Among the Wolves

Wolves touch a place in my heart like no other wild animal. I have two dogs, and I love them immensely. I have worked for a large animal shelter, I have volunteered with a variety of animal welfare organizations and I have fostered homeless golden retrievers. I have a real soft spot for dogs.

But there is something very special about wolves. They look so similar to dogs, yet they clearly are  not like their domesticated relatives. I have been blessed to be able to sit in a pen with some of these magnificent animals. It is an experience I never will forget. I sat with Liberty, a wolf/malamute mix, talking to him and stroking him.

Dadyoe is a gray wolf. Initially nervous around people he doesn't know, he is becoming calmer around strangers, and I watched him engage in a game of chase with one of his favorite human visitors. As I sat in his pen and observed him, I felt no fear, just awe at getting to be so close to such a beautiful animal.

I spent a couple of hours with some other wolves yesterday. There were three wolves and wolf/dogs, all rescued from abusive situations. Hokshila, a timber wolf, weighs 125 pounds. Liberty weighs about 80 pounds. And Bindi, at 65 pounds, is a wolf/coyote/husky. They were part of an educational outreach presentation by a wolf rescue group to give people an opportunity to not only learn about wolves, but also to meet them up close and see what awesome creatures they are.

Every time I have spent time with these animals, which have been socialized and no longer fear people, I have come away so amazed by how gentle and trusting they are, especially given their histories of abuse and neglect. Spending time with them is like spending time with a dog that isn't a dog. Wolves have much in common with domestic dogs, of course, yet the differences are noticeable. There is a 'wildness' about them, although they respond to commands (sit, shake, down, come), walk on a leash and gently take treats, as do many pet dogs. The wolves exhibit typical canine greeting behaviors and they wag their tails.

But unlike dogs, wolves do not bark. They howl and growl, but they do not bark. Their eyes are almond-shaped, while dogs' eyes are round. Wolf eyes also tend to be amber or green; most dogs have brown eyes. (A couple of breeds, such as the Siberian husky and Australian shepherd, can have blue eyes). There are differences in the skulls, ears and muzzles, too. But the most profound difference isn't something visible; it is something that is sensed.

There is something in their presence that reminds me that these are not domesticated dogs. I have no fear of them; I can read their body language as I can read that of dogs. I have been kissed by Hokshila and leaned on by Liberty. Bindi rolls over for tummy rubs just as my dogs do. But what is different is their sense of 'wolfness.' It is more than their intelligence, although that is considerable.

I discovered a wonderful video on Facebook called The Kiss of the Wolf.
The video captures the beauty, trust, inquisitiveness and playfulness of these magnificent animals; the musical accompaniment is haunting. I encourage people to watch it.

As the ancestors of our beloved domestic dogs, don't wolves deserve our respect and protection? As apex predators, they help keep the populations of deer, elk and other ungulates under control. They prey on the weak and ill, thereby strengthening the wild populations of prey animals. They also help keep the rodent and rabbit populations in check. They work together to hunt, showing intelligence and coordination, and the pack helps raise the pups. And they care for each other. Pack members will take food to an injured wolf unable to get to the kill. I have seen that same concern shown by Bindi, who placed himself in front of a small child sitting on the grass, as if daring anyone to try to harm the baby.

Maligned, hated, hunted, poisoned, trapped and shot from airplanes, wolves are remarkable animals. They are not the evil creatures of fairy tales and myths. Wolves, for good reason, steer clear of humans in the wild. They are shy, seldom seen in the wild. They do not deserve the reputation they have been given. They deserve our protection as they struggle to survive against those who hate them simply for being wolves.

Finding the Special in Every Day

A friend in California sent me an e-mail recently that included the message below.

Life is short, so break the rules.
Forgive quickly.
Kiss slowly.
Love truly.
Laugh uncontrollably.
And never regret anything that made you smile.

Great advice, don't you think? I'm not so sure about the 'break the rules' part, but it's OK to break our personal rules (often known as 'shoulds' and 'shouldn'ts'). Rules that are unjust or oppressive need to be challenged, of course. And it's good to break out of our shells and try new things. So I guess it depends on which 'rules' we're talking about.

I have to admit that I don't do most of the things on this list, but I am increasingly aware of the shortness of life. Some days, when I'm busy just doing 'things' that need to be done (grocery shopping, filling up the gas tank, waiting for a repair guy to show up), I regret that I didn't do anything special that day. I regret the missed opportunities to go hiking or take photographs or explore a new place.

Most of the time, of course, there is nothing memorable about any given day. I think of another day of my life gone for good, and to what end? But then I sometimes think that there really was something special about that day, after all. I fixed dinner for my daughter, or I appreciated the fact that she confided in me about something. Maybe we went shopping (not one of my favorite activities) and laughed so hard in the fitting room that I had tears in my eyes. Or maybe I just enjoyed a sunny day and some good exercise. While mundane, those things are special, too.

Not every day can be filled with excitement or something new. But every day can be special if we but make it so.

Cleaning Out On-line Clutter

I recently decided to do some 'declutterring,' which I have written about in a couple of previous blog posts. This time, my cleaning was done not in the house, but on-line. I needed to rid my life of things that were much more negative than positive.

First, I cleaned out my account on a forum of golden retriever lovers. Unfortunately, I was unable to delete the account completely, but it is devoid of any information or photographs. I had been a member of this on-line forum for more than 3 years, but recent developments made me realize that participating in the forum was bringing me much more negativity than positive feelings. Add to that the fact that various moderators were, in my opinion, being very heavy-handed, and I knew it was time to leave. I deleted everything I could: information about me, my avatar picture, special signature lines and pictures, list of friends, contact information, etc. I also canceled my automatic annual payment to  help support the group. Although I have taken breaks from this group in the past, this time it's permanent.

Then I turned to my Facebook account. I didn't 'de-friend' anyone, but I did drop organizations and businesses from my list of 'likes' to stop receiving wall posts from them. Some were just too negative and disturbing, with too many stories about abused dogs, dogs under threat of euthanasia, etc. Others I just don't care enough about to want to keep up to date with what they are doing.

I went to my Twitter account and deleted several sites I had been following. I'm not an active user of Twitter, so I have no need for so many 'tweets' that just go unread.

The final act was to try to remove the Facebook page I created for my hoped-for photography business. I've never been good at self-promotion, so there is no point in keeping that page active. I haven't yet figured out how to delete that page without deleting my entire account, but it is now marked "Closed due to lack of interest," and all wall posts and images have been deleted. I also deleted everything from the page I had set up with my best photographs.

Interestingly, I didn't get the sense of satisfaction from decluttering my electronic life as I do when I declutter the house. Maybe that's because I can't see the results of my efforts. But I suspect that over time, I will feel the results of removing sources of negativity and frustration from my life.

I Hate Winter!

I'm not one to whine or complain a lot, and I generally try to keep an up-beat attitude. But I have met my match this winter.

I HATE COLD WEATHER!! I am positively miserable. I hate cold weather, I hate snow, and I hate the short hours of daylight that winter brings. I hate the mess that people and dogs track into the house. I hate the ice that invariably causes me to fall. I hate the threat of frozen water pipes. And I hate the mud that follows the melted snow. The new-fallen snow may be pretty for a short time, but I much prefer to look at it from afar, say, on a mountain top several miles away. I hate being house-bound either because of massive amounts of snow or because of bone-chilling temperatures.

I know there are people who don't like cold weather. But I absolutely despise winter. And this winter, my first in New Mexico, has seen record-setting cold temperatures. I'm not alone; this massive blast of arctic air hit people in 30 states. People are fed up with snow and cold, even in areas that are used to this kind of winter.

I never have liked winter. As a child living in the Chicago area, I used to watch the Rose Parade on New Year's day and dream about some day living in California, so envious I was of the people in short sleeves watching the parade in person. Then I was spoiled by living in California for 27 years, albeit in cooler northern California. I also spent three years in Texas. Both places had spates of 'cold' weather during winter, but nothing remotely close to the -7 we experienced in early February. Two towns in New Mexico had the lowest temperatures in the U.S., at 36 and 34 below zero. The gas company can't even supply enough natural gas to all the homes in the state, so thousands of people have been without heat for several days. I'm lucky, I guess, to heat my home with propane from my own (rented) tank.

I can deal with snow, as we usually don't get a large amount and it generally melts in a few days. But highs in the low teens? I hate it. The sun is shining brightly, and I keep thinking I should go outside for a walk. But it's too miserably cold.

Look at this picture of the Sandia mountains. It's beautiful, isn't it? Glorious blue sky, snow-covered mountains, a low cloud bank. Beautiful indeed, but just looking at it makes me cold.

I'm not depressed, but I have lost interest in exercising. My choices are either walking on the treadmill inside my (unheated) garage and being bored stiff, or walking outside in the cold and wind. Some choice.

I don't ski, snowboard, ice skate or snowshoe. Why would I want to engage in activities that take place in the frozen out-of-doors? I love being outside, but not at the risk of frostbitten fingers or face.

Now I understand why bears and other animals hibernate. If I could, I would hibernate, too. Wake me up when the temperature hits 60, please.

Busyness

I ran across the word 'busyness' recently, in a sentence about all the 'busyness' that consumes our lives. The spelling caught my idea and started me thinking.

'Business' is commerce or a profession, while 'busyness' is 'lively but meaningless activity' according to one source. So regardless of whether or not we are in business, many of us are engaged in 'busyness.' I am recently retired, yet some days are full of busyness. I may be waiting for someone to make a third trip to diagnose a problem with my garage door, or spending countless time on the phone with a 'customer service'  representative. Whatever it is, busyness is time-consuming, unrewarding tasks that bring no sense of accomplishment.

Busyness can take over our lives and rob us of meaningful activity and interactions with friends and family. It can cause us stress and frustration. Busyness also can be a convenient substitute for self-reflection. We can tell ourselves that we are "too busy" to really think about our future, about changes we want to make, or to plan enjoyable things we want to do.

The Web is full of suggestions for how to decrease the busyness in our lives, but the bottom line is eliminating the 'clutter' and distractions from our lives and focusing on people and things that are truly important. Simplicity is the key.

There is a great Web site that lists 72 ways to live simply:
http://zenhabits.net/simple-living-manifesto-72-ideas-to-simplify-your-life/
My favorite suggestions from this list include:

• Find inner simplicity. 
• Live in the moment.
• Learn to say no.
• Do what you love.
• Learn how to be a minimalist.
• Learn what 'enough' is.

These things aren't easy, at least for me. Before I moved last year, I got rid of a lot of stuff, and I gave away a car full of things after moving. Still, I am amazed at how much I still have.

It's really easy to be overwhelmed by electronic busyness, especially with all the social networking opportunities available through e-mail, the Internet, Facebook and Twitter, and the constant presence of 'smart' phones.

A common thread running through all of these 'simplify your life' suggestions is to learn to appreciate the necessities and avoid the excesses. A smaller house requires less energy to heat and cool, and less time to clean, than does a big house. How many pairs of shoes do we really need? Does our house really need four television sets? You get the idea.

But even if we can't adopt a minimalist lifestyle, or choose not to, we can work on finding inner simplicity. Take pleasure in the simple things: a walk on a nice day, a chat with a friend or relative, a good book. We can work on finding time in our lives for those people and activities that are most important to us. I love photography, so I have made a habit of not leaving the house without having at least a small pocket camera with me. I never know when I will see a beautiful scene, a rainbow, or an interesting animal. I have joined a photography group. I make time for photography because it is important to me.

I would add one more thing to the list above: Know what you need and what you want. This is a lesson I've been working on with my daughter. When she says she 'needs' something, I ask whether she needs it or wants it. Often she will correct herself when she says "I need" something. Lesson learned.

To quote a line from a Sheryl Crow song, "It isn't having what you want. It's wanting what you've got."

Living Retired

I'm a pretty unadventurous person, but since retiring, I am learning to be more adventurous and to do things I initially try to avoid. I'm also learning to be more spontaneous. A few recent examples come to mind.

• Another adoptive mom in Albuquerque invited me to go with her to Los Poblanos, a lavender farm, organic farm, B&B, fine dining and special events establishment in the small town of Los Ranchos de Albuquerque. I was just recovering from a head cold and hadn't slept much the night before, so I was thinking about begging off. But then I reminded myself that the last time I went to something I didn't really want to go to, I had a great time and a wonderful experience. So I went.

We were the only customers in the little unheated farm store, which was built in part of an old dairy building. The man working there was very knowledgeable about lavender and its medicinal benefits, and there were some nice photo opportunities, too.

After shopping, my friend treated me to lunch, and we sat and talked for nearly 2 hours.

• The next day, I had the chance to buy half-price vouchers for 2-hour horseback rides. It has been decades since I last went riding, and I was so sore the next day I could barely walk, so I'm sure I'll be even more sore this time. But this is something my daughter wanted to do, the price was great, and we will travel in a group of no more than four riders, plus a guide. We'll go once the weather warms up. Of course, I will take my camera along, too.

• One Sunday morning after my daughter got up, I asked if she would like to take a drive to Sandia Crest, the tallest peak in the Sandias at 10,678'. Although the temperature where we live (at about 5,300') was in the 40s, I knew it would be much colder at the top. We wore warm (or so we thought) clothes, and my daughter wisely wore her snow boots. The road to the top is 14 miles long, and it didn't take long before we saw snow on the sides of the road and among the trees. Then the clouds rolled in and the wind started howling. By the time we got to the top, there was no trace of sunshine.

The stairs to the observation area and gift shop weren't shoveled, but we managed to make our way to the top, slipping on the icy snow and at some points sinking up to our knees. I immediately regretted my decision to wear athletic shoes instead of snow boots. Once at the top, we continued on to the observation platform. The gorgeous views of the forest and city in the distance were completely obscured by blowing snow and low clouds. And it was cold! So we made our way back to the car through the parking lot and headed down the hill.

We then decided to drive part of the Turquoise Trail that runs between Albuquerque and Santa Fe, stopping in the little town of Madrid. We visited a couple of shops, took some pictures, and headed home. It was a fun day with my daughter. And it felt good to have decided to do something on the spur of the moment.

• Most recently, my daughter wanted to go bowling with one of her friends and her father. I haven't bowled in probably 30 years or more, and I've been having pain in my right arm. But I didn't want to be a spoil-sport. We bowled two games, and I had a high score of 136 -- including four strikes. Then the dad took us all to dinner. So it was a nice evening and a lot of fun.

I have realized that the more I do things about which I am hesitant, or act spontaneously, the easier it becomes to say 'yes' and get out and do new and fun things. I haven't been disappointed yet. These actions aren't anything unusual for many people, but they are big changes for me.

I don't want to 'be retired.' That is too passive an expression. To me, it indicates an existence, not a life. Instead, I want to 'live retired.'

I am free of the daily grind and schedule of working at a paying job, so I am retired from work. But I never want to retire from life.

Having Too Much Fun!

Did you ever have a weekend chock full of fun activities? I recently did. And because this kind of thing doesn't happen to me very often, I was just glowing when the weekend was over.

No, there is no new man in my life. But this was such a great weekend anyway, with a variety of fun activities.

One Friday afternoon, my new digital SLR, a Canon T2i, arrived. It takes fabulous pictures, without a flash, even under very low light. That evening, my daughter celebrated her 17th birthday by taking her boyfriend and another couple from school to dinner. I ate at a nearby restaurant to give them some space to just hang out without an old lady hovering nearby. Then we came home and the kids watched a movie. They then had cheesecake, and I lit a big fire in the fire pit in our back yard. The kids sat outside by the fire, snuggling under warm blankets. My daughter later commented that it was her best birthday party ever.

Saturday my daughter and I spent the afternoon in Santa Fe, starting with a stop at our favorite Native American-owned shop, where we each got a new turquoise and silver ring. Then it was on to the plaza for some browsing, a late lunch and a lot of photography with my new, very awesome camera.

Sunday we drove to the Wanagi Wolf Refuge east of Albuquerque for a couple of hours of interacting with the wolves and wolf dogs in residence. I took a ton of pictures. My daughter was given a special Christmas ornament filled with wolf fur (which she had plucked from Hokshila, the big timber wolf). I was given a framed poster collage of pictures of the rescued wolves and wolf dogs.

After a quick dinner, I headed off to Coronado State Monument in Bernalillo, to join a Meetup group for the annual winter celebration. It was a blending of Native American, Hispanic and Anglo activities. My camera was put to the test as I photographed some of the many farolitos (waxed brown paper bags, each with sand and a votive candle inside). The outside of the museum was decorated with lights, Santa arrived, kids took a crack at a pinata, and then the crowd gathered around a blazing fire awaiting the arrival of Native American dancers from the nearby Cochiti Pueblo.

After watching several dances, I was cold and tired and headed home. I was disappointed with my pictures, although some of them were pretty good -- just not as good as I had hoped.

I can't believe how busy I am since I retired and moved to New Mexico. There is a long list of places I want to explore, many of them within driving distance of home. I have always been such a homebody, so it's surprising to see myself on the go so much of the time. It's also surprising to be having so much fun.

A therapist friend told me recently that it isn't uncommon to see retired people suddenly 'finding themselves' and becoming involved in new and fun activities. I am loving my new life since retirement. My father has often asked whether I regret retiring. My answer is always an unequivocal 'No.' There is nothing about my job that I miss with the exception of one friend with whom I went walking every day during lunch.

There is so much natural beauty, so many historic sites, so many places to discover and photograph. I think I'm going to be having fun for a long, long time to come.