A Lasting Legacy

Simone Biles will not compete in the women's all-around gymnastics competition at the Olympics.

Already many are criticizing her decision to tend to her mental health rather than competing to win another gold medal. For all you naysayers and armchair critics: How would you like it if YOUR mental health struggles were played out in front of billions of people? Would you want to be publicly shamed, called a selfish coward and criticized for taking care of yourself? Would you criticize her had she suffered a physical injury such as a badly sprained ankle? What if she competed and suffered a debilitating, possibly even fatal, injury?

I can't even begin to imagine the pressure she is under to perform at the absolute highest level, to have the focus required to safely complete feats that could, quite literally, result in her death. To continue her dominance of a very demanding sport. To live up to her reputation for perfection and fearlessness as she flies through the air, twisting and turning. And all to bring home a gold medal for the US.

I hope she successfully deals with her mental health issues. And I hope she competes again, if she decides that is what she wants to do. But if she never races toward another pommel horse, if she never does another back flip on a narrow balance beam, what she has given us, in lessons in courage, in strength to bring her struggles into the public eye, and in medals won, can never be taken away.

Who Are We to Judge?

Simone Biles is the greatest gymnast ever.

That's saying a lot. She has mesmerized the world with her achievements and her gravity-defying moves on a variety of equipment. for more than 10 years. 

Biles is the gymnast with the most World medals (25), the most World gold medals (19), and she is the female gymnast with the most World all-round titles (5). In 2021, she completed a Yurchenko double pike vault, something never before done by a female.

She started making a name for herself in 2011 at the age of 14, and two years later she took home gold medals at the World championships.

Biles has competed with broken toes on both feet and with a kidney stone. She has suffered injuries resulting from her profession. Yet someone today accused her of being selfish for withdrawing from today's team competition for mental health reasons. Another person said she had quit, and Olympians aren't allowed to quit.  Biles, according to this person, "quit on her teammates." 

I don't know Simone Biles, but it is very clear that she is not a quitter. She was in foster care as a youngster until she was adopted by her grandparents. She has competed at the highest levels of world gymnastics despite injuries and illness. She has become the face of survivors of sexual abuse, at the hands of the gymnastics team doctor. She is now competing in an Olympics unlike any other, with no family, friends or fans in the stands due to Japan's strict covid restrictions. Yes, other athletes have no supporters (other than teammates) in the stands as well. But how many other athletes have the notoriety and pressure of Simone Biles? Withdrawing from the Olympics is not something any world-class athlete would do without a very good reason. 

I am quite shocked by the number of Americans -- most of whom most likely have trouble getting off the couch to waddle to the refrigerator -- who are self-proclaimed experts. Have any of these pundits ever competed in an Olympics? No? What a surprise. Do any of these experts have experience or expertise in dealing with an inordinate amount of pressure for their entire adult lives? No? Have any of these people -- experts, all of them to be sure -- ever needed to step back and take a 'mental health day' when the pressures of life get to be too much? Of course they have. But when a top level athlete needs to step away, she is criticized and called a quitter. 

Unless these people have experienced what Simone Biles has experienced, they need to sit down, shut up and keep their opinions to themselves. How dare these armchair athletes criticize her and accuse her of being a quitter. 

I'm quite certain she didn't reach this decision lightly. I'm sure she did a lot of soul searching before deciding to withdraw from the team competition. But doing so kept her from injuring herself because she wasn't able to have the intense focus she needs to compete at the highest level. Had she competed and failed, she would have been blamed for costing the women's gymnastics team a medal. Instead, her teammates stepped up and won a silver medal.

As an online friend posted, "The fact that Simone Biles is out here alive and breathing after the horrific, repeated sexual abuse she survived, which was known about by many adults who did nothing, makes her inspiring forever. 

Simone Biles was just a kid when Nassar abused her. She's alive. What more do you want?

Not everyone who is sexually abused survives. Simone Biles survived.

This is enough. 

She doesn't owe us or anyone else one single thing.

Would she be under this attack is she were white, or if she were male? I think we know the answer.

The world number 1 female tennis player, Naomi Osaka, withdrew from the French Open in 2021 citing mental health issues. Swimmer Michael Phelps, holder of more Olympic gold medals than anyone in history (23), has been very public about his mental health challenges and he encourages those struggling with mental health issues to seek professional help. 

I applaud Simone Biles for her accomplishments as a human being, for her achievements as a superb athlete, and for her bravery. I applaud her for making her mental health a priority. The world would be a much better place if more people followed her example. 

I hope she is able to continue to astonish the world with her grace and athleticism. But if she decides that for her own mental and physical well-being, she needs to retire from competition, I will support her all the way. She, unlike most people, doesn't have the luxury of dealing with her issues privately. The 'experts' need to keep their mouths shut rather than criticizing others who are struggling.

Whatever she decides to do, I am certain that we haven't heard the last of this amazing young woman.

You Don't Get to Do That

Recently someone I have known online for 25 or 30 years viciously attacked me verbally.

I have known this person as a member of three online groups centered around our common interest. But rather than communicating with me in private, she chose to castigate me publicly, ending her attack by telling me I need to find a good therapist. 

I was, needless to say, taken aback. I read her commentary twice, and then I deleted it. Public attacks are what the former president -- someone she criticized constantly -- did, and still does. This person has my e-mail address, as well as being a 'friend' online. I ended the friendship and have no intention of ever communicating with this person again. A day after the attack, I blocked all possible contact with this vitriolic person.

Still, a few days later, the attack still stings. And I still wonder why this person felt the need to attack me so viciously.

A normal person would have reached out to ask whether I was OK, whether something was going on to cause what this person perceived as my negativity. But no, he/she chose to attack me publicly and viciously. Yes, there is one thing that had me upset and angry. But in looking back at my recent posts, I saw only one thing that could be perceived as negative. The overwhelming majority of my posts over the past few weeks was photos from my trips to Yellowstone and Glacier national parks.

I could have publicly responded to this attack with a hateful attack of my own. Instead, I simply deleted it, and the person, from my life. I could have publicly identified this person in my subsequent post about the attack. But I chose not to do that. I could have hinted that this person has a serious drinking problem, but again, I chose not to.

Social media has, in my opinion and in the opinion of many others, been a major contributor to the rise in hate, anger and nastiness in our society. I won't play that game. I will not contribute to the nastiness I see online. I will not be part of the increasingly vitriolic personal attacks on people.

So I did what was best for me -- ending a 25+ year online friendship and ensuring that I will never be subjected to this person's hatefulness ever again.

In Search of ... Underwear

Dear businesses that sell ladies underwear: Please keep in mind that not every woman shopping for underwear is 22 years old, with a flat stomach and a tiny waist. Not every woman wants or needs bikini underwear.

I travel quite a bit, so I recently looked for underwear that is lightweight and dries quickly, as laundry services are not always available in the places I travel. What I found after searching several websites was that a lot of the offerings was bikini style underwear. Now bikini underwear may be fine for the young and thin among us, but I am not in that group of people. 

I was thin at one point some 40 to 50 years ago, but those days passed a long time ago. So I was looking for some regular ladies underwear, what my daughter once called granny underwear. And that’s OK. I’m not looking for anything sexy or to show off my flat stomach. I simply wanted something that is lightweight, hand washable, comfortable and that dries quickly.

I checked the websites of a few companies that specialize in outdoor wear, including Columbia, REI and Patagonia. I even checked Amazon. I finally remembered that I had ordered years ago from a company called Travelsmith. There I finally found what I was looking for, but at great expense. I ended up spending more than $90 on underwear, including a ridiculous charge for shipping (why should shipping charges be based on the price of the items purchased rather than on their weight? A few pairs of underwear weigh very little). and state sales tax.

Because I am sometimes gone for two weeks or more, it isn’t practical to take a separate pair of underwear for each day of the trip. They simply weigh too much and take up too much space in my suitcase. Hence this search for quick-drying underwear.

This experience made me realize that I am in that group of invisible women, women who are no longer young and thin. Businesses don't market to us, unless it's an ad for some prescription medication or wrinkle cream. 

But guess what? We still are consumers. We often have more disposable income than do the skinny 24 year olds who appear to be the target of marketing of too many businesses. What a refreshing relief it would be if businesses actually acknowledged that as women get older, our bodies change. We get heavier. We get thicker around the middle, or as one friend of mine says, fluffier.

I would bet there would be a good market for comfortable, light weight, quick-drying underwear for women of all sizes, not just for the sexy young things featured in ads, with their flawless skin, big lips and perfect hair.

I am tired of being invisible. Ladies, how about you?

Sounds of Nature in the Neighborhood

I so enjoy the sounds of the night.

I don't sleep well, and I often awaken during the early morning hours. I live in a city of some 90,000 people, but in a wonderful area with unpaved roads and 1/2-acre lots. One lot next to mine is vacant. Once in a while I will hear a vehicle driving down the road, or a small airplane flying overhead. But it is a very peaceful neighborhood, which is one of the things I love about it.

One morning I woke up at 12:45 a.m. and was unable to go back to sleep. So I listened to a pack of coyotes howling. Then I heard my dog, sleeping on the floor at the end of my bed (he refuses to sleep on a dog bed or blanket), groan a couple of times. 

Some early mornings I hear a great horned owl hooting in a nearby tree. It used to sit in one of my big pine trees, but it seems to have taken up residence elsewhere. I have repeatedly tried to see it (my neighbor told me about it after seeing it in the tree, and after it tried to carry off one of the family's miniature dachshunds). I never did get to see it.

Sometimes during the day I can hear the distinctive call of a Cooper's hawk. For a few years, Mr and Mrs Hawk had a large nest in one of my cottonwood trees. In 2019 they raised five baby hawks. They did not nest there last year, although I still hear their call from time to time. My dog goes crazy when he hears the hawk, and I swear the bird is laughing as it sits safely in a tree and antagonizes my dog. 

In winter and early spring, the honking of geese and the distinctive vocalizations of sandhill cranes flying overhead or feeding in nearby fields are daily occurrences. I also hear crows and quail in the neighborhood. Once in a great while I will hear (but not as often see) a road runner making its distinctive clacking sound.

Living in the desert, I rarely see or hear songbirds. Bald eagles have been spotted along the nearby Rio Grande River during the winter, but I have yet to see one.

My favorite thing of all, however, is the magnificent view of the Sandia Mountains visible from my back yard and from several rooms in my house. While the mountains themselves lack the beauty of Arizona's and Utah's magnificent red rocks, they are home to many spectacular sunrises.

I love being able to enjoy nature while still having the convenience of urban living.