I am a photographer.
I don't earn a living at photography, but I do sell photo calendars and images. I donate the profits to charity. I travel to many places in the US and overseas with my cameras, always looking to capture that next great photo. I offer images for sale on a Web site (www.annsullivan.zenfolio.com). I'm adding new images all the time as I continue to develop the site.
Going back through tens of thousands of images on my computer has been a time-consuming but rewarding experience. I have rediscovered photographs that I haven't looked at in a few years. I have realized that some of those forgotten images are actually quite good and should be shared with the world. Looking at them with fresh eyes has been, pardon the expression, a real eye-opener.
But the biggest joy of going through these images is remembering the circumstances and the places where the images were captured. I recently ran across a photo of an elephant going down a hill. It isn't a great picture, but as soon as I saw it, I immediately remembered that I took this image as we were driving to our lodge in Borana, Kenya. The road was steep and winding, and it seemed to go on forever.
It amazes me that a glance at even a not-so-great photograph can awaken so many memories. How does my mind recall the circumstances and the location where this photo was taken? How can the simple act of looking at an image on the computer screen take me back to that day last July? I can look at a picture of a leopard sprawled in a tree, for example, and remember how excited I was that our guide spotted this animal on the ground nearby, and then waited with us in the vehicle until the other safari vehicles left. We then got to spend several minutes with that magnificent cat as it climbed a dead tree and relaxed before heading off to sleep. We were on our way to the airstrip to start our journey home, and this sighting was a wonderful way to wrap up a fantastic trip.
Looking at this image of a jaguar in a cage in Costa Rica doesn't make me sad. The animal isn't caged for entertainment or so people can pay to take its picture. No, it is caged because a kind man with permits trapped the jaguar rather than to allow it to be killed for killing cattle. He planned to relocate it to a safe area, far from cows, and release it. We were on a farm photographing scarlet macaws when our guide quietly told me about this big cat. It was a thrill to see it, and to know about the kindness of the local man who saved its life.
I love digital photography. I love the challenge of improving my skills, and the challenge of capturing wildlife in its natural habitat. I love sharing the beauty of places and wildlife with people who will never get to visit these special places, who will never get to see a family of elephants or a pride of lions in the wild. And now, I love the memories looking at my images bring to mind.
I read an interesting article in the on-line Oprah magazine a while ago, discussing 20 questions everyone should ask themselves. I am not a big Oprah fan, but the article was intriguing. The 10 questions below are from the article. The explanations are mine.
What questions should I be asking myself?
Asking this question can prepare us to be more self-aware and thoughtful. It lays the groundwork for asking other questions that may impact our lives.
Is this what I want to be doing?
This question can apply to a job, a relationship, or any other facet of our life. Ask yourself frequently whether you like what you are doing. Are you happy? If the answer is 'no,' what can you do to change things? Life is too short to waste doing something that we really don't enjoy. It's too short to simply 'settle' for a job or a relationship. Changing jobs or leaving a relationship can be daunting, but if we can overcome that initial fear, we may well find that something even better awaits us.
Why worry?
Does worry change things? Does it create a different outcome? I'd guess that worry never changes anything. Nor does it lead to anything positive. Rather than wasting time worrying, why not focus on those things you can control, not those beyond your control. If I am worried about passing a test, I can control how prepared I am and how much I study for the test. I can't control which questions will be on the exam or how the teacher will grade. A little bit of worry might motivate us; too much worry can literally make us sick. I experienced this myself recently.
How do I want the world to be different because I lived in it?
This is a huge question for me, especially now that I have reached 'senior citizen' status. How has my existence changed the world around me? Is the world a better place because of me? Have I made a difference? I do know that I have made a difference. I have adopted several dogs and given them loving homes. I photographed animal cruelty cases to provide evidence to use in prosecuting the abusers in court. I have served as a foster home for golden retrievers, and I have volunteered with animal welfare organizations. I donate food and money to food banks. I was a blood donor. I paid for the community college tuition of a young woman I know. I am sponsoring the high school education of a teenager in Kenya who otherwise wouldn't be able to attend high school. So I have made a difference in some small ways. I'm not a great philanthropist or the leader of a powerful movement, but my actions have impacted the lives of others. Of that I am sure. But there is so much more I could do. There is so much more yet to do.
How much junk could a chic chick chuck if a chic chick could chuck junk?
Although awkwardly phrased, this question points to the worthwhile practice of a good house-cleaning from time to time. I don't mean merely dusting the furniture or vacuuming the floors. I'm talking about getting rid of toxic relationships, negative habits, time-wasters and surplus 'stuff.' I have been doing these things, and they do make a difference.
What's so funny?
How often do most of us, as adults, have a good laugh? I'd bet it isn't very often. Kids tend to laugh a great deal and to find humor in many things, often the grosser the better. As adults, we often look upon raucous laughter as inappropriate. According to the article, our "laughter rate" drops from 400 times a day for toddlers to a daily average of 15 for adults. I wrote a blog entry a while ago about 'what makes you smile?' Let's expand that to ask 'what makes you laugh?' Determine what does make you laugh, then make a point of laughing as often as possible. It's good for the body and the mind.
What do I love to practice?
I love to practice writing and photography. Although I don't take pictures every day, I try to do at least a bit of writing on a weekly basis. And I'm always looking for new opportunities to practice my photography. Practice may not make perfect, but it certainly can bring improvement and be enjoyable at the same time. And notice that the question asks "what do I love [not like] to practice?" If we don't love what we practice, we never will truly excel at it. Mastery requires a passion, whether it's playing tennis, cooking or taking pictures. I recently met a man on a winter trip to Yellowstone National Park who talked about his passion for photography. He has a job that doesn't involve photography, yet that is his passion. He has outstanding camera equipment, he is a very good photographer, and his passion for his art is evident in how he lives his life. I have taken several wonderful photography trips to Africa, Alaska and Yellowstone, among other places. And I definitely have seen improvement in my photography.
How can I keep myself absolutely safe?
No one, of course, can be absolutely safe. Accidents happen. People get sick. Businesses fail. Natural disasters occur. I was mugged on the first day of my first trip to Santa Fe in 2004, in broad daylight, just a few yards from my B&B and next to a church. I was shaken, but unhurt. Two women leaving the church just at that time waited with me until the police arrived, then they took me out for a drink. And I got my camera back. So it ended well.
We can live our lives in fear of the unknown and the untried, or we can find the courage to stretch ourselves to do those things that at first seem pretty scary. I moved from California to Texas because I needed a change and wanted some new challenges at work. I stayed there for 3 years and realized I really didn't like Houston or Texas. But while there, I got the opportunity to live and work in Moscow for 3-1/2 months, I learned a lot and I had some great experiences. Had I played it safe and not moved to Houston, I would have missed some wonderful experiences and opportunities.
Where should I break the rules?
Sometimes we have to break, or at least challenge, the rules. The rules used to say that women were not allowed to vote, kids worked in factories for hours every day and there were no safety rules in the workplace.
Because people broke the rules, those situations have changed. Women spoke up and demanded the right to vote. Laws were passed limiting the number of hours and types of work children can do. Sometimes, the 'rules' aren't rules at all. They are simply limits we place on ourselves, usually for reasons unknown. Sometimes we have to think with our hearts and not just with our brains. What self-imposed rules are holding you back?
Are my thoughts hurting or healing?
Dwelling on the negative things that might happen, or worrying about the 'what ifs' in life, can drain our energy and kill our chance at happiness. This has been a big lesson for me. Studies have shown that people who are consciously grateful are happier. I have written previously about creating a gratitude list of 100 things. Some people make a 5-item gratitude list every day as a way of reminding themselves of the many positive things in their lives. Thoughts, just like sticks and stones, can hurt us.
If you want to read the entire article and the author's perspective on answers to these and the other questions, go to http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Martha-Becks-20-Questions-That-Could-Change-Your-Life_1
I am enjoying a newfound sense of freedom.
My adult daughter recently left town without notice after stealing money from her employer. She didn't tell anybody where she was headed, although I had a pretty good idea. I worried myself sick until I realized that she is an adult, she makes her own decisions and she alone must face the consequences. This isn't the way I raised her to behave, but this situation is out of my control.
Initially I couldn't sleep (which is difficult even without the additional stress), my intestines were in knots, and the pressure in my eyes was elevated to the point where I had to start using eye drops to bring it down. So I increased my walking to 4 or 5 miles every day. Whenever I started to worry, I told myself to stop thinking about the situation and I forced myself to think about some of my favorite images from nature. This change in thinking worked, and my sleep returned to normal, as did my intestines. I won't know about the eye pressure until I get it checked later this month.
Once my stress level was under control, I became incredibly productive. I worked on several projects every day: cleaning house, doing yard work, exercising, and setting up my new photography Web site. I also did a lot of reading. My energy level soared. I actually feel lighter, no longer weighed down by worry.
Just because I don't worry about my daughter's situation constantly doesn't mean I stopped caring about her. It simply means that I started caring about myself. It means that I refuse to sacrifice my emotional and physical health worrying about something and someone over which I have no control. Until she gets help with her addiction and other mental health issues, I must of necessity maintain a healthy distance from her.
I never knew that distancing myself from toxic people could be so liberating. I am excited about my new photography venture (www.annsullivan.zenfolio.com). I am rediscovering images that have sat unseen on my computer for several years. I can see how much improvement I have made in my photography skills. I am learning two photo editing programs, and I love the results.
I hope that some day my daughter will return to the family as a healthy person. As her mom, I would love to reestablish the great relationship we once had. But until she acknowledges her addiction and gets serious about treatment, I refuse to allow myself to be taken advantage of any longer. I am really enjoying the sense of freedom and lightness I have discovered.
I am pleased to announce that I now have a new Web site featuring my best and most popular photographs.
At
www.annsullivan.zenfolio.com you will find stunning images of
landscapes, flowers, animals big and small, big cats, sunrises and
sunsets, birds and scenes of the American West.
New photos are being added every day, so please check out this new site, and check back often to see what is new!
www.annsullivan.zenfolio.com
