I Feel Sick

I admit it. I am scared. I am scared about what will happen next now that Russia has invaded Ukraine. And I am nauseous.

I follow current events, especially when they involve countries I have visited several times. I have not been to Ukraine, but I have always had a special interest in the Slavic world.

Ukraine is an independent, democratic, sovereign nation that has been  invaded by a thug and former KGB officer. Ukraine is about the size of the state of Texas. What threat can Ukraine possibly be to the world's biggest country, one that occupies 1/8 of the planet's habitable area and that encompasses 11 time zones? And Ukraine, unlike Russia, has no nuclear arsenal.

Despite Putin‘s repeated claims that he was not going to invade Ukraine, that is exactly what he did. We knew what he was planning despite his denials. Why else did he mass more than 150,000 troops, plus tanks, artillery, ships and field hospitals along Ukraine's northern and eastern borders?

Putin didn’t stop with seizing the two predominantly Russian-speaking areas of eastern Ukraine. No, he has invaded from the north, the south and the east. And make no mistake. Ukraine is not Russia, despite Russian claims to the contrary. Ukrainian is a Slavic language with some similarities to Russian, yet it is a distinct language. As someone with an undergraduate degree in Russian language, I can generally get the gist of a sentence in Ukrainian. But the languages are very different. 

Ukraine has its own culture. It has its own religion. It has its own history. Is Putin really worried about a threat from a much smaller nation such as Ukraine? Does he really care about the Russian-speaking population of two regions in easter Ukraine? From what I have heard, Russia already controlled those areas despite their being part of Ukraine. Like Hitler before him, invading another country while pretending to want to 'protect' a population that speaks a different language is nothing more than a pretext Putin dreamed up. In Hitler's case, he invaded Czechoslovakia ostensibly to protect the Sudetenland's German-speaking residents.

Of course, with a megalomaniac dictator like Putin, no one knows if he will stop after he conquers Ukraine. Will he set his sights on Poland? On the Czech Republic? On Lithuania? If, as some have speculated, he is trying to reconstruct the former Soviet Union, who knows where his power grab will take him? And how many soldiers and innocent civilians will perish because of his blind ambition and megalomania? Both countries will suffer heart-breaking loss of life.

I have a special interest in Russia that goes back to my first Russian language class in high school in the 1960s. My undergraduate degree is in Russian language. My minor included courses in Russian history, politics and geography. I worked as a linguist for the federal government for 3 years. I lived in Moscow for 3-1/2 months. I adopted my daughter from a Russian orphanage. I have visited Russia half a dozen times. I have read numerous books about Russia, from its founding through the Russian revolution of 1917. I was there most recently in 2012, when I took my daughter to visit her homeland when she graduated from high school. I am still in touch with two of the interpreters with whom I worked in Moscow. I also exchange the occasional e-mail with the former director of the Siberian orphanage where my daughter lived.

I also have a Ukrainian Facebook friend. She is a young physician. So I know people on both sides of this situation. I know these people do not want war, and I hold none of them responsible for the actions of their governments. News reports are showing that thousands of Russians have protested against Putin's attack on Ukraine, and thousands have been arrested for their bravery.

I am frightened. What if the war expands to other countries? If Putin attacks a NATO member, the entire alliance will defend the member states. The US is a member of NATO, so we will be embroiled in another was. No one except Russia  has the appetite for war. 

So let us hope that Putin either comes to his senses (not likely) or decides that the cost of his aggression is too high. Until something changes, I will continue to be frightened, both for Ukraine and for innocent Russians.