In Search of Christmas

 I have tried.

I have tried to get somewhat in the Christmas spirit this year. But it isn't going to happen. I am currently listening to Christmas music sung by the angelic voice of Irish singer Enya. I listen to Christmas music in my bedroom and in my office. Nothing. There is no holiday spirit this year. No baking. No buying gifts for others. No cards. Nothing. 

Truth be told, I haven't done much for Christmas for several years, since my daughter started living on her own. In years past, even when living alone, I would put up a tree, put a wreath on the front door, set out Christmas decorations, and bake a variety of cookies. Now none of that seems worth the effort. I am trying to loose weight, so making cookies or fudge doesn't make sense. I am continuing to donate to several of my favorite charities, especially those that provide food to those in need. But that is something I do throughout the year.

This has been a tough year. I know half a dozen people, four of them my relatives, who have had Covid-19, and one of them lost both parents to the disease. All others have survived, fortunately, but the long-term effects remain to be seen. My dog died this month of cancer, suddenly and unexpectedly. Her sister died 15 months previously, suddenly and unexpectedly. I have been unable to travel, something I typically do several times every year. And I now am dealing with more kidney stones, despite having three laser treatments that supposedly got rid of them a couple of months ago. Chronic discomfort (it could be so much worse) doesn't put me in a holiday mood.

I am watching the current administration continue to bungle management of the pandemic, this time delaying the shipments of critical doses of the vaccine that offers hope to bringing this pandemic to an end. Meanwhile, a couple thousand people die of the virus each die, hospitals and healthcare workers are on the verge of collapse, and rich people such as Rupert Murdoch get the vaccine while frontline workers can't.

So it has not been a good year. I am cognizant of the fact that I am very fortunate in many ways. I am retired, so there is no job to lose. My house and car are paid for, so there is no concern about losing either of those things. I have plenty of food available. I have health insurance and I am in pretty good health overall. Things could be so much worse.

Let us hope that 2021 will bring us some relief from the virus, from the hatred and division that so plague our country, and that the Christmas spirit will again find its way into my heart and home.