I read an interesting article in the on-line Oprah magazine a while ago, discussing 20 questions everyone should ask themselves. I am not a big Oprah fan, but the article was intriguing. The 10 questions below are from the article. The explanations are mine.
What questions should I be asking myself?
Asking this question can prepare us to be more self-aware and thoughtful. It lays the groundwork for asking other questions that may impact our lives.
Is this what I want to be doing?
This question can apply to a job, a relationship, or any other facet of our life. Ask yourself frequently whether you like what you are doing. Are you happy? If the answer is 'no,' what can you do to change things? Life is too short to waste doing something that we really don't enjoy. It's too short to simply 'settle' for a job or a relationship. Changing jobs or leaving a relationship can be daunting, but if we can overcome that initial fear, we may well find that something even better awaits us.
Why worry?
Does worry change things? Does it create a different outcome? I'd guess that worry never changes anything. Nor does it lead to anything positive. Rather than wasting time worrying, why not focus on those things you can control, not those beyond your control. If I am worried about passing a test, I can control how prepared I am and how much I study for the test. I can't control which questions will be on the exam or how the teacher will grade. A little bit of worry might motivate us; too much worry can literally make us sick. I experienced this myself recently.
How do I want the world to be different because I lived in it?
This is a huge question for me, especially now that I have reached 'senior citizen' status. How has my existence changed the world around me? Is the world a better place because of me? Have I made a difference? I do know that I have made a difference. I have adopted several dogs and given them loving homes. I photographed animal cruelty cases to provide evidence to use in prosecuting the abusers in court. I have served as a foster home for golden retrievers, and I have volunteered with animal welfare organizations. I donate food and money to food banks. I was a blood donor. I paid for the community college tuition of a young woman I know. I am sponsoring the high school education of a teenager in Kenya who otherwise wouldn't be able to attend high school. So I have made a difference in some small ways. I'm not a great philanthropist or the leader of a powerful movement, but my actions have impacted the lives of others. Of that I am sure. But there is so much more I could do. There is so much more yet to do.
How much junk could a chic chick chuck if a chic chick could chuck junk?
Although awkwardly phrased, this question points to the worthwhile practice of a good house-cleaning from time to time. I don't mean merely dusting the furniture or vacuuming the floors. I'm talking about getting rid of toxic relationships, negative habits, time-wasters and surplus 'stuff.' I have been doing these things, and they do make a difference.
What's so funny?
How often do most of us, as adults, have a good laugh? I'd bet it isn't very often. Kids tend to laugh a great deal and to find humor in many things, often the grosser the better. As adults, we often look upon raucous laughter as inappropriate. According to the article, our "laughter rate" drops from 400 times a day for toddlers to a daily average of 15 for adults. I wrote a blog entry a while ago about 'what makes you smile?' Let's expand that to ask 'what makes you laugh?' Determine what does make you laugh, then make a point of laughing as often as possible. It's good for the body and the mind.
What do I love to practice?
I love to practice writing and photography. Although I don't take pictures every day, I try to do at least a bit of writing on a weekly basis. And I'm always looking for new opportunities to practice my photography. Practice may not make perfect, but it certainly can bring improvement and be enjoyable at the same time. And notice that the question asks "what do I love [not like] to practice?" If we don't love what we practice, we never will truly excel at it. Mastery requires a passion, whether it's playing tennis, cooking or taking pictures. I recently met a man on a winter trip to Yellowstone National Park who talked about his passion for photography. He has a job that doesn't involve photography, yet that is his passion. He has outstanding camera equipment, he is a very good photographer, and his passion for his art is evident in how he lives his life. I have taken several wonderful photography trips to Africa, Alaska and Yellowstone, among other places. And I definitely have seen improvement in my photography.
How can I keep myself absolutely safe?
No one, of course, can be absolutely safe. Accidents happen. People get sick. Businesses fail. Natural disasters occur. I was mugged on the first day of my first trip to Santa Fe in 2004, in broad daylight, just a few yards from my B&B and next to a church. I was shaken, but unhurt. Two women leaving the church just at that time waited with me until the police arrived, then they took me out for a drink. And I got my camera back. So it ended well.
We can live our lives in fear of the unknown and the untried, or we can find the courage to stretch ourselves to do those things that at first seem pretty scary. I moved from California to Texas because I needed a change and wanted some new challenges at work. I stayed there for 3 years and realized I really didn't like Houston or Texas. But while there, I got the opportunity to live and work in Moscow for 3-1/2 months, I learned a lot and I had some great experiences. Had I played it safe and not moved to Houston, I would have missed some wonderful experiences and opportunities.
Where should I break the rules?
Sometimes we have to break, or at least challenge, the rules. The rules used to say that women were not allowed to vote, kids worked in factories for hours every day and there were no safety rules in the workplace.
Because people broke the rules, those situations have changed. Women spoke up and demanded the right to vote. Laws were passed limiting the number of hours and types of work children can do. Sometimes, the 'rules' aren't rules at all. They are simply limits we place on ourselves, usually for reasons unknown. Sometimes we have to think with our hearts and not just with our brains. What self-imposed rules are holding you back?
Are my thoughts hurting or healing?
Dwelling on the negative things that might happen, or worrying about the 'what ifs' in life, can drain our energy and kill our chance at happiness. This has been a big lesson for me. Studies have shown that people who are consciously grateful are happier. I have written previously about creating a gratitude list of 100 things. Some people make a 5-item gratitude list every day as a way of reminding themselves of the many positive things in their lives. Thoughts, just like sticks and stones, can hurt us.
If you want to read the entire article and the author's perspective on answers to these and the other questions, go to http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Martha-Becks-20-Questions-That-Could-Change-Your-Life_1
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