I Just Don't Care Any More

 It's getting harder and harder to care.

This never-ending pandemic has taken away the two things that keep me motivated and active: travel and photography. After nearly 9 months of sitting at home, with nothing but the weekly trip to the grocery store to look forward to, I have lost my motivation. I still manage to get out for a daily walk or two. I still walk my dogs every morning. But I could care less about keeping a dust-free house or wearing earrings or dressing in anything but jeans and a sweatshirt. Those things just don't matter. Today is just like yesterday is just like the day before that is just like the day before that.

I have done a good job of staying busy, with reading and with editing my digital photos. I have entered several photography contests. I am continuing, albeit slowly, to learn Lightroom. But my brain is gradually turning to mush. I am bored with endless reading. I need to stay engaged, to visit new places, to meet new people and to learn new things. That is now impossible, thanks to the millions of American idiots who refuse to social distance and to wear a mask. 

I realize that being asked to wear a mask and to stay away from bars and other crowded places is a real hardship. It's a terrible sacrifice people are being asked to make for the health of others. I mean, how can people be expected to stay away from parties and bars? That must be unconstitutional or something, right?

Nearly 250,000 Americans have lost their lives to Covid-19. Countless others will suffer long-term effects of the virus -- heart problems, breathing problems, mental impairment -- even if they are lucky enough to avoid death. Health care workers are at the breaking point. Hospitals have run out of beds. There are so many dead bodies in El Paso, Texas, that the city has brought in several refrigerated trucks to hold the bodies. Restaurants and other non-essential businesses are struggling to stay afloat. Some 100,000 businesses have so far failed due to the pandemic. Millions have lost their jobs. Congress repeatedly has failed to come up with a second relief package for struggling Americans and small businesses. Why? Because partisan politics is so much more important than helping Americans.

If I seem angry, it's because I am. I am furious. I'm angry with the members of both parties for their refusal to do anything to help. I am furious with the so-called president who is angry and depressed that he lost his bid for reelection, and who now is having a temper tantrum, doing nothing but holding super-spreader rallies, tweeting endless nonsense and playing  golf. But most of all, I am angry and disgusted by everyone who refuses to do the small things that could help this country get control of this pandemic.

I never knew that Americans are either a) incredibly stupid or b) incredibly selfish. While many of us do the right thing -- stay home, socially isolate, wear a face mask -- nothing is going to change until everybody does the right thing. 

I will continue to do the right thing because I am part of society and I don't want to unknowingly spread the virus. And I don't want to get sick with the virus, either.

But  as this pandemic drags on, it gets harder and harder to care ... about anything. In particular, I don't care whether those who ignore public health orders get sick with Covid-19. I do care that their carelessness puts healthcare workers and innocent people at risk. But if the cult followers get sick, oh well.

Finding Gratitude During A Pandemic

Thanksgiving is just two weeks away.

So it's time to start thinking about things for which we are grateful. My first thought was, "This will be a really short list this year." The past 10 months have been awful for nearly everyone around the world. 

Kids can't safely attend school. People have lost their jobs. Small businesses (and some big ones) are out of business. Medical staff in hospitals are overwhelmed and burned out from caring for the endless stream of Covid patients. They are tired of watching their patients die. Even people who survive this terrible virus are often left with debilitating physical ailments, including mental impairment and cardiac issues. So far -- and things are likely going to get a lot worse before they get better -- more than 240,000 Americans have died of Covid-19. States set new records for Covid infections day after day. Hospitals have run out of beds. Social isolation and canceled vacation plans are taking a real toll on the nation's mental health. Except of course, those fools who refuse to wear masks or social distance or avoid large gatherings. 

It can be a bit of a challenge to find things for which to be grateful during the pandemic, when so many people are simply trying to survive and find some normalcy in life. Here are 27 items on my gratitude list:

• my wonderful home
• beautiful surroundings, including views of the mountains
• gorgeous blue skies
• a safe place to take walks
• good food, and plenty of it
• doctors, nurses and medical staff who took care of me earlier this year
• no debt
• a reliable car
• happy, healthy dogs to keep me company
• lots of sunshine
• opportunities to be kind to others
• quiet
• solitude
• hot showers
• privacy
• naps
• a comfortable bed
• books to read
• travel (in a normal year)
• photography
• good health
• inquisitive mind
• desire to keep learning
• my blue eyes
• warm winter clothing 
• an election system that works despite attempts to corrupt it
• a new administration that promises sanity and compassion
  

 I will spend Thanksgiving alone this year, as I did in 2019. My daughter lives in another state, and I don't want her to visit during the pandemic. I won't fix a special meal, and it will be just another day. But that doesn't mean I won't be thankful for the things I have.

Joy to the World

Joy. 

Overwhelming joy.

Joy is what I saw and what I felt as I watched president-elect Joe Biden and vice president-elect Kamala Harris and their families on stage in Delaware after their speeches to America Saturday night. 

My first thought was how wonderful it is to see leaders who smile...who laugh...who dance...who show emotions other than anger. There was no dancing on stage, but there was plenty of dancing in the streets nearby. And I have seen video clips of Harris busting moves. Despite the fact the families on stage wore masks, I could see joy and smiles and laughter in their eyes. Now think about it: when is the last time you saw any of the current first family smile, or laugh? Never? That sounds about right. That family is singularly devoid of joy, or at least as far as we can see. It seems their joy comes only from accumulating more wealth, insulting people, and slaughtering wild animals for fun.

CNN reporter Dana Bash noted that following the Democrats’ victory, "a pressure valve has been released in the cities." She acknowledged that some 70 million people who voted for the incumbent, many of them in rural areas and smaller towns, don't feel this way. Certainly they were not feeling joyful. But joy definitely was the word of the day for the 75 million Americans who have waited 4 years for this day. Biden made a point of promising to try to heal this country, to listen to those who did not vote for him, to work to bring the country closer together.

Joy is something we -- at least I -- have not seen or felt in this country for the past four years. The Biden and Harris families exude joy. They were happy; they were smiling under their masks. We have never seen happiness and smiles from the family of the current occupant of the White House. 

Leaders as well as average citizens of other countries -- the United Kingdom, Germany, France, Canada and Australia among them --  have celebrated the return of the United States to the world community. Biden said he will sign an executive order on his first day in office, returning the US to the Paris Climate Accord.

Biden has said he will give supporters of the president*, and the president* himself, time to come to grips with their loss. We need to recognize the hurt and sense of loss Republican supporters of the incumbent are feeling. We need to treat them far better than they have treated shoe who have opposed the incumbent. Then we need to work together to start repairing the damage done to America, and to Americans, over the past 4 years. 

I have described the feeling of knowing a new era is beginning in America in 70 days in two ways. Although I have never been incarcerated, I imagine the feeling we are experiencing is akin to how an inmate must feel upon release from prison. And feel as if the 50 pound backpack filled with rocks that I have been carrying for the past 4 years has just been removed from my back.

The time for hard work will be here soon enough. For now, And I am more than ready for some joy 

How Could We?

UPDATE: Joe Biden has been elected the 46th president of the United States.

I am thrilled with this result. But what is very dismaying to me and many other people is the fact that some 70 million Americans voted for a known narcissist, con artist, misogynist, sexual predator, racist, liar, draft dodger, cheat and white supremacist. For all those who claim "This isn't who we are," I say "This is definitely who we are." This election proved that.

We as a nation did not repudiate the corruption, bigotry and evil of this administration. We are a nation where 65 million Americans cast a vote for the most corrupt, racist president in generations. We are a nation where 70 million voters feel that this person represents their best choice for president, despite his failure to do anything to control the pandemic that so far has killed more than 230,000 of our fellow citizens. This is the nation where 70 million people support a person who thinks it's OK to discriminate against people because of their sexual preference. 

Seventy million Americans believe that sending in troops and using tear gas against peaceful protesters is acceptable. Sixty five million Americans apparently believe that assaulting women is fine. Some 70 million Americans are willing to cast their votes for someone who refuses to condemn Vladimir Putin after he reportedly paid bounties to Afghan insurgents for each American soldier they killed. Some 70 million voters believe that there "are very fine people" who are white supremacists.

Certainly not everyone who voted for the current president's* reelection believes everything he says and does. I don't agree with the platform of every candidate, but I also am not willing to vote for someone who promises to end Social Security, Medicare and Medicare if reelected. Why are people so stupid as to vote against their own self interest, when losing these social programs will harm the poor and the elderly far more than it will hurt the super rich? How can his supporters claim that they voted for him because "He is a Christian" when he is the opposite of what a Christian should be? How can they vote because he is 'pro-life" when under his policy, immigrant children are taken from their parents and locked in cages?

Do people simply vote for the candidates with an R after their names on the ballot? Are they so stupid and ill-informed that they don't bother to understand what the candidates stand for? Or perhaps at least some of these voters vote R because of the tax breaks multimillionaires and corporations get. 

Seventy million voters cast their ballots for someone who puts his racism and his misogyny on full display. Seventy million million Americans voted for someone who cares absolutely nothing about American citizens who aren't extremely wealthy and who can't help him in his eternal quest for power and wealth. How could women, Blacks and Hispanics vote for him after the cruel and demeaning things he has said about them? How could his claims that he is the "law and order president*" find traction with anybody when he repeatedly flaunts the laws and praises heavily armed thugs who invaded the statehouse in Michigan, even planning to plot and kill the state's Democratic governor?

How could we have been so very wrong about our country and its citizens? We believed there would be a 'blue tsunami' that would wash the racists and bigots and misogynists out of office. We encouraged people to honor the late Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg by voting blue, by voting for the principles to which she devoted her entire brilliant, groundbreaking legal career.

We we so wrong. Moscow Mitch McConnell was reelected overwhelmingly. Lindsay Graham of South Carolina won a decisive victory over his Democratic opponent. The Democrats failed to regain control of the Senate; they even lost seats in the House while retaining a majority.

So, yes, America, this is who we are. We have failed once more the basic test of goodness and kindness, humanity and integrity. How sad is that.

America At the Crossroads

This is it, America. 

Election day 2020. This is without a doubt the most important election since I became eligible to vote some 50 years ago. Apparently many others feel the same way, as more than 100 million Americans have already cast their votes. Many stood in line for up to 10 or 12 hours, in driving rain and blazing sun.

As Joe Biden says, we are fighting for the soul of America. This election will determine whether we can start to rebuild was has been destroyed over the past 4 years, or whether we will continue on the path to autocracy and economic ruin for the masses. Will we choose democracy or fascism?

If Biden loses, we will certainly see more power grabbing by the president*. We will continue to see him and his cronies in Congress enrich themselves and their wealthy friends at the expense of ordinary Americans. We will see him continue to suck up to the dictators of the world, such as Putin, Kim Jung Un and Mohammed bin Salman. We will watch as America withdraws even further into isolationism. Alliances with our long-term allies will continue to wither. We will be hit with even more lies, and more egregious lies. Environmental protections will be completely destroyed, opening our national parks and wilderness areas to extractive uses such as mining and oil drilling. Nothing will be done to combat the coronavirus pandemic sweeping the country.

Nothing will be done to stem the hatred and violence this president* loves to foment. I expect the members of his cult to feel emboldened by his victory -- whether legitimate or not -- and to increase their hateful speech and actions against those who disagree with him. The evangelical 'Christians' and their allies in the courts will press to remove reproductive rights from half the population of the US. They will continue their efforts to return members of the LGBTQ community to second-class status. We will inch closer to becoming a theocracy, with Muslims, Jews and other religious groups being shoved aside.

We cannot, we must not, allow this to happen. Is Joe Biden a perfect candidate? He is not. He wasn't my first choice in the large field of potential Democratic candidates. But he has the knowledge, the temperament, the energy and the compassion to lead us out of the mess he will inherit. He is a good man. He has a deep Christian faith.

If you are registered to vote (and some states allow same-day registration and voting), and you are not among the more than 100 million Americans who have already cast their votes, please VOTE TODAY!

Let's Not Return to Normal

 What a year 2020 has been ... and there are still two months to go.

Australia, Colorado, California, Oregon and Washington were beset by devastating wildfires. The United states was hit by back-to-back hurricanes. The coronavirus pandemic has taken the lives of more than 1 million people worldwide, more than 230,000 of them in America, and left countless others with lingering health problems. It also caused massive unemployment and business collapse. Europe is now shutting down for the second time due to a resurgence of the virus. America, which never really shut down, needs to do the same.

In the US, the run-up to the election has showed the ugly side of many Americans, who believe that freedom of speech and freedom of assembly are rights to be enjoyed only by those who support the current occupant of the White House. 

As much as I have hated the past 4 years, and as much pain, suffering and death we have seen, I don't want a return to the 'normal' of the past 4 years, which has been, really, anything but normal. It is not normal to have a president* who delights in sowing division among the country's citizens, who loves creating chaos and inciting violence. Calling for the arrest of political opponents and calling them insulting names is anything but normal. Blocking access to polling places -- voter intimidation and suppression by supporters of one political party -- is not normal. Refusing to give federal aid to cities and states run by Democrats is not normal. Telling more than 25,000 lies in the past 4 years is not normal. Attacking the news media for telling the truth and for not praising his every word and action is not normal. Questioning whether protests should be allowed (they are, according to that pesky document known as the US Constitution) is not normal. Allowing a deadly virus to spread throughout the country while dismissing physicians and public health experts is not normal. Refusing to lead by example is not normal. Advocating the ingestion or injection of disinfectants to kill the virus is not normal.

Being totally lacking in compassion toward those who have lost friends and family to the pandemic -- never once offering words of sympathy -- is not normal. Failing to recognize and respond to the pain and anger of Black Americans who continue to be victims of police oppression, who continue to die, unarmed, simply for being Black, is not normal. And add to that the higher rates of death from Covid-19 among Black and other minority populations.

It isn't normal to send heavily armed, unidentified storm troopers into Democratic-run cities such as Portland and Seattle to turn up the heat and create problems that are blamed on peaceful protesters. It isn't normal to pepper spray peaceful protesters on the grounds of a church so the president*, who never attends church and whose actions and words are anything but Christian, can have a photo op with a Bible, a book he clearly has never read (many people think he is unable to read) and whose teachings he clearly abhors unless politically expedient.

It isn't normal to award the Medal of Freedom -- the nation's highest civilian honor -- to a hate-spewing racist and misogynist. It isn't normal to have no culture -- no concerts, no artwork, no poetry -- in the White House. It isn't normal to have a president* who is so vindictive that he has worked ceaselessly to undo the accomplishments of his predecessor, the first Black president in our nation's history. It isn't normal to promote conspiracy theories and to praise White supremacists. It isn't normal to hold large rallies during a pandemic, creating super-spreader events that ultimately sicken thousands of people. Refusing to pass a package of much-needed aid to citizens and small businesses during the pandemic, as the US Senate has done -- is not normal. Pledging to dismantle the Affordable Care Act, a hallmark of the Obama era, to remove health insurance from millions of people is not normal. Pledging to kill Social Security and Medicare, into which tens of millions of workers have paid for decades and upon which millions of the country's elderly depend, is not normal. 

It isn't normal to weaken or eliminate protections for endangered species, clean air and clean water. It isn't normal for the president to create a country devoid of joy, of happiness, of fun. The current president* always looks as if he just sucked on a lemon. His very appearance, his ever-present scowl, is not normal in someone who is supposed to comfort and reassure the nation during times of crisis. The same goes for the first lady, who complained bitterly and profanely about how much she hates decorating the White House for Christmas. She is almost never seen smiling.

 It isn't normal to have senior advisors to the president who are either close family members or avowed White supremacists. It isn't normal for those in key cabinet positions to hold their positions because of their contributions to the president's campaign fund rather than for their qualifications. 

So no, I do not want things to return to 'normal.' I want our country, when it finally emerges from the pandemic, to become a better America. I want a better 'normal.' This can be, once again, a great country. There is much work to be done. Racial and gender equality must be confronted head on. People must once again trust science and public health officials. We must again together as a united country, putting country above politics.

The question is, 'Can we and will we do what it takes to create a new, better normal?"

Trying to Find the Words

This has been a horrible year for people around the world.

The exceptions, of course, are the billionaires and mega-millionaires who have increased their wealth by even more billions. The wealthiest Americans have more money than ever, while ordinary Americans struggle to pay rent and buy food. All of us are more stressed for far longer than we have ever been. People have lost their jobs and their businesses. Congress (the Senate in particular) has spent more time pushing through a new Supreme Court justice than on passing a relief bill for Americans in need. More than 230,000 Americans have died from Covid-19, while countless others will live with the lingering effects of the virus.

Tempers are short (I know mine is). I have lost interest in taking care of housekeeping and other mundane chores. People are stressed beyond belief. Insomnia is rampant. Alcohol use has increased dramatically. Parents struggle with trying to work from home while taking care of their kids, or homeschooling them. 

As a writer, I usually don't struggle to find the right words. But now, just days before the most crucial election of my lifetime, the words aren't there to describe how I feel. I am worried. Stressed. Anxious. Frustrated. Bored. Angry. Despair. Tired. Sad. Disgusted. Isolated.  Frightened. Unable to focus. Easily distracted. Uninspired. Yet these words just scratch the surface of my feelings.

I am fortunate that I don't have to worry about losing my job (I retired 10 years ago). I don't have to worry about making a mortgage payment or paying rent. I have food. I have no children at home. I have good health insurance, thanks to that horrible "socialist" health care program called Medicare. I have no business to worry about.

But I do worry. And I am afraid for our health care workers, for those suffering with Covid-19 and struggling even after recovering from this horrible disease. I worry about myself when I hear about others who get coronavirus despite following the recommended precautions. I worry about the stress so many are under. I worry about those in minority populations who are even more greatly impacted by Covid. I worry about the deep divisions in our country. I worry about the hatred that fills so many Americans. I worry about the threats to our civil rights from a president* who attacks the news media and reporters who don't praise him constantly. A president* who questions whether public protests should be permitted (they are allowed by the Constitution of the United States). A president* who has packed the Supreme Court with conservative justices only too willing to do his bidding. An attorney general who serves not on behalf of the American people, but on behalf of his cult leader. 

My greatest worry, of course, is the survival of my country as a democratic republic as it is being dragged into becoming a divided country led by a would-be autocrat. Regardless of who wins the elections, I expect much civil unrest. Reversing the damage of the past 4 years won't be easy. Harder still will be to heal the hatred, violence and divisions encouraged by the occupant of the White House.

Politics has never been something of which I took much notice. I voted in major elections. I was familiar with presidential candidates and their platforms. But never did it occupy so much of my mind. Never did it present the threat to our country as it does now. Never has this country had such an unhinged president* and a political party bent on destroying the country.

I don't post political signs in my yard for fear of retribution from members of a certain political party, although there are signs supporting both presidential candidates in the neighborhood and none has been stolen or destroyed. Things appear to be very civil. Besides, I doubt that a campaign sign has ever persuaded anybody to vote for or against a particular candidate.

I told a neighbor recently that I wish I could do what the bears do: Stuff my face, consume many calories, and then hibernate for several months, reappearing in the spring. Sadly, I can't do that. 

So I will resist stuffing my face. I will continue to write, to read and to edit my photos. I will do my daily walks and watch television if I feel like it. I will cook comforting foods. (So far I have made stew and chicken noodle soup, and a batch of homemade granola). I will take a nap if I feel tired. And if the house is dusty, who's going to see it? I don't have visitors, and my dogs (the source of much of the dust) don't care.

At this point, I and most others are in survival mode.  We must take care of ourselves. Give ourselves a break. Find, and do, things that bring us joy. Step away from social media and the news. We must survive to fight for our country, and to help rebuild it.