It Is What It Is

I saw an ad on Facebook a while ago that asked a simple question: "When was the last time you relaxed?" I don't remember what product or service the ad was touting, but I thought it did pose an interesting question.

It isn't easy for me to relax, and it never has been. My mind often races as I think about things I 'should' do or need to do. Although I am retired, I often don't feel relaxed. There is always a list of chores to be done, whether mowing the grass, raking leaves, waiting for a service person, making repeated phone calls to deal with a problem, needing to schedule an inspection, or something.

But on a recent trip to Africa on safari, I actually did feel relaxed. Much of the time I had no cell phone service, no Internet and no Wi-Fi. There were no televisions or radios in the tented camps where I stayed, and I never saw a newspaper. Surprisingly, after an initial period of adjustment, I really enjoyed being disconnected from society. I admit to feeling a bit stressed when an ATM in Kenya ate my debit card, but even then I kept repeating my new mantra, "It is what it is."

I used this phrase numerous times throughout the trip as I adjusted my western way of thinking to the slower pace of African life. I was powerless to change the way things were done, so I figured I might as well just accept it and go with the flow. It is, after all, what it is. Many of the tented camps where I stayed got their electricity from generators or from solar energy. As a result, electricity was only available for certain hours of the day, typically early in the morning and then again from late afternoon until midnight. Because there was nothing to do in my tent after dinner, and the lights were too dim to permit reading, I got in the habit of going to bed early and arising when the sun came up. This, I realized, put me in tune with the natural cycle of things. This wasn't a bad way to live, I decided.

Some of the roads were horribly bumpy and rutted, but my traveling partner and I simply said "It is what it is." It was the price we had to pay for getting to experience Africa 'in the bush' and see so many amazing wild animals up close. I know we were both really tired of being accosted by swarms of Maasai villagers every time our vehicle stopped for fuel or a park permit as the people thrust their arms through the windows and tried to get us to buy their jewelry. But "it is what it is." They are a poor people, and they were simply trying to get some rich Americans (in their eyes) to buy some jewelry from them.

I decided "It is what it is" is a pretty good attitude to have when dealing with things over which I have no control, especially when visiting a foreign culture where things may not move at the pace to which we Americans are accustomed.

So I shall try to slow down, relax and not stress over things so much. After all, "It is what it is."

Learning from the Past

Earlier this year, I took an 11-day trip to central Europe. It was a whirlwind of activity, as the group visited Warsaw, Krakow, Budapest, Bratislava, Vienna and Prague.

I enjoyed visiting these cities and their wealth of history. One of the things that struck me was how old these cities are. In Prague, for example, our guide noted that the 'new old town' grew up near the hilltop castle in the 14th century. It wasn't uncommon to visit churches, castles and palaces that were hundreds of years old.

This blog isn't a typical travelog, no mere recounting of the beautiful old European cities we visited. Visiting these countries also really brought home the horrors of World War II. Until this trip, I had only studied World War II in school and watched a variety of television programs about the war and the Holocaust. Warsaw, for example, was 85 percent destroyed by Allied and Russian bombing during the war. Very little of the original city survives. This trip made the war seem much more relevant. Although my father was a U.S. sailor fighting both the Germans and the Japanese during World War II, I was born after the war and until this trip had no first-hand knowledge of its atrocities.

In several of the cities on the tour, we visited monuments and buildings related to the Holocaust. Our Warsaw hotel was in the area of the former Jewish ghetto. We visited monuments to those slaughtered in the Holocaust and we stopped by the soon-to-be-opened Museum of the History of Jews in Poland. In Budapest, we visited the local Holocaust museum, gazing in horror at the list of names inscribed on walls near the exit. We walked through the old Jewish quarter in Prague. We saw evidence of the worst of humanity.

We visited the death camps at Auschwitz and Birkenau, looking in quiet horror at a room filled with human hair from just some of the victims of the Holocaust. There were displays filled with eyeglasses, cookware, hair and shaving brushes, shoes, toys and suitcases taken from those sent to the death camps. We saw an early model of a crematorium, as well as the 'standing room' where those who had committed some infraction of camp rules were forced to stand with three other people in a room the size of a phone booth. After each night of standing in the cell, inmates were forced to do another day of hard labor until they died. In the 'starvation room,' prisoners were locked away until they died of starvation.

Rows of bunks remain in many of the buildings at Birkenau.

We also saw evidence of some of the best of humanity. We visited a Hungarian memorial to Raoul Wallenberg, the Swedish diplomat who risked his life to save countless Jewish residents of Warsaw. The Raoul Wallenberg memorial park in the courtyard behind the synagogue holds the Memorial of the Hungarian Jewish Martyrs, in memory of the at least 400,000 Hungarian Jews murdered by the Nazis. The memorial is a 'tree of life,' a metallic weeping willow with each leaf engraved with the name of one of the 5,000 victims of the Holocaust buried nearby.

Budapest's Tree of Life, behind the Great Synagogue.

Schindler's factory in Krakow, Poland, still stands.

We stopped by the factory where Oskar Schindler employed Jewish workers in Krakow, Poland, sparing some 1,200 of them from certain death at the hands of the Nazis. The building still has the original gates, and front windows contain black-and-white photographs of many of the factory workers. The apartment where Wallenberg lived during the war was just a few doors from my hotel. We walked through the former Jewish quarters of some of the major cities of Europe, wondering what life had been like for the residents before and during the Nazi reign of terror.

Original gates to Oskar Schindler's factory in Krakow, Poland

In Budapest, we visited the great synagogue on Dohany Street (the largest in Europe) and the adjacent Hungarian Jewish Museum. The synagogue was used as a base for German Radio and as a stable during World War II. It has been beautifully restored and once again serves as a house of worship.

Several in our group were Jewish, and I wondered how painful this trip must have been for them. It was sobering for all of us, even those like me who are not Jewish. Coming face to face with such evil, even nearly 70 years later, was almost too much to bear.

I have friends who are Jewish, a friend who is Muslim, and many who are Christian. Are not we more alike, regardless of our religious beliefs, than different?

Still we hear of other holocausts occurring in the world: in Iraq (against the Kurds) in the 1980s, in Bosnia from 1992-1995, and in Rwanda in 1994. Nothing has reached the magnitude of the World War II Holocaust, but I have to wonder, Have we not learned anything from the horrors of World War II?

Simple Pleasures

With a milestone birthday rapidly approaching, I realized that I need to pay more attention to life's simple pleasures.

So this morning, I took my cup of tea and my morning newspaper and sat outside at a little-used table near a large pine tree in my yard. The winds were calm and the temperature very pleasant. I used to sit outside and read the paper, but I got out of the habit for some reason. Today was a perfect day to start this simple activity again.

Yesterday I went hiking at Ghost Ranch, in northern New Mexico's beautiful red rock country. Although it was quite windy, the crisp blue sky was dotted with puffy white clouds, and the temperature was pleasant in the low 80s. This was another simple pleasure -- hiking and taking photographs -- that I too often dismiss.

Each of us has simple pleasures that brighten our lives. For some, it might be reading a great novel. For others, watching the sun rise and gradually brighten and warm the sleeping Earth. For me, other simple pleasures include:

• Spending a few extra minutes in bed
• Taking an afternoon nap
• Baking cookies from scratch
• Making a pot of homemade chicken noodle soup for my daughter
• Fresh, juicy blackberries and strawberries
• Doing a random act of kindness for a stranger
• Listening to my favorite music
• Driving with the sun roof open
• Taking a road trip by myself
• Going for a walk in a new place
• Listening to rain hit the skylights in my house (a rare pleasure here in the desert)
• Smelling the air after a rain
• Taking a great photograph
• Warm clothes straight from the dryer
• The smell of clothes dried on a line outside
• Watching my dogs roll in the grass, or joyously run through the yard
• The taste of a fresh, juicy peach
• The smell of a home-cooked (not microwaved) meal
• Fresh cinnamon rolls

These are just a few of the simple, inexpensive things I enjoy. The older I get, the more time seems to rush by. And the more important it is, for each of us, to find and enjoy our own simple pleasures.

A New Twist on the Ten Commandments

I didn't know that Native Americans have their own Ten Commandments, and some research has shown a couple of variations on the list. But these 10 principles certainly are something that people of every race and religion -- or no religion at all -- can learn from. I particularly like number 10.

So few people these days are willing to take responsibility for their actions. How many times do we hear about people who have been seen committing a crime, and who may even have confessed to it, enter a plea of 'not guilty' in court? I was brought up to take responsibility for my actions and to face the consequences. I have never been arrested or charged with a crime, but I hope that if that day ever comes, I would 'fess up' to my misdeed.

Admitting responsibility for a misdeed isn't easy, but neither is denying it. This is a lesson that every child needs to learn. I have taught my daughter that actions have consequences, either good or bad, and that she has to face them. I will not bail here out. Unfortunately, it seems that too often, children today are taught the opposite lesson. Nothing is their fault. Mom and dad will fix everything. Parents are incensed if their little darlings are caught doing something wrong. And many adults have the same attitude.

Take, for example, the guy in San Francisco attempting to burglarize a business. He fell through the skylight and was seriously injured. What did he do in response? He sued the building owners. Or the man who was electrocuted and killed while attempting to steal copper from a building? His family sued the owners of the building. Or the person who drunkenly killed three people by slamming into their stopped SUV at 70 mph, then sued the victims' family for medical bills and 'medical anguish'. When the victims' families sued the driver for their medical bills and mental anguish, they found that he had sold his assets to his parents a few weeks after the accident. Or my personal favorite: A Texas teenager from a wealthy family got no jail time for killing four pedestrians while driving drunk got probation because a psychologist testified that the boy has 'affluenza' and therefore believes he is immune from punishment.


The bottom line of these Ten Commandments, as with the original version, is to treat others, including the Earth, with respect. Own up to your mistakes. Don't be greedy. Be honest. Help those less fortunate. It usually takes very little time and effort to do the right thing. I believe that people who do the right thing are happier than those who think only about themselves, and I know our world would be a much nicer place if more people lived by these precepts.

Happy Mother's Day in Heaven

Today is Mother's Day 2014. And this year it's a somewhat bittersweet day for me.

My mother died some 7-1/2 years ago at the age of 80. This year more than most, I have found myself missing her a lot. I didn't see her often once I set out on my own and moved first to the east coast and later to California. I hope my daughter will be more considerate of me than I was of my mother.

Now that she's gone, I catch myself thinking "I bet Mom would like that" whenever I see a statue of a rooster. She had a collection of ceramic roosters in her kitchen, and I often wonder whether she would like one of the beautifully painted and decorated wooden roosters common in the Southwest. I also am reminded of her whenever I reach for one of the green mixing bowls I brought home after she died. She, like so many women of her generation, was an excellent cook. I still remember her wonderful homemade cinnamon rolls, her delicious post roast and her fried chicken dinners, which remain the best I have ever had. I have a couple of her old cookbooks and enjoy thumbing through them from time to time. How things have changed!

My mother was a beautiful young woman, with piercing blue eyes. As I have grown older, my resemblance to her (and to my maternal grandmother), is apparent. I inherited her small stature and her beautiful blue eyes, which have garnered me countless complements over the years. I think I also learned my sense of service from her. She was an active member of the ladies 'circle' at her church for decades, which met regularly for scripture study, socializing and service to those in need.

In honor of my mother on this special day, I am wearing a silver cuff bracelet engraved with flowers. My father bought it for her in 1945 or 1946, and it is the one thing of my mother's that I really wanted after her death. I didn't know about this bracelet until after she died, as we were going through one of her jewelry boxes. She was a very unpretentious woman who didn't care much for expensive jewelry or clothing.

So happy Mother's Day in heaven, Mom, from your very grateful daughter.

Finding the Silver Lining

My big, beautiful house is empty now ... too empty.

One of my dogs died last October at 15 years old. About the same time, my other dog was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor. She had to be euthanized just two weeks ago due to uncontrollable seizures. A few days after that, my 20-year-old daughter moved out to get an apartment with her boyfriend.

I am a quiet, private person. I value my privacy, and I've never had a problem being alone. I have always kept busy, either with household chores, yard work or volunteering. But I no longer volunteer with either of the non-profit groups I had helped on a regular basis for two years or more. I still take care of the house and the yard, but doing chores really isn't a fulfilling way to spend my days. I seldom feel bored, but that is exactly how I have felt the past couple of weeks -- bored and lost.

I know this feeling of  emptiness is only temporary. My travels will break up the boredom, and I am getting used to coming home to an empty house. And already, I am looking at adoptable dogs on the Internet. It may not be time to adopt just yet, but I know the time will come.

I also know that sometimes it takes these periods of darkness to make us appreciate the good times. If the sun was always shining, we would be less likely to appreciate a sunny day. If it always rained,  we wouldn't appreciate the rain when it falls.

Periods of darkness can offer an opportunity to learn -- about oneself and about the things we truly value. This isn't to say that I enjoy feeling sad and lost. It does, however, challenge me to find the positive in the situation. For example, after my dog died, I missed her terribly. Then I remembered a folder of photos on my computer. I looked through the pictures, pulled out my favorites, and posted them on my Facebook page. I shared with my friends pictures of Tia enjoying her life:

leaping into the air for a ball my daughter was holding, running through the yard, rolling in the grass, sleeping in the sun, wearing a wig and sunglasses. These pictures reminded me that while I missed Tia terribly, I could look back on her life and see how happy she was. We gave her 5-1/2 years of love and happiness, after she spent seven years in a puppy mill. I am sad that she suffered for so long, but grateful that she knew love.

I hope the feelings of sadness and loss are gone for a long time. But when they inevitably return, I hope I remember that inside each dark cloud there is, indeed, a silver lining.

Thirty Steps to a Happier Life

This will be a brief post, to share a link to an article that appeared on Facebook recently. Titled  '30 Things to Start Doing for Yourself,' the article lists a variety of actions and steps we can, and should, take to make us happier and more in tune with our true selves. So here is the link to the article:
http://www.lifebuzz.com/start-doing/#!Fr46C

I got a lot of good ideas from this article. What do you think?