Thankfulness

I love Josh Groban. He has such a magnificent, rich voice. And his songs seem to have more depth than the usual pop-song drivel. When I heard the song 'Thankful' from his new Christmas album, the lyrics really hit home. 

"Some days, we forget to look around us.  
Some days, we can't see the joy that surrounds us.  
So caught up inside ourselves, we take when we should give.
So for tonight we pray for what we know can be,  
And on this day we hope for what we still can't see.
   
It's up to us to be the change. 
And even though we all can still do more,
There's so much to be thankful for."

This song, which I first heard on-line on Thanksgiving evening, reminded me that the spirit of Thanksgiving should not be limited to just one day. Rather, that spirit should pervade and guide our lives, our thoughts and our actions every day. 

NBC News reported on a scientific study that showed that people who have 'an attitude of gratitude' are happier than those who do not. Gratitude, or thankfulness, does indeed make for a happier person. I know this from personal experience. 

It's very easy to dwell on what we don't have -- a fancy car, a vacation home, physical beauty -- and to overlook what we do have -- a reliable car that gets us where we need to go, a home that keeps us warm and dry, inner peace.

As I write this, it's 20 degrees outside. I hate cold weather; it makes me miserable and cranky. Yet here I am, snug and warm inside my house, in a fleece robe, drinking hot vanilla cinnamon tea. The sun is shining; my daughter is asleep; my dogs are snoozing. My world is still quiet. I have had a couple of hours to myself.


I guess it's a sign of getting older, and perhaps wiser, but I am so much more aware of the things in my life for which I am, and should be, thankful. Whoever it was who first said "Count your blessings" was a wise person indeed.

On Writing

I have been doing quite a lot of writing lately. I've enjoyed writing since I realized I had some talent in that area during middle school, and I worked on my middle school's student newspaper. After a hiatus from writing except as required for school, I worked as the director of communications for a large California humane society for 8 years; in addition to serving as editor, I did much of the writing and photography for that publication. I even got a couple of awards from the Dog Writers' Association of America. I also wrote a column for the local newspaper (unpaid) while in grad school.

I worked in NASA public affairs as a public affairs officer and manager for many years. But that writing was constrained by far too many 'guidelines' and limits to actually serve as a creative outlet. The best part of that job was being able to write for a now-defunct NASA publication, without the usual limits and restrictions. The publication ended its run after just a couple of years for budget reasons. That was a real loss, as many believed that this magazine was the best tool NASA had for reaching out to a general, non-technical audience.

A couple of years ago, I was asked to co-author a book with a therapist who specializes in attachment issues. The subject: My experiences raising an adopted daughter. I have written more than 150 pages so far. I started this blog about a year ago. I have only a dozen 'followers,' but the number is growing slowly and I have readers from more than a dozen countries.

Now, I am feeling called to do more and more writing. I would love to have my writing published somewhere, or at least to have a wider readership. Someone asked me several months ago what I did, and my reply -- "I'm a writer" -- startled me. I thought to myself, "Where did that come from?" I had never up to that point thought of myself as a writer. Yes, I wrote as part of my job, but was I really a writer? I have had articles published in a variety of niche publications, in addition to the newspaper column. But I have never been paid to write.

I enjoy writing when I am inspired to write. I'm not looking for a writing job with deadlines and requirements for articles of a certain number of words. I enjoy writing about whatever appeals to me at the time, using as few or as many words as I think appropriate.

Writing is such a wonderful emotional outlet, and I love manipulating words and sentences until they feel 'just right.' I don't have a lot of creativity, and I don't think I could ever write fiction or poetry. But I absolutely love writing about things that are important to me, things that move me, and experiences I have had.

I don't for a minute believe that what I write about is world-changing, and I don't have the pomposity to think that my writing is on a par with John Steinbeck, Jack London, Tony Hillerman (my favorite author) or other real writers.

Still, people tell me they find my writing uplifting and inspiring. They enjoy reading this blog, and I hope our book, if it ever gets published, will be helpful to others struggling to deal with the emotional baggage of an adopted child.

So until I get 'discovered' as a writer, I will continue putting my words into this blog and hope that maybe someday, when I say "I am a writer," that statement will actually be true. Until then, I hope that my musings will inspire, or at least entertain, my handful of readers.

Giving Thanks

It's that time of year again. The nights are cold, the leaves have turned a beautiful gold, the sky is a crisp blue, and the sun sets early. Stores have already rolled out their Christmas campaigns. One Albuquerque radio station started playing nothing but Christmas music on Nov. 1. I love Christmas music and I own probably 40 Christmas CDs, with everything from saxophone music to acoustic guitar, New Mexican, brass, the Mormon Tabernacle Choir and many other styles. But I refuse to listen to Christmas music for the next seven or eight weeks.

First, I want to enjoy the beauty of Fall and the blessings of Thanksgiving, a holiday that increasingly gets lost in the pre-Christmas hysteria. I confess to having bought some ingredients for my traditional fudge and Christmas cookies, but only because the items were on sale. And I won't be baking until the Thanksgiving holiday is finished.

This year, which has brought many significant changes in my life, I have so much for which to be thankful. My daughter is home and doing well after living in a residential center in Utah for nearly a year. In June, we moved to our fabulous house in New Mexico, with awesome views of the Sandia Mountains.

I have joined several Meetup groups and I have gone hiking several times, as well as visiting the site of an old Puebloan compound, with other interesting activities scheduled for the rest of this year. I have ramped up my interest in photography, in a place that offers limitless opportunities to take pictures. One morning I got up and drove a scant 5 miles to an area that is home to hundreds of cottonwood trees shimmering gold in the brilliant sunshine against a crystal blue sky. I was greeted by the friendly waves of a group of Native Americans as I drove through their pueblo. I am surrounded by the harsh natural beauty of the high desert. I live less than an hour's drive from the unique and beautiful city of Santa Fe. I attended the Albuquerque International Balloon Fiesta, which featured more than 500 hot air balloons. I have volunteered at a couple of events with the Wanagi Wolf Fund and Rescue, getting to meet and interact with its amazing resident wolves and wolf dogs.

The current economic downturn has had little effect on me. My investments have increased by more than 4% this year, I received a buyout from my job with the federal government, and I have health insurance, which millions of Americans don't have. And unlike so many others, I have no debt. Not having a monthly mortgage payment is a wonderful feeling.

I am healthy, and although I no longer run, I have walked nearly 1,200 miles this year. I discovered a great rural road on which to ride my bike. My hips still hurt much of the time, but not so much that I have had to give up walking, hiking and bicycling. Since summer 2009, I have lost 15 pounds and my blood glucose levels have returned to normal. My blood pressure and resting pulse are excellent, and I am not afflicted with any of the problems that beset so many people of my age.

I continue to enjoy writing this blog (although it would be nice to have more people read it!) and working on my book, which allows me to pursue one of my favorite activities, non-fiction writing.

Last year, I didn't bother with a special Thanksgiving meal, as I was alone on the holiday. This year, my daughter and I will share a traditional turkey dinner, although she far prefers the stuffing and potatoes to the turkey. But the important thing will be spending the holiday together in our new home.

Although living with a teenager can be a challenge, with all the drama and mood swings that age brings, we have a good relationship and she recently commented to a friend that she can talk to me about anything. I am grateful that we have such a good relationship. And I am blessed to have such a wonderful daughter. She has come so far since her traumatic childhood in Russia.

A cyberfriend has suggested thinking of one thing every day for which we are grateful from now until Thanksgiving. That's a great idea, and one I hope to implement. I have so very many things for which to be grateful this year, and I am more aware than usual of my blessings.

I want to share my good fortune with those not as fortunate. I have started buying canned goods to donate to the annual food drive, and my daughter and I both have coats we plan to give to the winter coat drive. Albuquerque winters are bitterly cold, and I much prefer giving our unwanted coats to people who can really use them, to leaving them hanging in a closet. One of my coats belonged to my mother. I have it for sentimental reasons, but I believe that she would prefer that it go to someone who really needs it. She was that kind of woman. Sharing our good fortune is the least we can do when we have been so richly blessed.

I have feelings of peace and happiness I don't ever remember having. I love New Mexico and my new life here. Life is good. When I sit down to Thanksgiving dinner this year, I will be more mindful than ever of the many blessings in my life.

Lessons From My Dogs

Others have written about what we humans can learn from dogs. But I thought it would make an interesting topic for this blog, too.

What can our dogs teach us? I was watching my dogs thoroughly enjoy themselves as they explored the back yard, rolled in the grass and enjoyed the sunshine. So I started thinking about the lessons I have learned from my dogs over the years.

Rejoice whenever you see a loved one again.

Take time to stop and explore the wonderful world around you.

Greet everyone with a wagging tail (or in our case, a smile).

Get up every morning excited to start a new day.

Be loyal and faithful.

Forgive readily and don't carry a grudge.

Find pleasure in the simple things, such as a walk, a snooze in the sun or a roll in the grass.

Never pass up the opportunity to run and play.

Be silly once in a while.

When someone you care about is sad or upset, stay close to them.

Don't bite if a growl will suffice.

If someone is bothering you, walk away.

Never pass up an opportunity to show people you love them.

Don't forget to play with your toys.

Don't worry about tomorrow.


Is it any wonder that dogs have been human companions for some 15,000 years? They cannot speak with words, their lives are short in comparison with ours, they can't invent things or create beautiful literature and art. But oh, the lessons they can teach us.

Enjoy your life.

The Benefits of Being Positive

I got a comment in response to one of my recent blog posts that my "posts are always so positive." I took that as a real complement, as being more positive is something I've been working on.

I always considered myself a fairly negative person, although it isn't something I gave much thought to. But my daughter commented to someone that she thought I was a positive person, always encouraging her to be positive, to try her best, to never give up, to see the good in a situation. Then that person told me that she, too, thought I was a positive person, seeing the humor in even dark situations and never giving up no matter how desperate, challenging or seemingly overwhelming the situation in which I found myself.

So I started thinking: If these two people think I have a positive attitude, maybe I really do. Is it possible that I had had a distorted or inaccurate view of myself all these years? I also realized that I use humor -- albeit a dry sense of humor -- to lighten the mood and help me deal with stressful situations. This was totally unconscious on my part. I didn't think "I need to make a joke about this to relieve my stress." I wasn't even aware that I was using humor to reduce my stress. Apparently I did a good job of finding humor, as my friend has told me that on more than one occasion, she was reading a message from me while driving (not a good idea), and started laughing so hard she had to pull over to the side of the road.

It's much easier to be negative and to complain than to be positive. It's easier, but it takes more energy and a far greater toll on me psychologically. I have reached the point in my life where I don't want to be around people who are always negative. It is so emotionally draining. Sure, I am negative sometimes, I whine and I complain and I have bad days. But I don't do this a lot, and I am aware when I do this and I make a point of stopping before it gets out of control.

I am amazed at how much our thinking and attitude influence our outlook on life. I have a saying on my computer monitor that asks "Who's in Charge?" People at work used to think this question referred to "Who's in charge?" of the office or the department. No, it was simply a reminder to me that I am in charge of how I feel, how I react, and of which emotions are most prevalent in my thinking at any given time. The quote is from a book by psychologist Wayne Dyer, Gifts from Eykis, a book about self-discovery.

It's really easy to be negative. But I find that when I am negative about something, my entire outlook goes south. It is so easy to generalize a negative feeling about one thing, and suddenly I'm negative about everything. Drivers are more stupid, traffic more frustrating, commercials more annoying, and I seem to hit every red light in town. Nothing goes right. I have to stop myself before I dig a hole that takes a lot of work to get out of. Self-pity does not become me at all.

These days, I try to make a point of "looking on the bright side" as much as possible. I'm not always successful, of course, but I do try. Sometimes, such as when I had a recent health scare, it is nearly impossible to be positive. But keeping busy and not focusing on the 'what if' scenarios helped a great deal.

Since my move to New Mexico, I am making a conscious effort to appreciate the natural beauty around me. Even on a rare 'down' day, I can find something positive: sighting a road runner, a beautiful desert plant, the gorgeous azure New Mexico sky.

I have been an advocate of self-discovery and personal growth for several years. I've taken day-long and weekend classes in how to discover the 'true' me, and how to let my true light shine. Taught by a woman with a Ph.D. in psychology, these were not just 'feel good' classes. They led to actual changes in me, in my thoughts and in my actions.

I think self-discovery is so important to our growth as humans. Every so often, we need to step back and take a fresh look at ourselves. As I learned, our image of ourselves can be very incorrect or out of date. I lived for decades thinking I was a negative person, when in reality, I'm just the opposite. How my self-image got so off base I don't know. I guess it doesn't really matter. What matters is that I now have a more accurate picture of myself. And that updated self-knowledge feels good.

I don't like getting negative or critical feedback, but I have found it useful to ask someone I trust a great deal about both my positive and negative traits. Honest, constructive feedback has proven useful in identifying areas that need improvement, and in motivating me to make changes, no matter how small. It's exciting and rewarding to make positive changes, to grow and develop myself, to reach out in new directions.

Even at my age, change is not only possible. It is rewarding and empowering!

Hozho

Hozho. It's a Navajo word that often is translated as harmony . But to the Navajo, this word cannot be translated so simply. Its true meaning, complex and multi-layered, reflects a state of being one with the world.

I ran across this word recently while reading a book by my favorite author, the late New Mexico author Tony Hillerman. Not speaking Navajo, I don't have a good sense of the depth of meaning of the word. But harmony is a start.

Hozho also has been defined as beauty, order, truth, balance, and clarity of action, thought and thinking. It is the way traditional Navajos strive to live their lives. Those who are 'in hozho' feel that their lives are in harmony with their environment, at one with the world around them. Those who are 'in hozho' walk with beauty, perfectly balanced and in tune with the world, yet still a unique part of it. Traditional Navajo life is focused on obtaining and maintaining hozho. The Navajo respect and honor the natural world, and they are mindful of its importance to their own well-being.

When hozho is lost, the Navajo hold a ceremony to restore themselves to balance and harmony. As Hillerman wrote in Sacred Clowns, "The system is designed to recognize what's beyond human power to change, and then to change the human's attitude to be content with the inevitable." I admire the fact that the Navajo acknowledge that there are some things beyond their power to change; instead, they learn to accept what they cannot change.

It seems to me that hozho is something that is seriously lacking in our world. Modern society is so out of balance with our environment, with nature, with ourselves. We clearcut forests, we pollute the air and the water, we build homes in areas without the resources to support still more people. We take over the habitat of other animals, then we complain when they wander into "our" neighborhoods in search of food. New Mexico is considering an 80 percent increase in the number of black bears to be killed each year because they are becoming 'pests.' A similar fate may await female cougars, in an attempt to reduce the number of animals able to reproduce and add to the 'problem.' Yet we continue to build in the bears' and cougars' habitat, and to graze sheep and cattle in the animals' traditional hunting grounds.

I live in the high desert of New Mexico, where water is always in short supply. Yet wherever I drive, I see bone-dry, sagebrush-covered land being cleared for more new homes and businesses. Vacant land is plastered with 'land for sale' signs. New roads are being constructed. Where will the water to support thousands of new residents and businesses come from? A system woefully out of balance now will only become more unbalanced in the future. How do we restore balance to a world out of control, where nothing seems to matter except pursuit of ever more profit? How do we balance human greed with the environment's need for protection?

The 1/2-acre lot next to mine is still undeveloped, although it is for sale for $95,000. How I wish I could purchase that scrub-covered lot to protect it from development. I know that in better economic times, that lot, and numerous others in my area, will be sold and a large house built on each one. It saddens me greatly to see the never-ending drive for 'development' of our open spaces.

I would like to think that a Navajo ceremony could restore hozho to our world, but I don't have faith that balance can be restored. We humans are taking from Mother Earth in quantities that cannot be sustained, whether it be water, land or resources. And we are 'giving' our planet endless pollution in the form of trash, greenhouse gases and environmental disasters.

Harmony or balance is something I, like many other individuals, seek in life. I seek to live in harmony with the natural world. I try to limit my impact on the environment by recycling, by not buying unnecessary items, by using my own bags when I shop, by driving a hybrid vehicle. Yet my small efforts seem so insufficient and useless when confronted by the never-ending building and construction I see going on around me.

The Navajo approach to life is expressed in the following prayer:

In Beauty May I Walk

In beauty may I walk.
All day long may I walk.
Through the returning seasons may I walk.

Beautifully will I possess again.
Beautifully birds . . .
Beautifully joyful birds.

On the trail marked with pollen may I walk.
With grasshoppers about my feet may I walk.
With dew about my feet may I walk.

With beauty may I walk.
With beauty before me, may I walk.
With beauty behind me, may I walk.
With beauty above me, may I walk.
With beauty below me, may I walk.
With beauty all around me, may I walk.

In old age wandering on a trail of beauty, lively, may I walk.
In old age wandering on a trail of beauty, living again, may I walk.

It is finished in beauty.
It is finished in beauty.


What can we do to get our world back 'in hozho'? Will we ever be able to 'finish in beauty,' or have we already reached the point of no return?

What Would You Do if You Weren't Afraid?

"What would you do if you weren't afraid?"

I love this quote from the book Who Moved My Cheese?. This little book presents, in simple terms, a guide to dealing with unexpected change and the fear of the unknown that often paralyzes us and keeps us from reaching our goals.

I usually don't let fear or the 'what ifs' deter me from doing something I want to do. When I was offered the opportunity to live and work in Moscow for 3-1/2 months, some people I know worried that I would be taking too much risk, that I would be beset by Gypsy children, or that something else terrible would happen to me. Sure, I had heard stories about Westerners being mobbed by Gypsy children; I know a guy to whom this happened. But I wasn't going to let the fear of something that might happen rob me of the chance of a lifetime. So I accepted the invitation and I had a great time. I had experiences few will ever have: working in the Russian Mission Control Center, visiting the Gagarin Cosmonaut Training Center and a space museum operated by one of the Russian space powerhouses and not open to the public. This wasn't just a 2-3 week business trip to Moscow, which I made both before and after the more lengthy trip. I actually lived in an apartment, shopped in local stores and talked with average Russians. I was careful and used common sense when I explored Moscow; I didn't walk alone at night, I walked with confidence, I kept my camera and money out of sight. And of course, the fact that I speak Russian increased my comfort level. If I had given in to the 'what ifs', I wouldn't have taken advantage of this great opportunity. And I would have missed so much.

Last September, while looking at houses on the Internet, I spotted a house in New Mexico that had everything I was looking for. I couldn't believe my eyes. After a hastily arranged 1-day trip to Albuquerque, I returned to California and a few days later made an offer on the house. My offer was accepted, and I soon found myself the owner of two homes. After an initial bout of panic at the thought of paying mortgages, insurance and property taxes on two properties, I realized that I was meant to own this house. It was just too perfect to pass up.

I didn't let fear stop me from pursuing my dream house. Although I had to postpone my retirement by six months, everything fell into place. I qualified for a 'buyout' offer and I was paid for more than 250 hours of unused vacation time. I had to dip into my savings, but when the dust settled and I finally sold my house in California, I had a nice bit of money to add to my savings. Best of all, I got the house I wanted in a place I love.

Perhaps the most notable thing I did despite my fear and the warnings of others was to adopt my daughter, at the time an 11-year-old orphan from Russia. I was single and had no other kids. I had no idea how I would raise a child, much less one from another country. There were times I questioned my sanity in adopting her. We went through some very rough patches for a couple of years. But I felt that we were meant to be together. We both knew it within a couple of days of our first meeting. So, despite serious fears on my part and misgivings from family and friends, I decided to proceed with the adoption. To my surprise, the adoption process that typically took 6 to 9 months took fewer than 4 months. I believe this was meant to be. Had I let my fear of the unknown or the 'what ifs' hold me back, I would not now be sharing my life with my beautiful, sweet, kind daughter.

There was one time when I let fear hold me back. I wanted to become a veterinarian, but my fear of the required math and science courses kept me from even trying. That is a decision I have always regretted.

How many opportunities, how much happiness, how many new experiences, do we miss out on because we let our fear control us? I don't make major decisions on a whim. I do a lot of research, and I give these decisions a great deal of thought. I gather facts, figures and information. I ask questions. I certainly consider the possible downsides and pitfalls. I listen to my gut as well. What does my intuition tell me? Then I make an informed decision. One friend has said she enjoys watching me work through everything to reach a decision, and she is impressed by the speed with which I decide on something. I never set a deadline for myself; I decide when it feels right. If saying 'yes' doesn't feel right, I don't proceed.

I don't let fear rule my life. It bothers me when others dwell on the 'what ifs' and things that could go wrong. I can't worry about everything that might happen. If I did that, I would be paralyzed with fear and inaction. I would miss wonderful opportunities. I would be too afraid of life to actually live.

So ask yourself, What would you do if you weren't afraid? Allow yourself time to reflect on this question, and on your answer. Life is short, too short to waste it in fear.