The Saga of Singles

Do you know which group of people gets discriminated against, legally, all the time? 

Single people get discriminated against all the time. Want to take a trip? Prepare to pay hundreds if not thousands of dollars extra for a single supplement. Want to go out to eat? Just wait for the host or hostess to say "just one?"

Single people, in my experience, are likely to be given a tiny hotel room with barely enough room to turn around, usually located near the elevator or the ice machine, which means the room will be noisy. Going out to eat often entails the single person being seated at a table near the back of the dining area close to the kitchen. Again, a busy and noisy area. 

On a British Airways flight from London to Chicago a few years ago, as I handed my boarding pass to the gate agent, I was informed that my seat had been moved so a family could sit together. Rather than the aisle seat I had reserved months before, I found myself in a middle bulkhead seat adjacent to the onboard toilet. As you might imagine, after several hours of constant use, the toilet really smelled. 

When I got home I emailed British Airways about my terrible experience and wondered why my aisle seat that had been reserved for months was given to somebody else who didn't bother to plan ahead so the family could sit together. 

My first email was ignored. So I emailed again. I finally got a rather snarky response thanking me for all my emails and offering me a paltry voucher to use on another British Airways flight. It was useless, because I had no plans to fly on British Airways within the designated 12 months period. I now do my best to avoid British Airways and Heathrow Airport in London.

I have been single for many years. I also travel a lot. So I have experienced all forms of travel -related discrimination. I realize that the discrimination I have experienced is far less than the discrimination faced by ethnic and religious minorities in this country. But it is discrimination nonetheless, and it is perfectly legal. My property tax dollars help support local schools despite the fact I have no children in school. The argument is that having an educated population benefits all of society. That's great, but sometimes I feel that we singles are taken for granted.

Let's face it: the world is designed around couples. I think many people feel that there must be something wrong with single people. The expectation is that people should be married and have kids. I am happy being single and living by myself (except for my two dogs). 

I am not aware of any national organizations fighting discrimination directed at single people. So I guess we singles will have to put up with it if we plan to eat out or travel.

How Did We Get Here?

 How did we get here?

That's the question that kept me awake far into the night as I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling for 4 hours rather than sleeping.

How did the greatest democracy on the planet so quickly become a fascist-leaning, exclusionary nation run by a small group of oligarchs?

Just look at a few of the things that have happened this month:

• A 10-year-old American girl battling brain cancer was snatched, along with her parents (in the country illegally) as they headed to a doctor appointment. The family was deported.
• The Voice of America, which for the past 83 years has spread independent democratic journalism around the world, has been silenced by the current administration. Who gains from this silencing? Russia and China.
• Tens of thousands of federal employees have been fired without notice and without justification, all in the name of alleged 'fraud and waste.'
• Thousands of employees at the Veterans Administration, which provides healthcare to America's veterans, have been fired.
• Long-term department heads at the FBI, FAA and other agencies critical to America's safety have been forced out.
• The Department of Education is being shuttered, a step that supposedly requires congressional approval.
• All references to women, Blacks, Hispanics and Asians have been removed from numerous government web sites.
• References to the critical role played by Native American code talkers, whose use of their native languages played a crucial role in the fight against Japan in World War II, have been removed.
• Millions will lose or see drastic reductions in the Medicare coverage and food stamp benefits.
• Potentially life-saving research has been halted after funding was pulled.
• Information about the World War II Code Talkers -- Native American men who used their native languages to create a code unbreakable by the Japanese -- was removed from the Web by the Department of Defense "by accident". After a public outcry, it is being restored.

Apparently this administration believes that only white men are capable of making contributions in their chosen fields of expertise, rather science, the military or the law.

The hypocrisy, racism and misogyny of this administration are astounding. Evert day I wake up and wonder what new disaster awaits us.

Now the dictator-in-waiting and his cult members are claiming that judges have no authority and no right to challenge il duce's pronouncements and actions.

The question now is two-fold: What do we do next? And now do we get out of this mess?

Witness to Kindness

I was at the grocery store yesterday. Ahead of me was a woman with a cart loaded with food items.

I noticed a Hispanic man in line behind her, with only a carton of eggs. She told him he could go ahead of her, which he did. He thanked her, paid for his eggs, and as he left, he turned and thanked her again.

I commented to the cashier that it takes so little effort to do something nice for someone. She agreed that we need more acts of kindness in today's chaotic, anger-filled world.

I tell this story as a reminder that we all have the capacity to do something nice for others. 

What did her act of kindness cost her? Maybe a couple of minutes of her time. That's it. I believe letting that man go ahead of her in line brightened his day, as well as that of the cashier. And I was glad that I was able to  witness an act of kindness. 

So the question is, when doing acts of kindness is so simple, why are they so rare? Why don't more people do something nice for others with no expectation of reciprocity? Have Americans in the 21st century lost their ability to care about others? And why are some people so nasty?

For what possible reason could a member of Congress, calling on another representative in the House of Representatives, refer to her as Mr? The representative he insulted is a transgender woman. She's made no secret of that fact. So why did her colleague - - and I use that term loosely - - feel it necessary to call her Mr? When another member of the House asked the offender what he had just said, the first person repeated what he had said, calling the transgender woman Mr. The only reason I can see for this insulting behavior is to cause pain to the transgender person. Apparently the guy doesn't agree that transgender people are human and should receive the same respect as everyone else. 

That brings me to my second question. When and why did Republicans become so damn nasty? I do not understand the whole transgender thing, but I have no animus against transgender people. 

I used to work on occasion with a transgender woman. She used to be known as Steve, and she's now known as Stephanie. The fact that she is transgender is none of my business. I worked well with her, she was pleasant, she knew her job, end of discussion.

Why do so many Republicans, many of them self-professed evangelical Christians, feel it necessary or their right to be nasty to other people? 

For me, I will continue to look for opportunities to practice small random acts of kindness. 

In a world full of cruelty, be kind.

A Reminder to Be Grateful

Savor what you have. Savor what you have been given.

These inspiring words are courtesy of Linda Stager, a Pennsylvania blogger and photographer. I wanted a precise definition of savor, so I turned to an online source, which described it as "in psychology, savoring the moment refers to intentionally focusing your attention on the positive aspects of an experience." Bingo! That's precisely what I was looking for, 

Soon after reading Linda's words, I ran across this message from a couple of years ago by Lisa Karwoski.

Instead of complaining about the cost of things & knowing it’ll get worse, here’s a different mindset.

I crawled into a warm bed last night & I know where I’m sleeping tonight. There is a roof over my head & the house is warm. The fridge & cupboards have food. My pups are safe , fed, & happy. I turn on the tap & have clean water.

I am blessed. If I have to take less trips, walk a bit further, so be it. We are luckier than most people that we share this world with.

I think it's good to be reminded of how fortunate we Americans are, especially during these times of chaos and high prices. Yes, egg prices are soaring. But for most of us who don't own a bakery or a restaurant, that is a manageable inconvenience.

Think about the farmers whose entire flocks of chickens and ducks have died of bird flu. Think about the bakers struggling with the high price of eggs needed for their baked goods. Imagine the challenges they are facing. Some local restaurants have added a $1 surcharge to egg dishes. That is a small price to pay for those who can afford to eat out.

As I was spending a few extra minutes in bed this morning, enjoying my wonderful mattress and the bedding that keeps me warm, I appreciated the comfort and warmth available to me whenever I need it. I listened to the quiet breathing of my dogs as they slept nearby.

Then I got up and took my dogs outside for their first potty break of the day. I immediately complained about how tired I was of being cold (I detest cold weather). But I have closets full of coats, jackets and other warm clothes. The homeless who must spend cold nights outside aren't so lucky.

Breakfast is, and always has been, my least favorite meal. Which boring food should I eat this morning, I wondered. But unlike those struggling to buy food, I have a pantry filled with food. There are yogurt and eggs in the refrigerator. I have extra boxes of cereal (I buy it when it's on sale) in the garage. So while I don't like breakfast, it isn't because I have no food choices.

I need a reminder from time to time about how fortunate I am. So many in my country are struggling. So many have lost their jobs due to the actions of a deranged South African billionaire who thinks he is the answer to making America's government more efficient. He is not remorseful and he seems to have absolutely zero compassion for the people whose lives he has destroyed.

So thank you to Linda and to Lisa, neither of whom I have ever met, for the timely reminder to really savor all that I have been given.

Russian Reflections

While in high school, I studied Russian language for two years and Latin for fours years. 

My undergraduate degree is in Russian language, with a minor in Russian studies. Russian studies includes the history, geography, political system and other aspects of Russian society. 

I worked as a linguist for a very secretive American agency after graduation from college. 

I adopted my daughter from a Russian orphanage. 

I have been to Russia six or seven  times. 

I lived in Moscow for 3- 1/2 months while working in the Russian mission control center with NASA. 

I took my daughter back to visit her native country when she was 18 years old. We visited where her orphanage used to be; it is now used as a primary school. But we met with the former orphanage director, and some of the women who worked in the orphanage put together a very nice lunch for us.

I explored the beautiful city of St Petersburg one weekend. During my stay in Moscow, I spent every weekend exploring various parts of that very old city. I shopped at local markets. I bought fresh bread from a kiosk near my apartment building. I ate dinner at Russian restaurants and ordered from the menu. 

I used to, and really, I still do, feel sorry for the majority of the Russian people. The Russian people have been oppressed by a succession of leaders, from the tsars to the communists to Putin. There were a few years after the downfall of the Soviet Union when people were relatively free. But they were still very much influenced by life under the Soviets.

So I know a bit about Russia. I am still in contact with a couple of the interpreters I met while working in Moscow. One of them has been absent from Facebook since the war in Ukraine started. I know that she has a good friend in Ukraine. I still communicate from time to time with the woman who was the director of the orphanage where my daughter lived before I adopted her.

All of this is to say that I have no prejudice against the Russian people. I do, however, have a major problem with the Russian government. I have an even bigger problem with my own government, that of the United States, falling in line and taking orders from the Russian president, a long time dictator.

I also have a Facebook friend in Ukraine. While she doesn't live in Kyiv, she nevertheless is horribly impacted by Russia's unjustified was on her country.

I have no power over international relations, but I know more about Russia than most Americans ever will. And I know that the Russian people have risked persecution for even holding peaceful anti-war protests.

Russia is not a country whose government the United States should be emulating. Sadly, it appears we already are.

Don't Put Your Ignorance on Display

Some things require an immediate response.

This is one of those things. 

The level of stupidity among American adults is astounding. I realize that not everyone can get a college education. But I'm not talking about being able to discuss the theory of relativity. I'm talking about basic knowledge.

A Facebook friend this morning shared a short video that showed a large map of the world with the names of the countries omitted. A woman asked random people to identify one country -- any country. She also asked each person prior to the 'quiz' if he or she is a Republican. Each person said yes. Each person was unable to identify even one country. Even the United States, Canada and Mexico were a mystery to each person. I can't identify each and every country, but at least I know that Australia isn't Russia, as one person guessed. What happened to the study of geography? Is it not taught any more?

The other sign of rampant ignorance was on a post by the Sheldrick Wildlife Trust, a wonderful organization headquartered in Nairobi, Kenya. The photo showed a young elephant that had been rescued after its mother was killed. Young elephants, like young children, cannot survive on their own. The elephant was peering over the front door of the stockage where it spends the night, along with a keeper who feeds it every few hours, to keep it safe from hyenas, lions and other predators. 

"Let it out! was the comment by several people. Let it out where? In the center of downtown Nairobi? Let it out into the wild so it can be town apart while still alive by predators? My comment suggested that people might want to educate themselves before making stupid comments. 

If people are visiting the page of an elephant rescue group, and they see a photo of a young elephant inside a building, would it  not occur to them to guess there is a reason for the baby elephant to be there? Or these people could always ask why the little elephant is behind a door.

I don't know the nationality or residence of these people, but the ignorance and stupidity continues to astound me. It also explains why the world is in the shape it's in. As the saying goes, "I don't suffer fools gladly."

Random Acts of Kindness

Random Acts of Kindness Week runs from Feb. 14-20 this year.

Random Acts of Kindness Day falls during this week, on Feb. 17. 

This annual celebration reminds us to be a positive influence in each other’s lives. Maybe you don't know what you can do, but even one small act of kindness can mean a great deal to somebody. The world often is selfish and cruel. It seems to get more cruel all the time. And not everybody receives the kind and amount of support they need. 

So it is important for us to always be kind to one another and to give others hope whenever we can. A small, random gesture of kindness can go a long way.

I remember how, many years ago, a stranger paid for my groceries. I had just a few items costing roughly $15, and I could have paid for them with no problem. But it was such a nice feeling when he paid for them. I thanked him, and told him I would pay his kindness forward. 

And I did. I later paid for the groceries for a Native American woman in a wheelchair, and for the roses purchased by a young man. Another time I paid for the doughnuts of a man who protested repeatedly before he finally acquiesced and let me buy the doughnuts. Some people aren't comfortable accepting kindness from others.

Some people pay for the coffee of the person in line behind them at the coffee shop. Others let a driver go ahead of them, or pay a complement to a stranger. Still others pay for someone's grocery purchases or visit a nursing home. It can be whatever your heart tells you to do. I try to complement the dog/s of someone I see walking their dog. It might be something as simple as "What a beautiful coat your dog has." I don't know anybody who doesn't appreciate hearing a complement.

There is a cashier at the grocery store where I usually shop, and she has at times seemed grumpy. So the last time I was at the store, I told her I liked her jacket, which I did. It was a colorful Native American style. She thanked me, and then replied with a laugh, "You can't have it."  I told her I might take it when she wasn't looking, but that it was too small for me. We shared a laugh, and I hope our brief conversation brightened her day. Something as simple as making somebody laugh can be a great act of kindness.

I recently told a good friend that I am proud of her for deciding to relocate to Europe for a few months, possibly longer. This is something she has wanted to do for a while, she isn't happy in her current location and circumstances, and she is making the leap. She has purchased her plane tickets, another friend has offered to accompany her and take one of her two dogs on the flight (each passenger can take only one animal in the cabin), she has given her landlady notice, and she is packing her things for storage until she makes final plans.

You might make a donation to charity, or say hello to someone you pass on the street or in a shop. Volunteer to do something to help a person or charity, or spend extra time playing with your pet. Let your heart guide you.

The opportunities are endless, limited only by our imagination. The bottom line is to do something for others. Not only will the recipient of your kindness benefit, but you will as well.