people go hungry because they cannot afford food for themselves or their children.

I wish for people to get involved in their favorite cause, whatever it may be. Don't have money to donate? Give your time and talent instead. Write a letter, join a protest or boycott, hold a bake sale or garage sale to raise funds for your favorite group.

I wish that people would open their hearts throughout the year, not just at Christmas. I wish that people would respond to the unsung heroes among us, as they did to a recent NBC News story about a woman in Arkansas who spent her entire life savings to provide tutoring, meals, toys and love to poor children. Viewers in less than a week donated more than $200,000 to this one effort to help the neediest. We need that kind of outpouring of support throughout the year. I wish that more people would find the unsung heroes in their own communities and see how they can help. Find the small groups of people struggling to make a difference locally.

I wish that more people would share the gift of life by donating blood and by signing up to be organ donors upon their death. I wish that people would reach out to those in need by visiting a lonely senior in a nursing home or hospital. Take a meal to a neighbor in need, or rake the leaves or shovel the driveway for someone, just because.

It doesn't matter whether you are Christian or Jewish, Buddhist or Muslim. Keep the spirit of Christmas alive in your heart throughout the year. Keep the spirit of love and compassion alive, keep the light of hope burning.

Merry Christmas, everyone.

The Best Christmas Ever

Christmas is still a week away, there is no large Christmas tree in our house (just a couple of table-top fiber optic trees), but this already is the best Christmas I can remember. I have but a single gift for my daughter; she is struggling to find something I want or need for Christmas. And so am I. There is nothing of a material nature I want or need. There is simply nothing to be purchased that is on my 'have-to-have' or even my 'would-be-nice-to-have' list.

I am blessed with savings and a government pension to support me through my old age. My health, save the bursitis and arthritis, is very good. I have a wonderful daughter who has overcome more trauma in her almost 18 years than most people will face in a lifetime. I live in a beautiful state with wonderful outdoor opportunities. I volunteer with two non-profits whose causes I hold dear: feeding the hungry, and educating people about wolves. I enjoy many opportunities to photograph nature's beauty, and I have time to continue working on the book I am writing. I can look out my living, dining or bedroom windows and gaze on the massive Sandia Mountains nearby. Through my volunteer and leisure activities, I have made some good friends.

My daughter disliked the large public high school she attended and was struggling with several of her classes, so she will finish her senior year via correspondence school, which will result in her obtaining a diploma from a boarding school in Utah while living at home. She has but four courses remaining. So she is closing in on an important milestone in her life -- getting a high school diploma. For one so young, she has a remarkable insight into herself, her learning style and her way of dealing with things.

She should find out on her birthday whether she will get a part-time job at a local Wendy's restaurant, something she has wished for for a long time. An incident earlier this year caused both of us considerable stress and anxiety, but it now appears that we soon will be able to put that behind us and look forward to a happier year in 2012.

This year I am even more aware that Christmas isn't about decorated trees or holiday parties or spending huge amounts of money on "the perfect gift" as the never-ending television commercials scream. It is about being grateful for the blessings in our lives, it is about appreciating all that we have that so many others do not (whether it be a place to live, a job, food on the table or good health). It is about doing things for others, not from a sense of obligation, but because we can and because it is the right thing to do. It's about being grateful for the little things -- blessings all -- that make our lives so special. And it is about remembering the reason for the season.

Looking Back, Looking Forward

This has been a challenging, to say the least, yet rewarding year. My daughter has been through some extremely difficult times, which in turn wreaked havoc on me both physically and emotionally. That's the bad.

Now the good: This also has been a year of change and growth for both of us. We are gradually rebuilding our relationship, although much work remains to be done. I have seen many positive changes in my daughter, in her attitude, in her self-confidence, in her interest in arts and crafts, photography and reading, in her realization that taking care of her body with proper food and hydration makes her feel good. She is much more caring toward others, and able to better communicate and acknowledge her feelings and emotions in an open, positive way. She enjoys going to visit 'her' lady in a local nursing home, something she does regularly. She is learning how to give and to accept love.

I, too, have experienced growth and positive change this year. I have learned to take better care of myself. I have lost 8-10 pounds simply by reducing the amount of sugar and carbohydrates in my diet. I have rediscovered my love of writing and photography, talents that never went away but were ignored for too long. I realized how very much I enjoy words -- manipulating them to get just the right sense in a sentence, trying to find a better way of saying something to convey the right meaning and connotation, reading and savoring a particularly well-written sentence or paragraph. I now fully realize the pleasure I get from writing, especially while working on a book about my experiences as the mother of an adopted daughter. This has been an empowering and therapeutic experience. I also have learned to be a better mother to my daughter, who will turn 16 in a few days. Finally, after all the drama and trauma of this year, I am emerging a person with a greater sense of calm, a better sense of self, and a sense of where my life is headed.

We will visit our new house in New Mexico together (the first time my daughter will see it) over the Christmas holiday. We're going to paint her bedroom (her current thinking is that she wants to just 'splash' some contrasting paint onto the walls but leave them their current color) and paint the Pepto-Bismol pink guest room as well. More important than the work to be done, however, is the opportunity to spend time together. She mentioned once that working together to paint the room/s would be a good chance for us to bond.

From there, we will drive to Santa Fe, an amazing city any time of year, but it's supposed to be magical during Christmas. The lights, the farolitos (brown paper bags with sand in the bottom into which a lighted candle is set) and maybe a dusting of snow, should provide a beautiful setting for Christmas. We will walk Canyon Road on Christmas Eve, enjoying the farolitos displayed in rows along walkways and on top of adobe houses.

When my daughter asked recently what I want for Christmas, I could think of nothing material. I told her that I have all I want or need: her, our dogs, a secure job, my health, a new home in New Mexico, and the promise of a new life in the coming year. Work will continue on the book, I am exploring some new volunteer opportunities, and I have taken up 'active wishing' for some things that are on my private 'wish list.'

After a turbulent year, it seems that we are starting to enter calmer waters. The days and months ahead are full of promise. We both have learned valuable lessons and gained important insights into ourselves and each other. 2010 won't be perfect; no year ever is. But we can look forward to a year of continued growth and change, a deeper bond between us, new skills to deal with life's challenges, and a new life in a state with the most beautiful skies I have ever seen.

We wish you all a wonderful Christmas season, happy holidays, and a bright, fulfilling New Year full of love and dreams fulfilled.