Sticks and Stones

Let's talk about words. 

As a writer, I love words. I love finding just the right word for the situation. I love seeing how changing a single word can change the meaning and sense of a paragraph or sentence. 

I once had an argument with a guy on a trip about the use, and usefulness, of the Oxford comma. If you're not familiar with the Oxford comma, look it up. He would not let it go. At one point he wold me "Why don't you just admit that you're wrong?" I told him I wasn't wrong and I wasn't going to admit to being wrong. 

The argument continued for two days in our van. What this guy apparently didn't understand, or wouldn't admit, is this: There isn't really a right or wrong answer. It's a matter of interpretation, preference and training. As a professional public affairs officer for the federal govenment, I followed the guidance of the AP Stylebook. We did not use the Oxford comma. There is no right or wrong answer. It depends on which style guide the writer is following. As long as it is used or not used consistently, everything is fine.

Now back to words: Here are some words that too often are missing in our country:

Respect. Kindness. Empathy. Generosity. Honesty. Helpfulness. Morality. Compassion. Thoughtfulness. Community. Serenity. Gratitude. Generosity.

Aren't these great words? Aren't these attributes those to which we should aspire? 

Apparently not. Our society as a whole is sorely lacking in these 13 attributes. Instead, we live in a society marked by division, selfishness, immorality, greed, hatred and many other negative attributes. We live in a country where the highest elected officials in the nation use their words in negative, hurtful ways. Name-calling and using hateful, insulting words are the hallmark of far too many so-called leaders.

There have always been Americans who personify the worst human traits. But today's America is awash with the worst among us. Why is this? Why do members of the ruling party not only fail to work to help those they ostensibly represent, but actively work to hurt them by slashing programs that provide affordable health care and life-sustaining food? Why do they take glee in shutting down the government and threatening the jobs of tens of thousands of federal employees? Why? If there is money for a new, unnecessary ballroom in the White House, why is there no money for food or for education?

Why do people celebrate attacks on Jews or on people with skin darker than that of the white men who rule this country like a fiefdom? How can self-professed Christians act in so many ways antithetical to the teachings of the Christ they pretend to worship?   

Remember the old adage that "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?" That's just not true. Words can and they do hurt people. They can and they do hurt nations. Words can inflect significant emotional pain, as anybody who has been bullied will agree.

How about if we all pledge to regrain from using words that hurt?

Time To Stop The Killing

Two years ago today, the Palestinian terror group Hamas carried out a horrendous and unwarranted attack on a music festival in Israel. 

Some 1,200 innocent people, ranging from children to senior citizens, were slaughtered. The terrorists chased people down, either murdering or kidnapping them. They snatched local villagers from their houses. Countless people were taken hostage. Although many of the hostages either died in captivity or were killed by Hamas, several are still believed to be alive.

There is blame for the ongoing killing on both sides. Hamas continues to kill Jews, while Israel continues to bomb hospitals and refugee camps as it searches for Hamas fighters. Caught in the middle are the innocent people on both sides of the war.

Some hostages have been released, with Hamas getting hundreds of its imprisoned fighters returned in exchange for a handful of hostages. Surviving hostages report being abused, starved and kept in dark tunnels. Palestinians were told to evacuate their homes, and are now facing a second winter living in tents. Food is very scarce, with starvation a real possibility.

There are no winners in this war. Certainly the attacks were, and are, not justified.  Muslims live peacefully in Israel. There is no need for the slaughter. Israel has every right to defind itself. But Israeli forces seem not to care about the innocent people of Gaza they have killed.

So many innocent lives have been lost. It is past time for the killing to stop.

This Country Is A Mess

 ... and the mess is inflected by the so-called leaders of the nation.

People are hurting. They feel abandoned and ignored by their government. The regime is sending armed troops into cities run by Democrats, so now people are being attacked by masked military and law enforcement.

The country's federal government has shut down, and nobody knows how long it will remain that way. Federal employees, of which I was one for 23 years, are facing fuloughs, unpaid work status and possibly firings (although the president has no power to fire them). Millions of Americans face the very real prospect of losing their health insurance or of it becoming too expensive to afford. Millions of others face the loss of supplemental food. Citizens are incredibly divided and angry. I am extremely stressed.

But I read something online that made me think.

I don't know the author of the piece, but it inspired me and prompted me to write this blog post. The piece essentially calls on people to change things: to hold the door for someone, to spread kindness, to offer a smile, to be nice to others, to be patient, to pay for the coffee of the person in line behind them, and to let another driver go ahead in traffic.

You might wonder why you should go out of your way to do these smal things. What difference will a smile or a bit of kindness make, you might ask. 

Let me give you an example. A friend of mine is currently visiting Australia, a country where she lived for more than a decade, and a country she loves. Her husband is making the trip miserable. He is a native of Australia whom she helped get US citizenship. 

She messaged me recently about his behavior. I sent a message to her, expressing my sadness that he is spoiling her long-anticipated vacation. She replied that she appreciated my reaching out. And again, she thanked me for caring.

Did my brief messages salvage her vacation? Did they change her husband's attitude and behavior? Sadly, they did not. But we never know who really needs that smile, that word of encouragement, that complement, that bit of sympathy.

I am a very private person. I'm not particularly friendly to those I don't know. I'm not good at small talk. But these things I have mentioned are easy for most anyone to do. Tell a woman you like her jacket. Tell someone she looks good in the color she is wearing. Pay for the groceries of the person in line behind you. (I did that with a Native American woman in a wheelchair once, and she -- and the cashier -- were stunned by this small act of kindness. The Native woman had just a couple of items, so I asked the cashier to add her total to my groceries). 

Random acts of kindness can brighten the day of the giver as well as the recipient. Please join me in sharing kindness. Join me in looking for opportunities to be kind and supportive. Our broken world needs more kindness and more compassion. Practice being full of grace and patience and umderstanding. These things cost nothing. 

But their value and their impact can be incalculable.

Tired of Peopling

 I am tired of peopling.

I am tired of adulting.

I am tired of dealing with bots.

I'm tired of people. I'm tired of idiots who don't even know which side of the road to walk on as pedestrians when there are no sidewalks. I'm tired of people who think it's perfectly fine to toss their unwanted cans, bottles, mattresses and fast food trash along the road. I'm tired of people who blindly follow a lying, cheating, money-grubbing pedophile and believe every lie he tells them without bothering to fact check his claims. 

I read somewhere that AI believes that people who are tired of adulting are feeling overwhelmed by the burdens and responsibilitis, the monotony of routines and the pressure to conform. When my daughter was a teenager, she couldn't wait to be an adult, not have to go to school or have a mom set limits, etc. Now that she is a single mother of a 4-year-old son, she really knows that adulting isn't what she once thought it would be.

Being an adult comes with incredible responsibilities for most of us: having a job, worrying about money, taking care of a family, saving for the future, and dealing with the emergencies that invariably appear.

I have been retired for 15 years, and I'm still tired of adulting. Within the past month I have had to have my roof repaired ($2000) and have two large trees trimmed to prevent future roof damage ($1600). Estimated income taxes were just paid. I spent dozens of hours battling with an insurance company. There are three recall notices on my car, so it's going to spend time at the dealership next week to get those things taken care of.

I recently returned from a great trip to the Canadian Rockis national parks. I got to take lots of photos, and the weather was beautiful. But being part of a group of 24 travelers on a bunch, at meals, etc., really strained my limits. I skipped the group dinners two or three times so I could get a break from the noise and the crowd.  I had to do that for my mental health. The people were fine. There were just too many of them.

So yes, I am tired of adulting. I would love to sell my house and buy a place not too far away, on a couple of fenced acres where my dogs (plus a couple more) could run and play without the need for a daily walk. My dogs don't like other dogs, so having a safe place for them to run and explore would be wonderful.

Clinging To Life

I came across this image while going through thousands of photos on my laptop in search of good images that have been overlooked.

I posted it to my social media page with the title Clinging to Life. And this is precisely what this small pine tree is doing. It somehow managed to put down roots surronded by rocks somewhere in the red rocks of Utah.

Clinging to life is precisely what I and many other non-cult members are doing these days as we watch our democratic republic be turned into a country we no longer recognize. It is a country where all three branches of government -- executive, legislative and judicial -- have surrendered their authority to the whims of one person who is steadily marching us down the road to becoming a fascist nation.

We are holding on and trying to figure out how to navigate this new country as our fundamental rights are stripped away. We are trying to come up with money to buy groceries as prices seem to increase each week. We stand by as we watch our country pick fights with other, smaller nations as a prelude to a declaration of a national emergency.  

Life is stressful in this country for those who understand and reject what is happening. We don't want war. We don't want to stand by and watch Russia escalate its unwarranted war against Ukraine. We don't want to watch as Israel starves innocent people in Gaza as retribution for the actions of Hamas. We won't stand by as women's rights are stripped away, and as members of the LGBTQ community face still more discrimination. We are horrified as the dictator in the Whie House continues with his illegal power grab with the consent of the Congress and Supreme Court.

I Will Not

No, I will not 'chip in' some money because I signed a petition.

No, I will not review my visit to a physician.

No, I will not review my purchase of a package of dish cloths.

No, I will not sign a petition so the company or the nonprofit can then bombard me with emails. 

No, I will not donate to a GoFundMe for some random person.

No, I do not, and I will not, create an account.

No, I will not donate to any politician regardless of party.

No, I will not provide my e-mail address so I can get pricing information online.

What’s with all the requests for me to review a visit or a purchase? These things are always worded in such a way that negative responses are very difficult to make and very rare to add. I really doubt that my review of a package of dishcloths made in India is going to add value to anybody's shopping experience.

So please, stop bombarding me and everybody else with countless requests for money or reviews. Enough already.

Life Without

 I saw something online this morning, one day after conservative activist Charlie Kirk was murdered, that struck a chord.

The poster prayed that Kirk's death will serve as a wake-up call so that no more spouses, children, parents, relatives and friends will have to experience life without a loved one.

Just imagine if this prayer becomes reality. What if people didn't have to live life without .. food, shelter, education, security, personal safety, recognition (the kind we all need, not the kind celebrities crave), positivity and hope.

The only things people should be forced to live life without are scarity, fear, abuse, hunger, persecution and all the other things that we should no longer have to fear.

What a world devoid of life without wouold be. We can't create a world in which no one is forced to live a life without, but shouldn't we at least try?