Finding Freedom

I am enjoying a newfound sense of freedom.

My adult daughter recently left town without notice after stealing money from her employer. She didn't tell anybody where she was headed, although I had a pretty good idea. I worried myself sick until I realized that she is an adult, she makes her own decisions and she alone must face the consequences. This isn't the way I raised her to behave, but this situation is out of my control.

Initially I couldn't sleep (which is difficult even without the additional stress), my intestines were in knots, and the pressure in my eyes was elevated to the point where I had to start using eye drops to bring it down. So I increased my walking to 4 or 5 miles every day. Whenever I started to worry, I told myself to stop thinking about the situation and I forced myself to think about some of my favorite images from nature. This change in thinking worked, and my sleep returned to normal, as did my intestines. I won't know about the eye pressure until I get it checked later this month.

Once my stress level was under control, I became incredibly productive. I worked on several projects every day: cleaning house, doing yard work, exercising, and setting up my new photography Web site. I also did a lot of reading. My energy level soared. I actually feel lighter, no longer weighed down by worry.

Just because I don't worry about my daughter's situation constantly doesn't mean I stopped caring about her. It simply means that I started caring about myself. It means that I refuse to sacrifice my emotional and physical health worrying about something and someone over which I have no control. Until she gets help with her addiction and other mental health issues, I must of necessity maintain a healthy distance from her.

I never knew that distancing myself from toxic people could be so liberating. I am excited about my new photography venture (www.annsullivan.zenfolio.com). I am rediscovering images that have sat unseen on my computer for several years. I can see how much improvement I have made in my photography skills. I am learning two photo editing programs, and I love the results.

I hope that some day my daughter will return to the family as a healthy person. As her mom, I would love to reestablish the great relationship we once had. But until she acknowledges her addiction and gets serious about treatment, I refuse to allow myself to be taken advantage of any longer. I am really enjoying the sense of freedom and lightness I have discovered.