Reminders

When we lose someone, whether a friend or a family member, we find reminders of that person everywhere.

My mother collected brightly painted ceramic roosters. After her death, it seemed that everywhere I went, I would see ceramic roosters. I even found some for sale during a visit to Turkey. At first, I wanted to buy a rooster for Mom. But gradually I realized that there was no need to buy a rooster for her. I simply smiled at the memory of her and her rooster collection.

Even now, whenever I use one of my mother's mismatched assortment of green mixing bowls, I think of her. I have a US Navy coffee cup that belonged to my dad. He served in the Navy during World War II.

A woman I know through Facebook posted something recently about the loss of our mutual friend. That made me realize just how many reminders of him I see every day.

Let me tell you about our friend Pete. I never met him. I never spoke to him on the phone. But he was still my friend. We shared a love of photography, animals, nature and the outdoors. He loved coffee, so when my travels took me to a country that produces coffee, I would pick up a bag of coffee beans for him. He enjoyed trying coffee from other countries. 

Pete would always donate to my online fundraisers to help African elephants. But he donated to other friends' fundraisers as well. Horses and cats were other animals Pete loved. Every year I make and sell photo wall calendars featuring photographs I have taken during my travels. Pete would always order six calendars and mail them to friends for Christmas. 

Pete has been gone nearly 3 months, but I see memories of him every day. He was usually the first to comment on or ask a question about the photos I posted. When I announced my calendar offering this autumn, I had to remind myself that Pete would no longer be ordering calendars. Another friend of Pete's stepped in and ordered six calendars as gifts. The reminder was there.

Pete was beloved by so many people, both his real-life friends and his online friends. He was upbeat, witty, kind and generous. So when we learned that he had taken his life, we were stunned and taken totally by surprise.

I miss Pete, but I am so fortunate to have known him for the brief few years we shared on this planet.  Not only do I have online reminders of my friend, but he also left much of his photography equipment to me. That really surprised me, but I am grateful and humbled that he trusted me with his lenses. A mutual friend was given his huge 150-600mm lens. 

These things -- a camera lens, a coffee cup, a ceramic rooster -- are gentle reminders of the people I have lost. While realizing that the former owners are no longer with me, I value these tangible remembrances of those whose presence I miss.