Has common courtesy become extinct?
Do parents no longer teach manners to their kids? I'm not talking about knowing which of three forks on the table to use first. I'm talking about simple basic manners: things such as saying 'please' and 'thank you.' Holding the door for the person behind you. Letting someone with two items check out of the store ahead of you with your cart full of groceries. And acknowledging the person who let you go ahead of them in line.
This came to mind recently after a couple of experiences. Someone helped me return a defective television set twice because the first replacement was also damaged out of the box. The set was too big to fit into my small car, so this person offered to bring his truck to transport the television to the store and bring the replacement home. He also set the television up for me. I thanked him in person, and I also sent a text message the following morning reiterating my thanks and appreciation. I never heard back, not even a "You're welcome" or "Happy to help."
Another person had asked me to send her a couple of cookie recipes that I make every holiday season. I scanned them, sent them via e-mail, and texted to let her know the recipes were in her in-box. Again, I heard nothing.
These are little things, granted, but illustrative of a definite lack of common courtesy among our society. I always thank someone who holds the door for me, or who lets me go ahead in a checkout line if I have only a couple of items. If somebody lets me into traffic, I acknowledge the kindness with a friendly wave.
If I do something for someone, I expect a 'thank you.' I don't expect an award or a ticker tape parade, but some recognition of my kindness is appreciated. Maybe I should expect nothing more than the knowledge that I did a good thing. But that isn't the way I was raised.
I once volunteered to photograph some incoming dogs for a local animal rescue group. I photographed all 35 dogs just an hour or so after the request was made on Facebook. I then e-mailed the photos within an hour of arriving home, and I got ... nothing in response. I did this on no notice because I saw a need and knew that I could help. Another time, I dropped off several large bags of dog food that had been donated to another rescue group that decided to share the bounty. The staff, sitting outside at a picnic table, acted totally disinterested. Nobody offered a receipt or a word of thanks. Guess who doesn't offer any assistance to that organization any more?
Being polite and courteous costs the giver -- and the recipient -- nothing. How much effort does it take to say 'thank you' or to hold the door for someone? How much effort does it take to thank someone who brings a gift from another country or who pays for lunch?
I have a local friend who has driven me to more eye appointments than I can remember. She expects nothing in return, but I always thank her. I take her to lunch from time to time to express my gratitude. And I bring her a bag of coffee beans (she loves coffee) if I visit a coffee-growing country. These are small gestures, but they are important to let her know I really do appreciate her kindness.
Common courtesy means more than simply saying 'please' and 'thank you.' It means holding the door for the person behind you. It means letting someone with just a couple of items in the line at the grocery store go ahead of you. It means not cutting another driver off in your rush to grab a parking spot. It means letting another driver merge in front of you (I will do this, but not if the lane ahead is closed, the closure was announced half a mile back, and the driver waits until the last second to pull into my lane). Courtesy means being nice to cashiers and clerks even when you are having a bad day. It means not making a right turn on red into oncoming traffic, then flipping off the driver of the oncoming car (who clearly has the right of way).
Courtesy means not tailgaiting me when I am driving down a two-lane road in a residential area and driving the speed limit. Riding my bumper won't make me speed up. In fact, it just might make me slow down a bit. Courtesy also means not driving 25 mph when the speed limit is 35 mph and there is a long line of vehicles backed up behind you. How about putting your phone away when you're having a meal with a friend or family member? Unless you're a physician on call at a local hospital, that call or text message can wait. And how about not subjecting the rest of the world to your one-sided phone conversation when we're on an airplane waiting to take off? If you bump into somebody, have the decency to say 'excuse me' or 'sorry.' I was on an airplane flying from Moscow to Tyumen', Russia, with my daughter a few years ago. A Russian woman barged up the aisle and nearly knocked me over. When I said "Hey!" in surprise, she muttered 'Sorry', but I don't think she meant it.
Common courtesy, it appears, is no longer common. It appears to have gone the way of common sense. Common courtesy is a little thing, but it can make the world a much nicer place. What has happened to basic manners? Are we Americans so self-absorbed that we no longer realize that we share this planet with others? Have saying 'please' and 'thank you' gone out of style? Has our obsession with cell phones created our glaring lack of manners?
Readers, what do you think? Have you noticed the increasing lack of manners in our world?
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